TPF: How much time elapsed before you realized that you were in dire straits?
HS: I lost all track of time after the second week. I ran out of all my rations and I was left to eat whatever I could find in the wilderness. I began getting terrible blisters on my feet and I developed a purple rash all over my body. I started to lose weight rapidly because I had so little food. To make matters worse; I got dysentery from drinking swamp water. My clothes were beginning to rot. I eventually boiled my boots and ate them. I was getting desperate, so I started trying anything that looked somewhat edible. I ate some ugly looking mushrooms and they must have been poison. I passed out for what may have been days or even weeks.
TPF: What happened when you regained consciousness?
HS: When I came to, I soon realized that I was a prisoner in a cold damp cell. I was chained to a wall of stone. Slowly the door to my cell opened. The light hurt my eyes. I could make out a figure moving toward me. It was a strange hybrid creature and it was smoking a pipe. I trembled with fear. I asked, "Who are you?" "I'm the Wizard", he answered. His voice sounded hauntingly familiar. "Are you the Wizard of Oz?", I asked. "No, I'm the great and powerful Wizard of White's", he replied. "Where am I?" I asked. "You're in Camp 22", he replied. "You have got to get me out of here!", I pleaded. "I will get you out of here if you promise me that you'll lead "Joe" and the Thursday Night gang back here to save Moe", he said. "I will; I promise I will", I told him. He blew smoke in my face and said, " I have four items for you and you must listen carefully to what I tell you to do with them", he said. He snapped his fingers and a compass appeared in his hand which he handed to me. He then conjured up a golden hockey stick, an emerald puck and a pair of ruby skates. "Put on these skates", he demanded. "Take this hockey stick and puck. When you get outside this prison camp, you are to take out the compass and skate due west. I want you to push the puck in front of you until you come to a giant shimmering goal. You will have but one task left." "What is that Oh great and powerful Wizard?", I asked. "You must get the puck past the goalie who guards the goal." "But, what if I don't get it past him?", I inquired. "Then you will spend the rest of eternity in this prison cell", he warned. "How do I get outside to carry out this deed?" "Put on the ruby skates and lace them up", he demanded. "What about you? Will I see you out there?", I asked. He looked at me, it appeared, with his many eyes and said, "If I don't see you sooner; then I'll see you later". "Now, click your heels together three times and say, "I want to go back to Thursday night", he instructed me. So, I did that and miraculously I found myself on the outside of the barbed wire fence. I looked at the compass and faced west just as one of the guards spotted me and yelled something in Korean. He blew a whistle. I put the puck down on the ground and I began to skate. It was like magic ice that i could not see. I skated west for days on end, always pushing the puck ahead of me. On the third day I spotted a giant shimmering goal, just as the Wizard had described to me. It appeared to be close to one hundred miles away. It stood out like a mountain range. I pushed on throughout the day forgetting about my fatigue as my excitement grew. "What would this goalie be like?", I wondered. The closer I got, the smaller the goal appeared to be. Finally, as I got within several hundred yards of the goal, I took sight of the goaltender. He seemed of average stature in comparison to the goal. Would I shoot or would I deke? Should I shoot high blocker side or low glove side? All these options ran through my head as I got ever closer. I was now only about eight feet from the goal and I could see the goalie's face. It was Louie Chabot! Suddenly, I decided what I should do. Shoot it FIVE HOLE! I came right in and fired the emerald puck at Louie's five hole, BUT, I partially fanned on the shot and the Frenchman kicked out his leg before the puck could reach him. He slid out and crashed into me and I flew up and over him and the puck slid slowly across the line just inches ahead of me. A great red light filled the sky as my head hit the goal post and knocked me unconscious. As I regained consciousness, I could feel the wind and hear the sound of a helicopter roaring above me. The helicopter kicked up a cloud of dust as it approached the ground. Out jumped some brown men dressed in military uniforms. They rushed to me. They were speaking some foreign language. I was too weak to move. They picked me up and helped me into the helicopter and we took off. I was given an i.v. and all sorts of medical attention. They took me to a hospital in Calcutta. I rested in the hospital for a few days. I told all the nurses and doctors about my experience. A few days later, my brother Joe arrived at the hospital. The doctor told Joe that I had lost my mind, but Joe knew better. I told Joe that all he had to do was head due east from where the helicopter picked me up and he would come to Camp 22. So, we went back to Concord where Joe put the team together. They freed Moe and now everything is good again.TPF: What about Moe's brother Mark?
HS: We never did see or hear from him. It's a shame. After all he went through with the White Pond Duo trial. You would have thought he would have had a better fate than this. It's strange though; Sometimes I think that sooner or later I just might see him again.
The Pucking Files is happy to report that "Hipshake" is making great progress with his post-traumatic stress treatment. Doctors believe he will make at least a 70% recovery which is good enough to pass the NAHL stress test. The season opener between Magenta and Chrome will be carried live from Seoul, South Korea via satellite on October 9th on the NBC Sports Network. Check your local listings.
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