NAHL 2012: The Year That Almost Wasn't

It was a year like no other and one that many thought would see the end of the world. Year 2012 marked the 130th anniversary of the NAHL. It all started way back in 1882 as the first unorganized hockey game in the United States. 2012 started out with a global warming scare that made many wonder if The Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships would even make it to year two. After a call to the Pope from Chris Brown, the Pontiff cut a deal with God who sent a text to Mother Nature asking for just a little cold weather. The favor was granted and the 1883 Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships became a success. Again the NAHL was well represented at the tournament. There were new champions crowned in the + 35 division and the +50 division. The Budmen dethroned Capital City in the 35 A division and The Turkey Pond Flyers ousted The White Park Hockey Club in the +50 division. Repeat offenders were Jack Edward's Teeth in the Open division and The Newts in the Ladies Who Love Ladies division.
Following Black Ice came the NAHL playoffs
which to no one's surprise pitted the two greatest
teams in league history. Green and Blue made to
the finals by beating Mauve and Rust in the semis.
As to be expected, the finals went all seven games, but no one expected that it would take a game eight in september to decide the winner. Game 7 ended in a tie as the city began shutting down the refrigeration system to get ready for the Cat Show. It was a long summer waiting to find out who would be crowned king of the NAHL. Summer brought the much anticipated Dragon Boat Races to the Merrimack River. The event was cancelled by the city when one of the participants was swallowed by a giant catfish during practice. Rich Rosatto fell overboard and was swallowed alive by the leviathan. Moe Rudz offered a large reward for anyone who could return Rosatto's jersey to the league. The reward was earned by Tom "Bergs" Bergault who not only retrieved the jersey, but he also returned Rosatto unharmed. Bergs donated the money to Hockey Fights Obesity. In September the much-anticipated Game 8 took place. The game turned out to surpass the hype that dogged it all summer long. Andy "Gump" Doherty won the MVP of the series after he stopped two penalty shots in the third period. Tom "Philby" Philbrick added an empty netter to seal the deal for team Blue who skated away with a 5-3 win.
The NAHL awards ceremony highlight was when "The Vic" (2012 MVP) Award was given to "The Commish", Phil Stuart. After an incredible season that saw him rack up four goals and five assists in a mere twenty two games. He also finished a minus one for the year. This year brought us five new inductees into the prestigious Legends of Thursday Night Hall of Fame. Vic Stanfield, Steve "Po" Potozak, Tom "TC" Carroll, Dave "JP" Palisi and Tom "Bergs" Bergault joined the ranks of the Immortals.
All said and done, 2012 was the year that goes into the record books as one of the strangest in the league's storied history.

East Dominates NAHL All Star Game

The winter blast of snow did not deter fans of the NAHL from attending this year's All Star game that pitted the stars of the Eastern Conference versus the stars of the West.  The game featured sixteen players from each division, all of whom were selected from fan voting. It was not without some controversy however.  Some names that were left off the list raised a few eyebrows including league leading scorer Tom "Shemp" Champagne. There was also some grumbling about "too many players from  Blue and Green". Of the sixteen players selected for the East squad only two were not from Blue or Green. James Van Riemsdyke of Yellow and Matt Niskanen of Mauve. The rest of the team consisted of players from the two most popular teams in the league. Goaltenders Any "Gump" Doherty and Kenny "Don't Ya Love Em Madly" Bradley. Defenseman Joe "Joe" Farrelly, Jeff "Hurricane" Cain, Jack "Jackhammer" Fraiser,  John "Big Foot" Reagan along with forwards Andy "BTO" Bachmann, Tom "TC" Carroll,  Phil "Commish" Stuart,  Phillipe "La Missle" Lacasse, Dan "Lucky" Luker, Dan "Too Late" Early, Mark "Not My Brother" Rudz and Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford. Bradley started the game and Doherty came in at the mid point of the game. They allowed only one goal while their teammates scored fifteen goals on their way to an easy 15-1 win. The West squad coached by Dunc "Coach" Walsh was searching for answers all night and couldn't find any. The only goal scored for the West squad was scored by Teemu Salami of Chrome. "There is no doubt that most of the talent is in East", said Gary "Toe" Blake who coached the East team. "It was a great night for hockey fans and for the great cause, Hockey Fights Obesity".
The money raised by last night's game goes mainly to "HFO" ,but some of the money is used to cover league fees which is a growing problem in the NAHL. "We used to think that was just a problem in the CCHL , but now it has infected the NAHL too", said Joe "Joe" Farrelly , the president of the Players Association. The following list is for The Hall of Shame. They are players who are driving this country off the fiscal cliff. They all drive fancy cars and have vacation  homes in the Carribbean.  Some even have gold teeth.
Hall of Shame
D. Tilly (2 years), T.Philby, 2 Late Early, J. Heathy, M.Rudz, TC Carroll, Big Cum Cummy, Hurricane Caino, BTO Bachmann and Bergs Bergault.
One way the league is trying to off set the deficit is through jersey sales. Blue, Green, Mauve and Chrome jerseys are the leading jersey sale items. The number one player jersey sold in 2012 is the Blue #69 Jack "Jackhammer" Fraiser jersey. It has sold more than Lebron James and Peyton Manning combined.  "The Jackhammer has always been a fan favorite", says Paul "Pop" Gozawiezle, the president of the NAHL. "No one can really explain it, but the numbers don't lie."
Don't forget to check out this monday's installment of The Pucking Files "Year in Review, A Look Back on 2012".

