Black Friday! Green and Blue Now Tied For First

Heavy rains and warm temperatures may have put Black Ice Pond Hockey on hold but that hasn't stopped the rest of weekend's festivities nor dampened the spirits of the Black Ice Nation. With three thousand barrels of Black Ice Ale in town everyone will get their fill this weekend. Let's hope they don't drink it all before Feb 10th. The party begins tonight at 5pm at Cheers. It could turn into a moveable feast because no one bar should have ALL the fun. Actually, the weekend started at the stroke of midnight following the Thursday Night showdown between first place Blue and second place Green. Another sold out crowd at The Doug was treated to a gem. Green prevailed and has now moved into a tie with rival Blue for first place. Yellow and Red both lost in the earlier games and it's beginning to look like Blue and Green will be meeting in the finals for the third consecutive year. Green had the lead early, but Blue came back to tie the game. In the end however, Green pulled away with a 7 to 5 victory. Joe "Joe" Farrelly was given the first star in a losing effort. He logged more ice time than any other player despite showing up with only ten minutes left in the game. Dave Maznick was a healthy scratch.
Not everyone received the word about the Black Ice Pond Hockey postponement. The "So Sick Swamp Rats" took the ice this morning for warm ups, but the team had to be pulled from White's Park pond by city workers. Fresh off their Academy Award Nomination for "Best Picture", The Swamp Rats were in Hollywood this week and not taking phone calls and apparently not even checking emails. The team was taken to Concord Hospital where they were treated for hypothermia.

Scientist Discovers Black Hole

NASA scientist Dr. Michael Hawk discovered a black hole yesterday which he points to as a culprit in the case for global warming. The hole was discovered in the ice at White's Park Pond. Fellow scientist Dr. Seymour Hare who was working with Dr. Hawk said, "The hole is large enough to fit Mike Hawk into". The hole and many similar holes in the ice have caused city officials to postpone the Black Ice Pond Hockey tournament which has been rescheduled for February 10-12th.

The Mother of Invention: Overcoming Adversity to Win a Hobey

Overcoming adversity on the road to a Black Ice Championship. With Ma Nature being the fickle wench she can be, the teams that overcome adverse conditions will probably be the ones bringing home the Hobey this year. It is touch and go with the weather and the Black Ice committee may make some changes in scheduling if needs be. Teams that are flexible and adjust their games to changing conditions are most likely the teams that will succeed. Conditions may favor teams that can operate in less than ideal conditions. This being said; The good news is: The Show Will Go On! Brownie does have a plan B however: That is to play games on the underside of the ice.

Teams with the best swimmers are more likely to win games. That is why Black Ice Pond Hockey analyst Barry Smellnose is picking Patrick's Pub to win the +50 Division this weekend. Patricks is led by Dan "Too Late" Early who we all remember swimming the incredible distance from the sinking "Duke of Lancaster" all the way to the eastern seaboard in record time. Smellnose said, "We all know the guy can swim, BUT, can he swim with the puck?" We will find out. If the weather is cold and the top of the ice is where the tournament is played, then Barry picks the Cheers Chiefs to win the +50 division. "These guys play best when the ice is at it's worst", said Smellnose. "Their clutch n grab style has been successful for them on the ice and in the showers." For the prognostication (sounds like a medical procedure: turn your head and cough) of the +35 Division, the Pucking Files turn to Jimmy The Geek. Jimmy has shown that like hitting a baseball, you only have to get it right a third of the time to be considered an expert. "I am going with a long shot for this one. Although many are talking repeat for Capitol City Diner, I think dropping the word "Diner" from the team's name is a bad omen. It's like dropping "Mighty" from the Ducks. O.K., so they did go on to win a Stanley Cup after they did that, but that was just dumb luck. The newly named Capitol City Hockey Club has added a new member to their roster. I think they should have stuck with the six they won with last year. Why? Because Andy "BTO" Bachmann is going to get less ice time; that's why!", explained Geek. "The other concern is the health of the "Cummy" Brothers. Mike opted to wait to have knee surgery until after the season and Jim isn't the same player he once was before the questionable hit from "Brownie" landed him in Concord Hospital for more than a month. His erratic behavior is believed to be the result of withdrawals from pain meds and spanish soap operas. All this is figuring into my prediction of an upset", said Jimmy the Geek. "I think the Oak Street Boozers come in under the radar and suprise a lot of teams and they will be bringing home the Hobey." Barry Smellnose disagrees with Geeks choice. "I see Cheers Oral Surgery taking home Hobey this year", said Smellnose. "After their embarrassing showing last year, they have re-dedicated themselves to winning. The team had too many over paid and over served superstars last year. Many donated large portions of their salary to "Hockey Fights Obesity" which is why "Joe" Farrelly hasn't got paid for Thursday Night Hockey. The team took the pledge to abstain from alcohol (between periods) and that could serve them better than a three armed bartender. Look for the cream to rise to the top." One thing that both men agree upon is the Budmen. They both picked the Budmen to make it back to the finals and fall short once again. "They are an aging team", explained Barry Smellnose. "They're time was last year and they let it slip away. One year older ,but wiser? Close, but more like; one year older Budwiser!" There are some new teams coming in with unknown variables, so the possibility of an undiscovered champion is always possible.
With last night's rain and today's warm temperature's, Kite set his crew to drilling. "We want to put the water back in the pond, not on top of it." So when this ice crew drills, they like to be on top. That's fine with us!

