Legendary Thursday

The Pucking Files is proud to announce that our new editor & chief will be William MacDognutz. "Willie Mac" as his colleges refer to him has worked at the highest level of journalism for many years. Last year he joined The Pucking Files at the request of Moe Rudz. MacDognutz covered the CCHL brilliantly. His creativity was highly regarded by Moe who once referred to "Willie Mac" as "the future of journalism". With Moe's unexpected departure from The Pucking Files, new publisher Mr. Hirohito Moto (pictured below) looked for someone to run his new media empire. While cleaning out Moe's desk, Mr. Moto found papers that praised MacDognutz for his journalism skills. He decided that if Moe felt this strongly about MacDognutz then it would make perfect sense to hire him as the new editor and chief. "Willie Mac" is scheduled to appear on "Larry King Live or Dead" next week. MacDognutz will take over the reins on the 20th of september. One other item of interest that Mr. Moto found in Moe's desk was the list announcing the 2014 inductees into The Legends of Thursday Night Hockey Hall of Fame. Much anticipated, fans of the NAHL will be pleased to know that the newest members of the Legends are as follows: In the "Coaching" category is legendary coach Gary "Toe" Blake. The all time leader in wins, games coached and championships, "Toe" Blake guided the legendary Green team during their glory years as the pinnacle of the NAHL excellence. In the "Brothers" category is the dynamic duo brother act known collectively as "The Philbys". Todd and Tom Philbrick have accounted for more points than any other brother tandem in NAHL history. They have played on numerous NAHL championship teams and they were instrumental in helping the Budmen win a Hobey Stick at the 2012 Black Ice Championship. The 1rst goalie to be selected to the Legends Hall is Brian "Smitty" Smith. He owns the best save percentage ever recored in a season in NAHL history. "Smitty" pioneered the kick save which is now a standard practice used by all goalies. The other inductees to the 2014 Legends are Andy "BTO" Bachman, Ryan "Silky" Brandt, Tom "Shemp" Champagne and Tom "Painch" Painchaud. They will be inducted into the Hall in October.

Heads Up

Reports have been circulating that former publisher Moe Rudz was killed by head hunters in Borneo. Moe Rudz sold his controlling shares of The Pucking Files earlier this summer to pursue a career in etymology. He headed to Borneo to start a new life. It appears that his life has been cut short by a head hunter. Adventurer Montana Johnson made contact with the Watdafuka tribe in the jungles of Borneo. They showed Johnson a shrunken head believed to be that of Moe Rudz. Johnson purchased the artifact for a pair of tweezers and a George Brett baseball card. He brought the head back to England where it is being examined by experts from the Royal Academy of Asswipes.

Moe's brother Mark told The Pucking Files that he lost all contact with Moe in early July. "Moe no longer picks up my phone calls or returns my emails. I begun to think that foul play was involved. It just wasn't like Moe not to call", he said. Doctors at the Academy believe that it could be Moe, but, no exact identification has been made thus far. Everyone in the hockey world is holding their collective breath. Is this the last we'll hear from Moe? Is it curtains for Moe Rudz? Stayed tuned. In other news; Dan Early was traded to Green. It is the 92nd time in his career that he has played for Green. Also, it is being reported that Dave Masinek is STILL missing!

Good Bye Moe, Hello Mr. Moto

Moe Rudz

This summer we learned that LeBron James has signed with the Cleveland Cavaliers, two time MVP Dunc "Coach" Walsh will be undergoing a gastro-intestinal bypass, Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly is still fighting to clear his name of any wrong-doing, Phil "Commish" Stewart is going to return as the Czar of the CCHL, Gary "Toe" Blake took a job as a flight attentdant, Dave Masinek is STILL missing, AND NOW; the biggest surprise of the year; Moe Rudz has sold his controlling shares of The Pucking Files to Japanese business mogul Hirohito Moto for $6.4 million. No one was more surprised than the staff at The Pucking Files. Moe was like a father to us. His guiding hand was all over the staff here at "The Files". He told us that he is going on to pursue a career as an etymologist in Borneo. "I've loved bugs since I was a small child and running a media empire didn't give me the time to pursue my passion for insects." "Now, I am finally free to live my life long dream", said Moe.  Mr. Moto who has purchased The Pucking Files as well as Pucking Files Films has followed hockey for the past twenty five years. He hopes to grow hockey in Japan and thinks The Pucking Files is the outlet that will best help him achieve his aims. It is unclear wether Mr. Moto will replace staff members with his own team. Only time will tell. This may be my last post on The Pucking Files. I will await my fate in the weeks to come. For all of you who have followed The Pucking Files over the years, I would like to say, "Thank you and God Bless". And, to Moe, if you are reading this, " I love you man!" "You are a source of inspiration for journalism around the world". "Enjoy those bugs big fella!"  As for the rest of you; "Stay Smart, Read The Pucking Files".     Sincerely,  Webster "Dick" Shinary: Assistant Editor

The Russian Front

"This guy is crazy!"