CCHL Week 12 Recap

You'd better watch out. You'd better not cry. Cause there's no crying in hockey. Even if your on Cimo's.  Last monday night, last place Cimo's faced off against first place Buffalo Wild Wings. Cimo's was still without captain Mick Mounsey who has an unspecified lower body injury somewhere in the upper middle part of the lower left side, but more towards the right side of the upper part of the lower half of the middle two thirds. The last time these two teams met, it was Cimo's snatching their first and only victory of the season. This time there was no magic. Clint "The Edge" Edinger recorded a hat trick while Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse, Shayne "In The Membrane" LeBreton and Kevin "Karate Kid" Karales each had multiple goal nights for B2W.  Nate "Rain Man" Raimo and Tom "Badger" Carroll each had a pair of goals for Cimo's in the losing effort.
On tuesday, fans at the Doug (including Santa) were  treated to an exciting game between The Windmill and Cheers. It was a defensive battle  from beginning to end. It was 3-2 Cheers with ten minutes to go when The Windmill knotted the score. However, on the ensuing faceoff, Cheers won the draw and an odd-man rush led to the game winning goal being scored by Tim "The Timinator" Walsh, the captain and spiritual leader of Cheers. "The Cockroach" Corey Laroche added an empty netter to seal the deal. It was his second goal of the evening.

CCHL Standings
1. B2W
2. Windmill
3. Cheers
4. Cimo's

Goal Scoring Leaders
1. Edinger
2. Acres
3. Caron
4. Carroll
5. Laroche
6. Robert
7. Walsh
8. Banga
9. Arsenault
10. Karales

The End of the World (as We Know It)