Frigid Temps Heat Up Black Ice Mania!

The thermometer read minus one degree at 6 a.m. That is a beautiful thing. With just five days to go before the puck drops on the 2nd annual Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships the chilly weather has gotten some hockey fans very hot.

A shipment of 2000 barrels of Black Ice Ale has reached Concord all the way from the Yukon Territory. Cimmo has stocked piled four million hot dogs and 3 million hamburger patties for the event. The merchandise trailer will be carrying all the latest fashion wear including the new Black Ice Thongs.

"Kite" Wright has his new team of ice girls working around the clock. Even the Polar Bear is taking a little time out of his busy schedule to play a little bit of shinny.

They are every bit as competitive as what we expect to see come friday. Keep an eye all week on the Pucking Files for insights and analysis. Don't miss Jimmy The Geeks predictions. Keep it tuned to the Pucking Files!

Green Gets Back in the "W" Column Heading Into Break

With the Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships just one week away, Green got a much needed win heading into the Black Ice break. It was a big relief for coach Gary "Toe" Blake to see Green finally get a win after his team had slid into third place and two full games behind first place Blue. Toe made a bold move by picking up veteran stand out Chris McGloughlin to help bolster the Green attack which has been lack luster through much of the season. Blake made the deal late on wednesday with Teal who sits in last place in the western conference. It was obvious that Teal was not going to make the playoffs, so they dumped the star for a first, a second and a ninth round pick. McGloughlin centered the first line for Green and immediately made an impact. He led the first unit along with big rugged wingers Phil "Commish" Stewart(wearing shoulder pads and a fake moustache) and Mark Rudz (no longer sporting a fake mullit). They were paired with defensemen Jim "Heathy" Heath and Dave "Motor" Carlson. The unit was a plus four in the teams five to four victory over rival Blue. For his efforts, McGloughlin was awarded the first star of the game while Kenny "Rebel Without a Rebound" Dean was given the second star for his solid play in net. Green's second unit however, was a minus three and they had to rely on Dean to bail them out. Blue's Tom "Shemp" Champagne was given the third star. Shemp, (the "other TC") tallied twice for Blue. Last night also marked the return of Jim "Cummy" Commerford who had spent six weeks in a full body-cast in Concord Hospital, where he became addicted to pain killers and spanish soap operas. The line of Tom "Berg" Bergault along with the Commerford brothers was reunited just in time to gel for the Black Ice Tourney. But,the three members of the Black Ice Champion Captiol City Diner squad failed to get it done last night. When captain Tom "Berg" Bergault was asked about his team's chances for defending their title, the savy captain safely answered the question by saying, "There are a lot of good teams out there and it is going to be a battle every game".

However, Berg's teammate, the outspoken "Gino" who was reached by phone, told The Pucking Files, "We are going to kick ass! There ain't no answer for "The Gino". We took it easy on the competition last year, but this year we aren't taking any prisoners." He went on to rip the Budmen, Cheers and several other teams and then, in very Tebow-like fashion he said, "God is on Gino's side". We will find out on the 29th if God is really a Gino fan. Mother Nature, as luck would have it, is a big fan of Black Ice Pond Hockey. It looked dicey several weeks ago, but Ma Nat has come through once again and it's all systems go for next weekend. The ice at White's Park has been a concern, so publishing magnet Moe Rudz has hired a team of experts to work alongside Tom "Kite" Wright. The crew has been working for Rosey Cheeks in recent years. The one thing they stress is that it should be "thick and hard" (the ice).