I know it's June and the Stanley Cup finals are about to begin, BUT, it's hard to get excited about the Stanley Cup after hockey's incredible World Championships. In case you missed it, although I can't imagine that anyone did, RUSSIA WON! Their victory was the pride of Mother Russia and the envy of the rest of the world. Even aliens from other planets were in awe of the Russian superiority during the tournament. Putin finally got the hockey championship that has evaded him since he became Czar. It was another slap in the face to the United States in what is now the NEW Cold War. A spokesperson for the White House told the Pucking Files, "We are very disappointed in our showing at the Worlds. We thought we had a pretty good team which consisted of ten NHL players, two of which you may of heard of, seven D3 college players, a really good Squirt player and the rest of the squad made up from the Seacoast  U14 Girl's team. We took too many undisciplined  penalties and put them on the power play far too many times. You can't give Malkin and Ovechkin that many power plays and expect to win. Especially when your top penalty killer is nine years old," To add insult to injury, it is rumored that Alexander Ovechkin is having an affair with Michelle Obama. A paparazzi photographed the two at a Denny's just outside of Washington DC. The Obama administration was tight lipped about the alleged affair.
Many other countries were without some of their top players because they were playing in the Stanley Cup playoffs. Canada was missing Milan Lucic who had to undergo surgery to repair his wrist that was injured while beating on his chest after scoring an empty net goal. The US was missing top goalie Jonathan Quick who playing in the Stanley Cup finals and Sweden was missing Henrik Lunqvist who is also playing in the Cup finals. The US used "Harry" as Quick's replacement while Sweden went with Olympic Gold medal figure skater Sonia Henning between the pipes. They were good, but not good enough.
Coming up this month is the NAHL Awards Banquet. The winners will be announced during the Stanley Cup finals. Pierre McGuire will make the presentations.

Michelle & Ovi

When the Circus Comes to Town

Goon Humor

Chest Beaters

The Boston Bruin's season came to an end last night as the Montreal Canadiens defeated the B's by a 3 to 1 margin. Bruins fans should be proud of the President Trophy winning regular season, but round two of the playoffs is one that may make some fans wonder if the circus came to TD Bank Gardens. Since when did the NHL join forces with the NBA? We witnessed Milan Lucic's excessive EMPTY NET chest pounding goal celebration that put him on par with "KG" in the banana business. How about Sean Thorton's water bottle spraying incident with PK Subban? Who's got the last laugh now Sean? When the Ringling Brothers pack up the tents and leave town they ought to take Milan and Sean with them.
Mark your calendars for July 25th. The first Black Ice Golf tournament is coming to the Beav. Come out and meet some of the stars of the Black Ice Pond Hockey Tournament. Word is that Tilly plans on slashing Stevie with his putter during the putting contest. Come watch for yourself. It all begins at 4 pm.

The Doug Loves Pussy!

Mark your calendars for May 3rd & 4th as the world famous Cat Show returns to The Doug. The Capital City will have more pussy in town than usual. "We expect another sold out crowd at the event", said Kitty Shavers, the new president of Pussy Galore. Last year the event raised over $2 million for Pussy Galore, the feline watch-dog(cat) group. "Many of the homeless cats in Concord will now be able to live in the lap of luxury thanks to the efforts of Pussy Galore", said Mayor Jim "Boo Ya" Boulay. "It's a cat eat cat world out there", said Ms. Shavers, "but, we think by putting pussy in the spot light it can be licked".  "We know that hockey is popular in Concord but, we are talking about saving cats!", she exclaimed. "Sure the NAHL and CCHL have done a lot to help in the cause of obesity that seems to be engulfing the area, but cats are the back bone of this community", added Shavers. So, if you are planning on attending the event, you'd better get there early because people get up early and stay out late when it comes to pussy.
Don't forget that the annual NAHL Awards banquet is coming up in May. Stay tuned.

Do You Believe in Miracles?: YES! CIMO'S Wins CCHL Title

 Forget "The Miracle on Ice" of 1980. Even forget the "Amazing Mets" of 1964. To be a true believer, you only need to turn to the 2014 CCHL Championship; " Divine Intervention at The Doug".  When they write the storied history of hockey at "The Doug", right at the top it will read; CIMO'S. A rag-tag bunch of lovable losers faced insurmountable odds to go down in hockey history as "The Most Unlikely Team to Win the CCHL Championship". It's David vs. Goliath.  It's Rocky Balboa vs. Apollo Creed.  It's the 1973 Bishop Brady Green Giants vs. The Berlin Mountianeers. It's like as if Magenta were to win the NAHL. It's against all odds that Cimos is now the reigning champions of the CCHL.
It started in the semi finals when Cimo's took on the No. 1 seed BWW. Cimos was down 2-1 late in the third when Mike Russell banged in a rebound to tie the game. The Cimo's trap had kept it a low scoring affair which was not what BWW wanted. Then in OT, it was Captain Mick Mounsey who rifled a shot past Mike "X" Spillane to send the hometown BWW fans back across the street to cry in their beer.
In the other semi-final match up; it too took OT to decide a winner. This time it was Cheers who advanced to the CCHL finals. It was a back-and-forth battle, each team trading leads. Cam "Bam" Heath scored the hat trick for Cheers. It was "The Cockroach", Corey Laroche who scored the game winner in OT to set up the unlikely finals match up.

2014 CCHL Champs

On sunday night, the most famous arena in hockey was packed to the rafters to see if Cimo's had one more miracle in them. Cheers jumped out to an early 2-0 lead on goals from Tim "The Timinator" Walsh and Matt "Boots" Boudrias. It was "The Rain Man", Nate Raimo who scored at the 25 minute mark to pull Cimo's to within one.  The Doug was now abuzz with anticipation. Then, Matt "Nads" Nadeau, the emotional leader of Cimos, tied the game at two. Chris "The Hobbit" Robert gave Cimo's their first lead of the game with eight minutes left in regulation. The Cimo's Trap went into high gear and goalie Ryan "Homer" Simpson stood tall in net as Cimo's hung on to become the CCHL Champions of 2014. Congratulations to Cimos and all their adoring fans. "Free hot chocolate at next year's Black Ice Pond Hockey Championship" courtesy of Johnny "Cimo" Cimmokoski.