Black Ice Hangover

 The 1883 Black Ice Pond Hockey Championship
took it's toll on the NAHL this week. What is commonly known as the Black Ice Hangover has once again reared it's ugly head. The only thing more important than 1883 Black Ice may be the Thursday Night playoffs. Yet fatigue from last weekend's pond hockey has shortened the benches for the two greatest teams in the NAHL. It's game one of the finals and you would think that real men would suck it up and don the Blue and Green no matter how tired and worn their bodies felt. Eddie Shore would have. So would've Gordie Howe and Rocket Richard. This is an era of pampered, overpaid guys who sit out a playoff game simply because their TIRED.  Thank god

there are still some players out there with the moxie to play through it because they know what is at stake. Capital City's Tom "Berg" Bergault, Andy "BTO" Bachmann and Jim "The Big Cum" Commerford (pictured at left).  Oak St. Boozer's Jeff "Hurricane" Cain or  Mike  "The Little Cum" Commerford of CHS 92. Clint "Eastwood" Casavaugh and Brian "Big Till" Tillotson of Cheers. , John "Bigfoot" Reagan of the Concord Hockey Club. Ryan "Silky" Brandt, Mark Rudz and Tom "Shemp" Champagne of the Turkey Pond "Assholes". Jim "Heathy" Heath of the Budmen. These are the names of the guys who gave it all they had at Black Ice and still brought it to game one of the NAHL playoffs. And no one brought it more than Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford (pictured above). He carried Team Green  to a game one victory, scoring six of Green's seven goals and assisting on the other. He blocked shots, forechecked, backchecked and filled the water bottles for his thirsty teammates. He earned first, second AND third star of the game honors. After the game he went up to Concord Hospital and visited a number of guys who had checked in immediately after the Black Ice tournament. A Little Cum goes a long way when it's playoff time.
This weekend, look for the CCHL week 16 wrap up along with final thoughts about the 2013 Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships.

CCHL Week Fif Tane

Cimo's shocked the CCHL with an 8-7 upset of B2W on monday. Cimo's opened up a big lead led by Tom "Badger" Carroll. Mick Mounsey scored in his third straight game. Both players will be looking to defend their Hobey Sticks this weekend at White's Park. Shayne LeBreton, Kevin Karales and Ian Hamlet each had two goals for B2W. They were without Clint "The Edge" and Edward "Scissorhands" while Cimo's was missing Jake "The Iron" Curtain who was playing for the Aruba Jellyfish in the Caribbean League.
Cheers steamrolled Windmill 10-4 to move into second place. Windmill was not spinning at all this night. Cheers was led by "The Timinator" who had the hat trick. He's getting hot right in time for Jack Edward's Teeth to chatter in the frigid air at White's Park. Corey "La Cucca Racha" LaRoche, Chris Robert and league leading scorer Chris "Green" Acres all had multi goal games. Joel Arsenault led the scoring for The Mill. We think The Mill may be suffering from a Wild Wing hangover.
The 2013 Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships get under way tomorrow morning at 9 am. It's going to be cold and awesome!

Arctic Blast Arrives to Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships

 This year's Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships will be as FRIGID as an old maid. Unlike last year's delayed start due to balmy temperatures, this year it will be plenty cold. You can expect wind chills hovering around zero.  We may also see some snow falling on friday and saturday.  Cimo is going to be pumping in  plenty of hot chocolate from the city's vast reserve's buried deep beneath the park.

 Our most excellent rink crews will be facing bitter temps as they set up the eight rinks in preparation for friday's opening ceremony. Our crews will be steeped in anti-freeze as well as their can-do attitudes. That's why this is without question, The Greatest Show on Earth. One question on the minds of many fans is: Will new governor Maggie Hassan Bin Sobar be dropping the ceremonial first puck?

 One word of caution for any law breakers: If we catch you on the ice when it says Keep Off, we'll feed you to our polar bear. Officer Bo Jackson has his eye on you suckers. Bo knows. So don't do what those other guys did. That was before Brownie bought the polar bear.

A word of warning to other teams in the fifty and over division: The Turkey Pond Flyers have been practicing twice a day. Early mornings without pucks and late afternoons without cups. Besides that, they have jackets!  It has been rumored that the Budmen are all getting company cars if they repeat this year. With all wheel drive too!