Look for our bonus editions of The Pucking Files all week long as the count down to the Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships ramps up.

Blue and Green Rock the Vote

Following his victory in New Hampshire, presidential hopeful Mitt "Glove" Romney took time to relax and enjoy some Thursday Night Hockey at the Doug. He was joined by Mike Eruzione who is hoping to get a try out with Green. In between periods Romney was visited by Vice President Biden who told Romeny to, "Keep your head up kid or your going to end up sharing a room with "Cummy" in the ER." After watching the game, Romney told reporters, "Wow, and I thought I had a hard fought campaign! These guys out on the ice for Blue and Green leave it all out on the ice."
With the Black Ice Pond Hockey Tournament just a few weeks away, the Capitol City is gearing up for the onslaught of tourist expected to visit Concord for the tournament. It is difficult to find a hotel room anywhere within a thirty mile radius of White's Park. Three thousand barrels of Black Ice Ale have been distributed to restaurants and pubs in the Capital City.
This year a larger player's tent will be occupying White St. to serve as the locker room for a lot more teams. The women's defending champions "the Newts" aren't concerned about a lack of privacy in the tent. Their star player, Russian born Ivana Getchuov said, "I don't mind the lack of privacy. I think guys who play hockey are really nice. Some offer to help me put on my equipment and others help me take it off". Take it off Ivana, take it all off! Look for Ivana to be a real motivating force at the tournament this year.

Getting to the Bottom of It

Reports of an alien spacecraft at the bottom of White Park Pond has been confirmed. An inside source for The Pucking Files overheard a rumor while attending the snowmobile races on Turkey Pond this past sunday (see photo below). A man who has asked not to be named told us that he heard from city employee "Kite" Wright that a UFO had crashed into White's Park pond in early december. The Feds had approached city officals in Concord and asked that they keep the pond closed until the investigation can be thoroughly completed. An ice skater on Turkey Pond also told us a story about a UFO sighting that she had witnessed while canoeing one evening in early december. She said, "The UFO appeared to go down somewhere over there", pointing in the direction of White Park.

The Pucking Files has managed to obtain this photo (below) which validates the story. We showed the photo to "Mr. Kite" who told us that he had once seen a spaceman when he was back in high school and "it looked a lot like the one in this photo".

So, there you have it. Mystery solved.

A Blue Masterpiece!

Led by solid goaltending from Kenny "Don't Ya Love Em Madley" Bradley and a balanced attack that spread the puck around, the Blue win over rival Green was a work of art. Coach John "Stuffy" Stevenson has made his Blue squad into true believers. Meanwhile, the Green loss has dropped them down into third place and has many screaming for the head of coach Gary "Toe" Blake. It is rumored that the Green front office has made several inquiries into available coaches. An inside source has told The Pucking Files that Green has their eye on one coach in particular.

"Jesus would be a good fit for us", said a team spokesperson, "however, he would have to get out from under his contract with the Devils, which is never easy". Blue got out to an early lead and never fell behind even though Green closed the gap to within one midway through the game. Blue dashed any hopes of a Green comeback when they scored four unanswered goals and skated away with an 8-5 victory. With Yellow winning earlier in the evening, the loss dropped Green down into third place and three games behind first place Blue.
Big news from the world of art; Billionaire Publisher Moe Rudz paid a record price for a work of art auctioned at Sothebys yesterday. The work titled "Breaking the Neutral Zone Trap" was created by artists Thomas Carroll, Duncan Walsh and Jeffery Kane. The opening bid was $13,000,000. and Mr. Rudz outbid Japanese electronics mogul Waki Saki and paid a whopping $48,000,000. for the work. It is said to be the centerpiece of Moe's collection which includes Rembrandts, Van Goghs, Picassos and a painting of Dogs Playing Poker.

The Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships are only three weeks away and this week's frigid temperatures has everyone excited about the upcoming event. The Parks and Recreation Department has hired a new person to overlook the ice operations for the event. Rosey Cheeks (seen here about to drill) will be checking the ice for thickness each day and making her recommendations to a very enthusiastic Black Ice Pond Hockey Committee. "She had the right qualifications for the job", said Chris "Brownie" Brown. "We look forward to her daily reports in a big way." "She likes it hard and thick", he said of her preference for ice.

This is great news for hockey fans! Also, a redesigned shovel for the tournament was tested last night as Green was forced to clean the ice following their loss to Blue.