Now, our top story:
Billionaire publisher Moe Rudz took matters into his own hands and reached deep into his deep pockets to pay a ransom that had been demanded from a terrorist organization calling themselves "Free Throw Liberation". Their mission is to "wipe hockey off the face of the earth". "FTL" claimed in their manifesto that " We have no tolerance for hockey as a sport or a way of life in North America, Europe or the Middle East. Any form of hockey is unacceptable. Anyone who engages in playing, coaching, watching or even thinking about hockey is an infidel and will be targeted by the FTL". This radical group is behind the abduction of NAHL referees last week. League officials took a stance and said that they would not negotiate with terrorist and so it looked like the NAHL may end up being without on- ice officials for the remainder of the season. One man who has seen enough took it upon himself to get the referees back on Doug ice. "Haven't hockey fans gone through enough already? Wasn't it enough that the Nathanial Hawthorne College hockey program collapsed back in the late 70's? Now, the NHL has gone on strike once AGAIN! I'm going to meet the demands of these terrorists and pay the ransom and get the NAHL back on track in order to give hockey fans a reason to get up each day", he told The Pucking Files*. "This is my Christmas present to hockey fans around the world. Besides, it looks like I will have to pay a lot more in taxes in 2013, so, I might as well spend it." The referees were dropped off behind the Doug at the wee hours of the morning. They were unharmed although they were given food, water and an eye chart test. Being blind-folded for five days was no problem for them. Moe also said that he would offer a large pay-off to Donald Fehr, Gary Bettman and Jack Edwards if they would stay away from hockey altogether. We can only hope that they take the offer.
*Moe Rudz owns The Pucking Files Publishing Corporation as well as Pucking Files Films.
No comments:
Post a Comment