Last evening marked the end of hockey at "The Doug" just as the Mayans had predicted. Both teams knelt together at center ice in prayer. "Knowing that this would be the last game ever played at The Doug was inspiring to many of us", said Brain "Tilly" Tillotson. "A lot of guys weren't able to cope though. Several were heavily medicated", he added. "We just wanted to leave the solar system knowing that we gave it our all", said Dunc "Coach" Walsh.  "We wanted our fans to have something positive to think about in the afterlife", said a teary eyed Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford.  "I just hope that I can get The Pucking Files at the space station on Mars", said Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly .  "There's a space station on Mars?", asked a bewildered Any "Gump" Doherty.  "Yes there is", answered Joe "Joe" Farrelly. " Moe had it built so we could keep playing Thursday Night Hockey", he added. "But, the NEW GUYS are NOT invited", added Dunc Walsh.  " There isn't enough room on Moe's space ship to take everyone there, so we voted the new guys off". All of this is moot as of this morning when players woke up and discovered that the earth was still here. "WHAT THE HELL!" , screamed "Coach" Walsh this morning upon finding out that the world was still here. "I backchecked  a few times last night, for what? What a waist of energy THAT turned out to be. That's the last time I'll ever do that", he griped. He barely had time to sip his coffee when the phone rang. It was Jim "Heathy" Heath who called to deliver the unexpected news. "The Mayan's were right Dunc", Heathy told Walsh. " The entire world didn't come to an end, but hockey at The Doug did". "What are you talking about?",  asked a puzzled Walsh. " The mayor and other city officials have decided that events like the Cat Show, The Gun Show, The Model Train Show, ect, ect, would be a better suited for the Capitol City and so, the ice will be coming out on January 1rst in order to get ready for the Stamp Collectors Show."
On the other end of the phone there was complete silence. That is the way it is around the hockey world this morning. "People are in complete shock", said Jeff " Hurricane" Cain. "I could deal with the entire world coming to an end, but not hockey at The Doug", said Tom "Philby" Philbrick upon receiving the news. Then it hit him, "We could play at my rink!", exclaimed Philby.  He immediately called NAHL president Paul "Pop" Gozawiezle and proposed the offer. "He was elated", Philby told the Pucking Files. "It's a done deal pretty much. Starting the first week in january all Thursday Night games in the NAHL will be played at my backyard rink".  Moe Rudz has even pledged three million dollars to put a retractable roof over it and have Philby's house removed in order to make room for more seating. When asked where Philby and his family would live, he told the Pucking Files, "We'll live in the locker room. It's going to be really nice because Moe promised it would be. Moe would never say anything if it wasn't true. I'm going to even have my neighbor John come for sleep-overs sometimes".
Well, there you have it. It's the end of the world as we knew it.  There will be a slight adjustment period, but, all and all, it will probably end up being a good thing.  None of this news should take away from the spotlight of the game that was played last night at The Doug.
        It was "Legends Night" last night at The Doug. Five new inductees were inducted into the Legends of Thursday Night Hockey Hall of Fame.  The ceremony followed the featured game between rivals Blue and Green.  Inducted last night were Vic Stanfield, who was in Germany being honored yet one more time. His brother Fred accepted the award on his behalf.  Tom "Berg" Bergault added the award to his impressive collection of trophys including "The Dick Pinch Award".  Dave "JP" Palisi  admitted, "I wasn't prepared for this. I had no idea. I am speechless."  Apparently Dave doesn't read the Pucking Files. Also inducted last night was Tom "TC" Carroll  who called the award "the crowning achievement of my career". A career that includes a NCAA National Championship as well as "The Swoop" award for NAHL goal scoring champion in 2011. Missing from the ceremony was the first referee to be inducted, Steve "Po" Potozak.  Potozak was amongst the group of referees kidnapped last week by the terrorist oraganization "Free Throw Liberation". "Apparently, the terrorist forgot about "Po", said Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse who was part of the referees for cash exchange. "He had to use the bathroom when we were being packed into the van. Everyone was so excited that we completely forgot that "Po" wasn't in the van. You know when you're forgetting something, but you can't think of what it is?". League officials are looking into the matter today. Last night marked the return of the referees whose absence was felt in last thursday's game. Last night however, the referee was there but, the goalies were not. No goalies were there until midway into the second period when Kenny "Don't Ya Love Madly" Bradly showed up for team Green. Team Green ran away with the game 14 -5.  Andy "Gump" Doherty showed up with one minute left on the clock. He made a save just as time was about to expire.  "I thought the world was supposed to end, so I did a little partying and lost track of the time", he told his coach John "Stuffy" Stevenson. "He also lost track of the puck", Stevenson quipped. That is all past history now.  It was a special night at The Doug to say the least.  Moe Rudz and the staff at The Pucking Files would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and we look forward to seeing everyone at Philby's in 2013!

Ransom Paid in Exchange for Returned Referees

                                        How can anyone cut Tracy Morgan from their team?
Now, our top story:
   Billionaire publisher Moe Rudz took matters into his own hands and reached deep into his deep pockets to pay a ransom that had been demanded from a terrorist organization calling themselves "Free Throw Liberation".  Their mission is to "wipe hockey off the face of the earth". "FTL" claimed in their manifesto that " We have no tolerance for hockey as a sport or a way of life in North America, Europe or the Middle East.  Any form of hockey is unacceptable. Anyone who engages in playing, coaching, watching or even thinking about hockey is an infidel and will be targeted by the FTL".  This radical group is behind the abduction of NAHL referees last week. League officials took a stance and said that they would not negotiate with terrorist and so it looked like the NAHL may end up being without on- ice officials for the remainder of the season. One man who has seen enough took it upon himself to get the referees back on Doug ice.  "Haven't hockey fans gone through enough already? Wasn't it enough that the Nathanial Hawthorne College hockey program collapsed back in the late 70's? Now, the NHL has gone on strike once AGAIN!  I'm going to meet the demands of these terrorists and pay the ransom and get the NAHL back on track  in order to give hockey fans a reason to get up each day",  he told The Pucking Files*. "This is my Christmas present to hockey fans around the world. Besides, it looks like I will have to pay a lot more in taxes in 2013, so, I might as well spend it." The referees were dropped off behind the Doug at the wee hours of the morning. They were unharmed although they were given food, water and an eye chart test. Being blind-folded for five days was no problem for them.  Moe also said that he would  offer a large pay-off to Donald Fehr, Gary Bettman and Jack Edwards if they would stay away from hockey altogether.  We can only hope that they take the offer.
*Moe Rudz owns The Pucking Files Publishing Corporation as well as Pucking Files Films.

Off Sides!

Have you seen this man? Call Crime Stoppers!

