The End of the World (as We Know It)

Last evening marked the end of hockey at "The Doug" just as the Mayans had predicted. Both teams knelt together at center ice in prayer. "Knowing that this would be the last game ever played at The Doug was inspiring to many of us", said Brain "Tilly" Tillotson. "A lot of guys weren't able to cope though. Several were heavily medicated", he added. "We just wanted to leave the solar system knowing that we gave it our all", said Dunc "Coach" Walsh.  "We wanted our fans to have something positive to think about in the afterlife", said a teary eyed Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford.  "I just hope that I can get The Pucking Files at the space station on Mars", said Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly .  "There's a space station on Mars?", asked a bewildered Any "Gump" Doherty.  "Yes there is", answered Joe "Joe" Farrelly. " Moe had it built so we could keep playing Thursday Night Hockey", he added. "But, the NEW GUYS are NOT invited", added Dunc Walsh.  " There isn't enough room on Moe's space ship to take everyone there, so we voted the new guys off". All of this is moot as of this morning when players woke up and discovered that the earth was still here. "WHAT THE HELL!" , screamed "Coach" Walsh this morning upon finding out that the world was still here. "I backchecked  a few times last night, for what? What a waist of energy THAT turned out to be. That's the last time I'll ever do that", he griped. He barely had time to sip his coffee when the phone rang. It was Jim "Heathy" Heath who called to deliver the unexpected news. "The Mayan's were right Dunc", Heathy told Walsh. " The entire world didn't come to an end, but hockey at The Doug did". "What are you talking about?",  asked a puzzled Walsh. " The mayor and other city officials have decided that events like the Cat Show, The Gun Show, The Model Train Show, ect, ect, would be a better suited for the Capitol City and so, the ice will be coming out on January 1rst in order to get ready for the Stamp Collectors Show."
On the other end of the phone there was complete silence. That is the way it is around the hockey world this morning. "People are in complete shock", said Jeff " Hurricane" Cain. "I could deal with the entire world coming to an end, but not hockey at The Doug", said Tom "Philby" Philbrick upon receiving the news. Then it hit him, "We could play at my rink!", exclaimed Philby.  He immediately called NAHL president Paul "Pop" Gozawiezle and proposed the offer. "He was elated", Philby told the Pucking Files. "It's a done deal pretty much. Starting the first week in january all Thursday Night games in the NAHL will be played at my backyard rink".  Moe Rudz has even pledged three million dollars to put a retractable roof over it and have Philby's house removed in order to make room for more seating. When asked where Philby and his family would live, he told the Pucking Files, "We'll live in the locker room. It's going to be really nice because Moe promised it would be. Moe would never say anything if it wasn't true. I'm going to even have my neighbor John come for sleep-overs sometimes".
Well, there you have it. It's the end of the world as we knew it.  There will be a slight adjustment period, but, all and all, it will probably end up being a good thing.  None of this news should take away from the spotlight of the game that was played last night at The Doug.
        It was "Legends Night" last night at The Doug. Five new inductees were inducted into the Legends of Thursday Night Hockey Hall of Fame.  The ceremony followed the featured game between rivals Blue and Green.  Inducted last night were Vic Stanfield, who was in Germany being honored yet one more time. His brother Fred accepted the award on his behalf.  Tom "Berg" Bergault added the award to his impressive collection of trophys including "The Dick Pinch Award".  Dave "JP" Palisi  admitted, "I wasn't prepared for this. I had no idea. I am speechless."  Apparently Dave doesn't read the Pucking Files. Also inducted last night was Tom "TC" Carroll  who called the award "the crowning achievement of my career". A career that includes a NCAA National Championship as well as "The Swoop" award for NAHL goal scoring champion in 2011. Missing from the ceremony was the first referee to be inducted, Steve "Po" Potozak.  Potozak was amongst the group of referees kidnapped last week by the terrorist oraganization "Free Throw Liberation". "Apparently, the terrorist forgot about "Po", said Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse who was part of the referees for cash exchange. "He had to use the bathroom when we were being packed into the van. Everyone was so excited that we completely forgot that "Po" wasn't in the van. You know when you're forgetting something, but you can't think of what it is?". League officials are looking into the matter today. Last night marked the return of the referees whose absence was felt in last thursday's game. Last night however, the referee was there but, the goalies were not. No goalies were there until midway into the second period when Kenny "Don't Ya Love Madly" Bradly showed up for team Green. Team Green ran away with the game 14 -5.  Andy "Gump" Doherty showed up with one minute left on the clock. He made a save just as time was about to expire.  "I thought the world was supposed to end, so I did a little partying and lost track of the time", he told his coach John "Stuffy" Stevenson. "He also lost track of the puck", Stevenson quipped. That is all past history now.  It was a special night at The Doug to say the least.  Moe Rudz and the staff at The Pucking Files would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and we look forward to seeing everyone at Philby's in 2013!