Off Sides!

Have you seen this man? Call Crime Stoppers!

Conspiracy theorist may have a field day with the mess that surrounded the NAHL last night at "The Doug". On what was supposed to be the first induction ceremony of a referee into the Legends of Thursday Night Hall of Fame, everything that could go wrong, went wrong. No explanation has yet been brought forth and the league is on pins and needles. Concord Police were called to the scene on River Rd.  just before midnight. A "suspicious" car was found parked on the side of the road in a remote part of town. The keys were still in the vehicle and there were signs of a struggle. The police ran a license plate check and found the vehicle belonged to former NAHL referee Steve "Po" Potozak. At 2 a.m. this morning the police received a phone call from a hysterical Mrs. Tom "Duster" Dustin claiming that he never came home after work and she had not heard from  him since thursday morning when he left for work. Mr. Dustin was also a former NAHL referee. Last night's game at the Doug featuring teams Blue and Green had a delayed  start time because referee Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse was a "no show". League officials tried in vain to reach Mr. Lacasse by phone.  League President Paul "Pop" Gozawiezle turned to back-up referee Bill "Hawkeye" MacDougal who was supposed to be "on call" as the replacement. Mr. MacDougal did not answer his phone which is "unlike him".  In a desperate attempt to play the game, the league brought in scab referee Seymour N. Fractions, a former NHL, AHL, WHA and CCHL referee who now works as an optometrist. "We were desperate" , said Gozawiezle.  Fractions arrived at "The Doug" and went to the referee's room to put on his skates. "That was last we saw of him", said Gary "Toe" Blake, the coach of Green. When league officials entered the room to see what was taking Fractions so long they were stunned to find no one there. Police were called in to investigate. "There was definitely signs of a struggle", said Chief O'Hara.  At aproximately 3:35 a.m. this morning a police officer reported seeing "Hawkeye" MacDougal's car parked alongside the Gilmore St. mosque. The officer knocked on the door of the mosque. After a few minutes, the door was answered by a man that said his name was Hassan Bin Sober.  Mr. Bin Sober told police that he had no idea who the car belonged to and he claimed to have no knowledge of a car even being parked there at all. When asked if he could enter the premises, it is alleged by Officer Phife that Mr. Bin Sober refused to allow the officer  entrance without a search warrant. At 5:20 a.m. Concord PD returned with a search warrant and after searching the mosque the chief investigator deemed that, "there is enough circumstantial evidence to bring Mr. Bin Sober to the station for questioning".  Bin Sober contacted his attorney at the Moffett, Luker and McCloughlin Law Firm.  A spokesperson for the firm said, "Our client is being unfairly held without any hard evidence". "We have no other comment at this time". The Pucking Files will release any other information as they get it. In the meantime; The important game did take place last night without a referee. Blue defeated Green overwhelmingly in thanks to superb goaltending by back up Zach "The Goal Geisha" Gersha.   Green's Andy "Gump" Doherty made 65 saves after two periods, but it wasn't enough to stop the Blue wave led by Dan "Too Late" Early who scored two goals on one shift. He assisted on another on that same shift. "That shift turned the tide in Blue's favor", said Chris "Brownie" Brown who  played on the line with Early and Andy "BTO" Bachman. "You can't stop those guys, you can only hope to contain them", said Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford who had a pair of goals for Green. League leading scorer Tom "Shemp" Champagne who played on a line with Commerford also lit the lamp twice to pad his point total. It was rumored that Tom "Berg" Bergault had a bunch of points. In the end, it was one of the strangest games in NAHL history.  The whereabouts of the missing referees remains unknown. Stay tuned!