Conspiracy theorist may have a field day with the mess that surrounded the NAHL last night at "The Doug". On what was supposed to be the first induction ceremony of a referee into the Legends of Thursday Night Hall of Fame, everything that could go wrong, went wrong. No explanation has yet been brought forth and the league is on pins and needles. Concord Police were called to the scene on River Rd.  just before midnight. A "suspicious" car was found parked on the side of the road in a remote part of town. The keys were still in the vehicle and there were signs of a struggle. The police ran a license plate check and found the vehicle belonged to former NAHL referee Steve "Po" Potozak. At 2 a.m. this morning the police received a phone call from a hysterical Mrs. Tom "Duster" Dustin claiming that he never came home after work and she had not heard from  him since thursday morning when he left for work. Mr. Dustin was also a former NAHL referee. Last night's game at the Doug featuring teams Blue and Green had a delayed  start time because referee Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse was a "no show". League officials tried in vain to reach Mr. Lacasse by phone.  League President Paul "Pop" Gozawiezle turned to back-up referee Bill "Hawkeye" MacDougal who was supposed to be "on call" as the replacement. Mr. MacDougal did not answer his phone which is "unlike him".  In a desperate attempt to play the game, the league brought in scab referee Seymour N. Fractions, a former NHL, AHL, WHA and CCHL referee who now works as an optometrist. "We were desperate" , said Gozawiezle.  Fractions arrived at "The Doug" and went to the referee's room to put on his skates. "That was last we saw of him", said Gary "Toe" Blake, the coach of Green. When league officials entered the room to see what was taking Fractions so long they were stunned to find no one there. Police were called in to investigate. "There was definitely signs of a struggle", said Chief O'Hara.  At aproximately 3:35 a.m. this morning a police officer reported seeing "Hawkeye" MacDougal's car parked alongside the Gilmore St. mosque. The officer knocked on the door of the mosque. After a few minutes, the door was answered by a man that said his name was Hassan Bin Sober.  Mr. Bin Sober told police that he had no idea who the car belonged to and he claimed to have no knowledge of a car even being parked there at all. When asked if he could enter the premises, it is alleged by Officer Phife that Mr. Bin Sober refused to allow the officer  entrance without a search warrant. At 5:20 a.m. Concord PD returned with a search warrant and after searching the mosque the chief investigator deemed that, "there is enough circumstantial evidence to bring Mr. Bin Sober to the station for questioning".  Bin Sober contacted his attorney at the Moffett, Luker and McCloughlin Law Firm.  A spokesperson for the firm said, "Our client is being unfairly held without any hard evidence". "We have no other comment at this time". The Pucking Files will release any other information as they get it. In the meantime; The important game did take place last night without a referee. Blue defeated Green overwhelmingly in thanks to superb goaltending by back up Zach "The Goal Geisha" Gersha.   Green's Andy "Gump" Doherty made 65 saves after two periods, but it wasn't enough to stop the Blue wave led by Dan "Too Late" Early who scored two goals on one shift. He assisted on another on that same shift. "That shift turned the tide in Blue's favor", said Chris "Brownie" Brown who  played on the line with Early and Andy "BTO" Bachman. "You can't stop those guys, you can only hope to contain them", said Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford who had a pair of goals for Green. League leading scorer Tom "Shemp" Champagne who played on a line with Commerford also lit the lamp twice to pad his point total. It was rumored that Tom "Berg" Bergault had a bunch of points. In the end, it was one of the strangest games in NAHL history.  The whereabouts of the missing referees remains unknown. Stay tuned!

Green Acres is the Place to Be in Week 11

Week 11 of the CCHL finds no change in the standings, but thanks to a seven goal performance by Chris "Green" Acres, the goal scoring race has a new leader.  Cheers took on Cimo's who was without it's captain Mick Mounsey who has a reported "lower body injury" although an inside source told us that he was home watching the Barbara Walter's special "The Most Interesting People of 2012". Even with Tom "Badger" Carroll and Nate "No Problemo" Raimo each registering hat tricks, Cimo's still appeared lost without it's captain and spiritual leader. There was just too much "acreage" between Cheers and Cimo's thanks to Acre's seven goal outburst. His performance propelled him into the CCHL goal scoring lead.  Chris "Doctor" Robert added four goals and Tim "The Timinator" Walsh had three goals as Cheers dropped 17 on Cimo's who managed 8.
       Kevin "Karate Kid" Kareles and Clint "The Edge" Edinger each scored hat tricks to lead B2W to a 7-5 win over The Windmill.  The victory guaranteed Buffalo Wild Wings a playoff spot. "The Mill" got four goals from "super sub" Ryan Williamson who was called up to replace Gavin "You Betcha" Faretra. The coaching staff was so impressed with the youngster's play that there is talk of moving "You Betcha" Faretra before the trade deadline. One team reported to have interest is Cimo's, who is looking for someone to take some pressure off Tom "Badger" Carroll, who has been double teamed all season long. The Pucking Files will be following this story closely.

