Big Gulp

The Dragon Boat races scheduled for August 18th have been cancelled due to a giant catfish in the Merrimack River. Officials put a stop to the upcoming dragon boat races when it was revealed that a giant catfish is responsible for the disappearance of a NAHL hockey player who was training for the upcoming race. It has been reported to The Pucking Files that Rich "Doc" Rosatto of Concord, NH was swallowed by a giant catfish after the fish rammed the boat that Rosatto was training on. Rosatto, an oral surgeon and a third line wing for team Blue was looking forward to the opportunity to try out again for a spot on a Blue squad loaded with talent. It doesn't look like his future is too promising after the tragic incident along the Merrimack. Teammates on his boat are in shock. There was seven other members on the boat that was targeted by the giant fish. Several members were taken to the N.H. State Hospital to get psychiatric counselling. "Things were going well as we travelled south along the river", said Jack "Jackhammer" Fraisr. "Suddenly we felt a thud and I thought we had hit a sunken log. Rich was in the front of the boat and the impact sent him head over heels into the water. He began to swim to the boat where the guys where waiting to pull him aboard. He was about a foot away from the dragon boat when suddenly a huge fish broke the surface and grabbed ahold of "Doc" and swallowed him whole". Everyone on the boat panicked and we began paddling for shore as fast as we could, said Jim "Heathy" Heath. " I called 911", said Tom "Painch" Painchaud. The Concord PD arrived on the scene along with a member of the NH Fish & Game Department. Tom "Berg" Bergault of Fish & Game bravely donned his scuba gear and entered the river on the east bank of the Merrimack across from where Rosatto was last seen. After about twenty minutes Bergault came ashore and confirmed that it was indeed a large catfish that swallowed Rosatto. " I used a search light and saw the mammoth fish cruising the river bottom with a piece of Rich's Blue number 99 hockey jersey sticking out of the corner of his mouth". "That beast must be at least 18 feet in length and weigh well over 700 lbs!", Berg exclaimed. Dave Gill the head of the city's Park and Rec Department had no choice but to cancel the upcoming race. "We have a big problem on our hands", said Gill. "I urge all citizen's to stay off the river until this fish is caught". "It is kind of ironic that the fish swallowed an oral surgeon", quipped Kurt "Kaiser" Gillies, a teammate of Rosatto . "Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction", he added. The Pucking Files will pass along any information we get from authorities as soon as it is available. Moe Rudz has offered a $10,000. reward to anyone who catches the fish and returns the hockey jersey.