Thawing the Carrot: CCHL Week 14

It's just days to go before the Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships and players in the CCHL are putting on the foil and putting the carrot in the snowman as they ready for the big event. The Sisters Karamazov will be on hand to thaw the carrot if needs be. From the projected forcast it appears there may be some frozen carrots next weekend.
In week 14 The Windmill finally solved the B2W riddle. The Mill jumped out to a 6-2 lead ,but they saw the lead dwindle to just one. Mark Crowley and his defenseman held serve and hung on for the win. Travis "Gang Bang" Banga scored the hat trick for the Windmill while Ian "2B or Not 2B" Hamlet registered three goals for B2W.
In game 2 it was Cimo's continuing it's losing ways as they fell to Cheers 16-7. "The Cockroach" Corey Laroche lit the lamp five times and teammate Tim "The Timinator" Walsh scored four, Tom Maher had three as did Chris "Bob" Robert.  For Cimo's it was Nate "Rain Man" Raimo with a pair and Tom "Badger" Carroll with two. Chris "Green" Acres and Mick Mounsey scored for Cimo's also.
Carroll will be skating with The Budmen who will be in defense of their Black Ice title in the thirty five plus division. Tim Walsh and Mick Mounsey will be looking to three-peat with Jack Edward's Teeth in the Open division. I'm sure there are plenty of CCHLers who have other ideas about who will be skating away with the Hobey Stick in 2013. One thing we do know: The Sisters Karamazov will be in the players tent dressed in nothing but fur hats and Black Ice Thongs. Bring your frozen carrot in for a thaw.

Black & Blue Ice

You can always tell when the Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships are near because the NAHL gets a snarl. Last night was the chippiest and hardest hitting game of the season between league rivals Blue and Green. Referee Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse had his hands full. League officials looked at video replay to determine if any suspensions would be handed out. Said league president Paul "Pop" Gozaweizle,  "We take this very seriously and some players may be in jeopardy of missing games at the upcoming Black Ice Pond Hockey Champioships".  By 2 a.m. this morning the league had made their assessment and handed out fines as well as one suspension. One player was suspended. That was the young brash Blue defenseman Dave "Motor" Carlson.  He will not be allowed to participate in the Black Ice tournament. "After watching the films, we determined Carlson was reckless and was intent on injuring someone. His hit to the head on Dunc "Coach" Walsh and his viscous slash on Ryan "Silky" Brandt  were just two incidents that stand out in our minds as reason for the suspension", said Gozaweizle.  Walsh was taken to Concord Hospital for a brain scan. The scan showed acute brain trauma. He will be reevaluated on thursday by "Tilly" to determine if he will be able to play in the Black Ice tournament. Brandt's forearm was lacerated. He was stitched up on the bench by  teammate Tom "Philby" Philbrick, but Brandt didn't miss a shift. "The thread was still hanging out of his arm on one shift  because because Philbrick could not get all twenty stitches complete before Brandt's next shift. "When "Silky" came back to the bench I put the last eight stitches in his arm. I got a lot better at it by the end. I'm thinking of going back to school to become a doctor", said Philby.  Philbrick was credited with assists on all of Brandt's three goals. Silky earned second star honors for his play at both ends of the ice. The game was a back and forth affair with lead exchanges multiple times. In the third period Tom "TC" Carroll took over the game and led the Blue charge from the blue line. TC scored a hat trick and added two assists. The five point night earned Carroll the first star of the game honors and lifted him up into second place in the league scoring race, just one point behind league leading scorer Tom "Shemp" Champagne who had a goal and an assist on the night. Both players are on pace to break the 100 point mark this season. The third star of the game went to Jim "The Big Cum" Commerford who had two goals and two assists. His linemate Phil "Commish" Stuart had three assists which moved him from 108th to 39th in league scoring. Blue's 8-6 win over Green moved them into a tie in the eastern conference. History shows that the team who wins the last game before the Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships goes on the win the league title 85% of the time. That's good news for Blue fans.
The Pucking Files has been doing some investigation into the Manti Te'o scandal and discovered that there is a lot more to the story than has been reported up until this point. They found this photo of Lennay Kekua sitting on Johnny Manziel's car hood. The Samoan beauty was apparently dating "Johnny Football" in the weeks leading up to the National Championship game. Manti Te'o was so distraught to find out that Kekua was sleeping with Manziel that he made up the rumor that she had died. "In his mind she was dead", said Manziel. "He couldn't face the fact that the guy who stole his Heisman also stole his girl". "Lennay is not dead at all. She is alive and well and living at my place. She's polishing my Heisman trophy as we speak", Manziel added. "I feel bad for Manti. He needs to get a grip on reality and realize that he lost. He's going to have to get over it. I suggest that he sign up on Match.com and find himself another girl; one that he can handle. Lennay and I are in love and it's a love that will make even Brent Musberger say silly things".
Don't forget to look for the special Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships installment coming out on monday . Find out where all your favorite NAHL stars will be throughout the tournament.

