Friday, March 9, 2012

Legal Loophole Forces a Game 7!


The champagne was on ice and Gary "Toe" Blake had his brother "Finger" duct taping plastic around the lockers to counter the anticipated champagne showers as his Green squad took the lead early in the third period on a Jim "Cummy" Commerford roof shot. The crowd at the Doug went wild when minutes later Green took a two goal lead. Every sign was pointing to a repeat championship for Green. But, as the puck was skidding along the ice, attorney Dan "Lucky" Luker was reading the fine print of the NAHL bylaws. What "Lucky" uncovered was buried on page 63; section 4; rule 88. It states that a team must have all players "PAID IN FULL" in order to be awarded the championship. Lucker immediately audited the books and found that one Green player had only "PARTIALLY" paid his league fee and thus voided the championship celebration. The ruling goes on to elaborate that, "if the overdue fee is not paid in full before the final whistle then a one game playoff should take place to determine the championship." Luker wisely waited until the game ended before informing "Toe" Blake of RULE 88. When Blue coach John "Stuffy" Stevenson got the word he grabbed Lucker and kissed him on the mouth. The Green crowd was baffled when Steve "Po" Potozak made the announcement prior to what most fans thought was going to be the trophy stick presentation. The boos rang out and soon the ice was littered with debris. Fans began ripping out the seats and before long the National Guard was called in to control the riot that had engulfed the Doug. League officials had an emergency meeting and came to a decision on the matter. "There will be a game seven ,but no fans will be permitted inside the Doug next Thursday to watch the rematch. Only league officals will be on hand to witness the event", announced Dick Hurtz, the Vice President of Hockey Operations for the NAHL. A reporter for The Pucking Files uncovered the culprit in this drama. It was Mike "Cummy" Commerford who still owed $100. that was responsible for the forfeit. The oversight cost his older brother Jim from scoring what could be "the game winner". The Pucking Files caught up to Jim who lamented, "My mom always babied him and didn't hold him accountable. She used to pay for his overdue library books instead of making him do it. I knew this was going to haunt him later in life. I never thought it would come to this though." Mike Commerford is under protection from the NH State Troopers. He has received threatening phone calls through out the night. One call was traced to the Gilmore Street Mosque. The caller identified himself as "Batman" and said he was calling from the "Bat Cave". It is suspected that it is none other than Hassan Bin Sobar, the mastermind behind the Black Ice assassination attempt on the life of Chris "Brownie" Brown. The irony of the situation is that Blue had multiple players who have yet to pay their league fee. The list includes Jim "Heathie" Heath, Chris "Brownie" Brown, Tom "TC" Carroll, Jim "Purple" Haze, "Doctor" Rich Rosato, Jeff "Cano" Cain, Tom "Philby" Philbrick, Dunc "Coach" Walsh and Dan "Too Late" Early. However, as Luker pointed out to The Pucking Files, "It's not "Too Late" for these guys to pay before the final whistle on game seven. It's a legal loophole that worked in Blue's favor."
Regardless of the outcome, fans were treated to good game. Toe made a surprising move by moving veteran defenseman Joe "Joe" Farrelly to wing. It paid immediate dividends as "Joe" scored the games first goal and assisted on two others. He was named the second star of the game. The first star went to Jim "Cummy" Commerford, the star-crossed older brother of Mike "IOU" Commerford. "Cummy" scored two goals including the "could have been" game winner. The third star went to Kenny "Don't Ya Love Em Madly" Bradley who allowed only three pucks to find the back of the net. The fourth star went to the defense pairing of Ryan "Silky" Brandt and Dave "Motor" Carlson who dominated the back line all game. Carlson left the game with five minutes to play after losing fourth teeth to a flagrant high stick from chippy center Dave "Tilly" Tillotson who was frustrated by "Motor" all night long. The real "Star of the Game" went to Dan "Lucky" Luker who forced a game seven by actually reading the fine print. "I expect a classic BARN BURNER for game seven", said Phil "Commish" Stewart. You can bet Gary "Toe" Blake will be keeping a close eye on the finances for game seven.

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