Thursday Night Puckers to Open Season in Europe

Officals from Thursday Night Hockey announced yesterday that they would be opening the season on September 8th in Copenhagen, Denmark where defending champs Green will take on long-time rivals Blue. The two teams will then travel to Brussels, Belgium where they will play on the 15th before returning to "the Doug" where they will meet again for the first time since Green defeated Blue in the finals last march. "We are very excited about this", said Joe "Joe" Farrelly, the head of the players association who went to Denmark last month in order to put this deal together. Karl Largerhead, the president of the Danish Sports Adminstration and an admitted admirer of Thursday Night Hockey made the announcement on Danish TV. "Vee ur hoppy to heve Turdee Neet Honky ply un der mutterlund", he said. I bet you are Karl! The league also sent Tom "Philby" Philbrick to Belgium to arrange game 2 there because of Philby's long ties with that country and the fact that he is fluent in Belginium. Philby's wife is from Belgium. The two met while Philby was playing minor league hockey for the Bruges Bruisers. He also convinced the team's owner to purchase Anheuser Bush. I'm sure he's glad he took Philby's advice on that! Tickets are available for a package deal that includes airfare, hotel and tickets to the games at the Everett Arena box office.

Golf Charity Raises Money & Awareness

The players from Thursday Night Hockey got together at the Beaver Meadow golf course today to help raise money and awareness to an important issue. Hockey Fights Obesity has been leading the way in the fight to put an end to America's leading health concern. Despite the damp weather, the event was a HUGE success and it raised some serious coin to help fight obesity. The fans came out in Huge numbers as well and they cheered on their favorite Thursday Night stars and they were also treated to a glimpse of Lord Stanely's Cup which made the trip up from Beantown with Johnny Boychuck who was this year's honored guest at the tournament. Boychuck said, "I am honored to be chosen to play in this event and I now realize how winning the Stanley Cup can open doors that I never imagined were possible before." He went on to say, "These guys are amazing athletes wether on the ice or the fairway. I felt more pressure today than I did in game seven of the Cup finals." Playing alongside guys like "Tilly" (shown here munching Beaver carpet)

and "Philby" and "Heathy", is a thrill, but it makes you understand what focus is all about", Boychuck added. Everyone was a winner today especially America's heavys. Thank you Thursday Night Hockey for putting your weight behind a good cause.

Honoring the Ageless One

We here at The Pucking Files would like to honor "the Ageless One". No, we are not talking about Mark Recci. We are talking about our own fearless leader on Thursday Night, the Duke of Defense, Joe "Joe" Farrelly who turned at least 36 years of age today. The head of the Thursday Night Players Association and a true "Builder" as the driving force behind The Thursday Night Hockey League as well as the cornerstone of the 1974 Brady Green Giants who came with a mere 8 seconds of being legends in NH hockey (skate the goddam puck over the redline for gods sake!). Joe brings it every thursday and his leadership was inspirational in leading Green to the championship and the only reason The Budmen even made it to the finals in The Black Ice Pond Hockey Championship. Happy Birthday "Joe" Farrelly!!!!!!!!!!!! Yours Truely, Moe Rudz

The Cup Returns

Lord Stanley's cup has returned to the Capitol City after a long absence. Dunc "Coach" Walsh grabbed the cup from Claude Julian's fingers as the Bruin's coach dozed along with the rest of the team on the airplane. Walsh then parachuted (with Lord Stanley)out of the airplane as it taxied over Logan Airport early this morning. Philby was waiting on the ground in the get-away car for Dunc's landing just north of Medford. Bruin's officails are still scratching their heads trying to figure out what happened. Coach Walsh recieved a phone call just minutes ago from Terry Francona who congradulated "Coach" Walsh for his accomplishment and added that he will definitely be up for Dunc's induction into the "NH Legends of Hockey" ceremony this coming winter.

Coach and Philby have promised to get the Cup back to Boston for their parade. When Julien found out about the prank from Francona he laughed and said, "That Dunc is a piece of work!" He then added, "Let those Thursday Night guys enjoy it for a bit, afterall, they are the model of excellence that we looked to when we were building this team." The parade in Concord starts at noon today in front of the state house and it will wind it's way down Gilmore Street.

Thrashers Legacy Looms LARGE

With the departing of the Atlanta Thrashers, the NHL leaves behind a legacy that will be HARD to replace. Fans may not remember winning seasons or remarkable on ice acheivements, BUT they will remember the clean up crew who appear larger than life in the dreams of hockey fans around the league. Will Winnipeg be able to keep abreast with what fans really want or will they stumble when faced with this MOUNTAINOUS task?

Cheap Shots Turn Black Ice Blue

Last night's cheap shot hit on Bruin Nathan Horton is just another example of hockey gone wrong. It is identical to the hit put on Paul Kariya in the Stanley Cup finals delivered by Scott Stevens. Both players dished the puck off and had long since given up the puck when a blind side hit was delivered. Unfortunately this kind of stuff isn't done only in the NHL. Officials from the Black Ice Pond Hockey Championship are reviewing the cheap shot put on Kurt "Kaiser" Gillies that has left him just a shell of the player he once was. Since the hit, the Kaiser has been acting odd and has to be told to leave the locker room on Thursday Nights. He has been observed going across the street to a gas station and buying excessive amounts of beer in the wee hours of the morning. He has ordered pizzas that he can't even afford. Action needs to be taken so that these kind of head injurys don't impair other Thursday Night stars. You look at the following photo and you be the judge. Is there a place in the 1883 Black Ice Tournament for this kind of savagery? We here at the Pucking Files don't think so.

White House Reveals Bin Laden Link to Assassination Attempt

A CIA report released today by the White House has linked the assassination attempt on Chris "Brownie" Brown to Osama Bin Laden's ring of terror. Documents taken by Navy Seals at Bin Laden's hide out have mentioned the name of Hassan Bin Sobar as the mastermind behind the attempt to stop the Black Ice Tournament before it got started. This photo acquired by the FBI shows Hassan Bin Sobar dangerously close to the Budmen and Brownie.

We are asking all citizen's to keep an eye out for Bin Sobar. Although he has lousey aim, he is still considered by the FBI as "slightly dangerous". Makris's Resturant which will be hosting a pre Stanley Cup party on monday evening will have secret security agents planted all around the area in case Hassan Bin Sobar and his terrorist network decide to crash the party. If you think you have seen Bin Sobar you are urged to call Crime Stoppers at 603 661-0357.