CCHL Standings
1. B2W             9-1
2. Windmill       6-4
3. Cheers           5-6
4. Cimo's           1-10

Goal Scoring Leaders
1. Acres         23
2. Caron        22
3. Edinger      22
4. Carroll       20
5. Laroche     19
5. Robert       19
7. Walsh        16
8. Banga        15
8. Arsenault   15
10. Faretra     13

* Tickets for tonight's  Legends of Thursday Night Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony are sold out.

24/8 The Road to Thursday Night

Coming in 2013!  Go behind the scenes of the greatest rivalry in sports; The NAHL's Blue vs. Green.

Legendary!

This week both Blue and Green travelled to the west coast to play  their annual  game against a Western Conference opponent. Because of the late start (Pacific Time) we are unable to bring you the scores. Blue takes on Chrome while Green faces off against Rust. Next week however, Green will take on Blue at the Doug on "Legends Night".  Following the game this year's new inductees will be inducted into the Legends of Thursday Night Hall of Fame. They will join previous Legends Joe "Joe" Farrelly, Greg "Hernia" Fournier, Dave "Tilly" Tillotson, George "Dumpin" Chase and Kurt "Kaiser" Gillies.  New inductee Vic Stanfield will join Gillies as the only two players to be inducted in both the Legends of Thursday Night Hall as well as the German Hockey Hall of Fame. Both players are fluent in german slang, have been shut off at Octoberfest and have been featured on the cover of Blitzkrieg Magazine (which is the German equivalent to GQ).  Steve "Po" Potozak will be the first member to enter the Hall in the referee and officials category.  He will be remembered for awarding a  penalty shot  to Chris McCloughlin  in game 4 of the 2008 playoff finals. McCloughlin scored what turned out to be the winning goal for Blue. Potozak needed a police escort to leave the Doug. A replay of the call proved that "Po" made the right call even though the home town crowd didn't agree. He was a man of principles. He is actually a principle of a school. Go figure. The other three new inductees are current players who will be playing in the game on thursday (provided the coach puts them in the line up).  Tom "Berg" Bergault, Tom "TC" Carroll and Dave "JP" Palisi all learned the game on the ponds and lakes of their hometowns.  By the time they were teenagers they had learned to tie their skates by themselves.  All three came into the NAHL the same year. They came from storied programs such as the University of Wisconsin under legendary coach Badger Bob Johnson and Bishop Brady and their legendary coach Bud Lukern. All three players have made it to the finals every season since entering the league. Carroll and Bergault have also won Hobey Sticks at the Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships and Palisi made it to finals in 2011.  "TC" won "The Swoop" award for most goals in a season.  Dave Palisi won "The Murph" 7th player award and "Berg" won the coveted "Dick Pinch" award for most fun in the shower.  Although they are highly decorated, all three remain humble, god fearing men of modest means.

CCHL: Week 10

Jake Curtain's Desk: The Morning After 

Monday evening in the CCHL saw Cheers fall to first place Buffalo Wild Wings.  Edward "Scissorhands" Caron had the hat trick in the first two minutes of the game.  He finished the game with five goals which propelled him to become the first player this season to reach and surpass the twenty goal mark. Ian "2Bor Not2B" Hamlet added four goals as B2W pulled out a 13 -10 win. For Cheers it was Corey "Cockroach" Laroche  and Chris Robert who registered hat tricks and Corey Cotnoir had a pair. "The Timinator" and "The Edge" were both held goalless for the first time while facing each other in CCHL history according to Ripley's Believe It or Not.  B2W's record now goes to ate and won.
On tuesday night The Doug featured The Windmill versus Cimo's. Despite all the hype, Cimo's winning streak has FINALLY come to an end. Gavin "You Betcha" Faretra  and Chris Doherty each scored twice for The Mill.  However, it was the 62 year old veteran defenseman Steve Arndt who was the first star of the game. He frustrated the Cimo's attack all game long and made a case for bringing back the wooden stick. Cimo's player's frustration resulted in six broken composite sticks (see photo) which is a CCHL record according to Ripley's Believe It or Not.
CCHL Goal Scoring
1. Caron     22
2. Edinger  19
3. Laroche  18
4. Carroll    17
5. Acres      16
Standings
1. BWW        8-1
2. Windmill   6-3
3. Cheers       4-6
4. Cimo's       1-9