Controversial Win For Green; Controversial Tie For Blue

Last night in the NAHL, Green tied Blue 10-9. The tie moved Green into first place in the Eastern Conference. The tie dropped Blue out of the top spot in the Eastern Conference. "The refereeing was atrocious!", exclaimed Green coach Gary "Toe" Blake. The game was chippy and sticks were high. Blue's Jim "Heathy" Heath took a high stick to the face as payback for  Dan "Too Late" Early's blind side hit on Ryan "Silky" Brandt. Heath was stitched up on the bench by teammate Brian "Big Till" Tillotson. "I thought about becoming a doctor once", said Tillotson, but when I found out that I'd have to go through eight years of college I decided against it." There are a number of  guys in the NAHL who went  to go to college for eight years , but none of them  ever received  a diploma.
The first star of the game went to Andy "BTO" Bachman who scored a "bunch of goals", although no one knows exactly how many. It was enough to put him in second place in the scoring race behind league leader Tom "Shemp" Champagne who had a pair of goals. Phil "Commish" Stuart was held off the score sheet and has dropped from 65th to 108th in the scoring race. Tom "TC" Carroll earned second stars honors with a hat trick and he takes over sole possession of third place in the scoring race. Jack "Jackhammer" Fraiser scored on a wicked wrista from the point. The goal moved "The Jackhammer" up into 322nd place on the all time goals by a defenseman list.  Jim "Heathy" Heath scored the first goal of the game with a "wicked nasty booma" from the point. That goal moves him into second place in the all time goals by a defenseman list behind Vic Stanfield. It should be noted however that "Heathy" has no goals on German soil. The  third star of the game went to Tom "Painch" Painchaud who returned to the ice for the first time since undergoing  back surgery performed by (you guessed it), Brian "The Big Till" Tillotson. "For a guy who never studied medicine he did an o.k. job",

Girl on a Mission (position)

 explained Painch . Painchaud centered a line with league leading scorer Tom "Shemp" Champagne and  Mark Rudz who leads the league in both plus AND minus.  The fourth star of the game went to Kenny "Rebel Without a Rebound" Dean for his mathematical skills. Dean counted only nine goals scored against him. If Dean's argument is true then Green won 9-9 instead of 10-9. Either way, Green still moves into first place in the Eastern Conference. "It's possible that Dean forgot one of the goals scored against him, but highly unlikely because he has a mind like a steel trap", said rival goalie Kenny "Don't Ya Love Em Madly" Bradly. "I guess steel traps must be pretty smart", he added.
It has been brought to our attention that some people feel that showing photos of scantily-clad women on The Pucking Files is chauvinistic AND tasteless. The Pucking Files would like to offer an apology to anyone who's been offended by this practice.  From now on we will refrain from showing photos of scantily clad women except for if they have a hockey stick in their hand. Other exceptions may include women with the American flag, a bottle of Russian Vodka, a roll of tape, a beer , a pair of skates, a Black Ice Thong, another women's breast or a hard copy of The Pucking Files.

Week 13 in CCHL: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

The Buffalo stampede rumbled in the CCHL on monday night. Buffalo Wild Wings continued the league domination by defeating Cheers 11-9. B2W is now 12 and 1 and it doesn't look like they show any signs of slowing down. Kevin Karales led the attack with four goals, Ed "Scissor Hands" Caron had three and Clint "The Edge" Edinger had a pair.  For Cheers it was Tim "The Timinator" Walsh scoring four goals. Walsh started the season with a DWS injury that plagued him for much of the season,  but "The Timinator" is beginning to heat up which is good news for Cheers who have championed mediocrity so far this season. As the trade deadline is looming, one name that keeps coming up is Zac "The Geisha" Guercia who may be part of the Robert Luongo deal. The big question is; Can Luongo sharpen skates?
On tuesday night ticket sales at the Doug were at a season low as Cimo's was crushed by The Windmill. Many of Cimo's fans were wearing bags over their heads. Any thought of relocation is now on the back burner since no one is interested in purchasing them until their record improves. Injuries, alcoholism  and video games have kept a number of their players out of the line up this season. Cimo's oft injured captain Mick Mounsey scored his first goal of the season, but that was not nearly enough to overcome the fourteen scored by Windmill.  Ryan "Super Sub" Williamson had four goals for The Mill and he has made a case for not being sent back to juniors if he could some how come up with money for his league fee. I heard they are looking for waiters at Buffalo Wild Wings. Bill "Hawkeye" MacDougall snapped a six game scoring drought by registering the hat trick for The Mill. Joel "The Arsenal" Arsenault and Dan "Aren't" Arndt each added a pair of goals in the 14 - 3 rout. Even Cimo's mascot "General Cimo" gave up on the team (see photo).
CCHL Standings
1. B2W         12- 1
2. Windmill    7-6
3. Cheers        6-7
4. Girl Scouts 2-11
5. Cimo's        1-12

Goal Scoring Leaders
1. Edward Scissorhands    29
2. Clint Edinger                 28
3. Chris Acres                   27
4. Badger Carroll              22
4. The Cockroach             22
4. Tim Walsh                    22                                
7. Kevin Karales               21                                    
8. Chris Robert                 19
9. Travis Banga                18
9. Joel Arsenault               18                                  

Rebel Without A Rebound Returns

It was the return of Kenny "Rebel Without a Rebound" Dean that sparked team Blue last night at the Doug. On Black Ice Ale night the rowdy fans of the NAHL were loud and proud of their Blue squad. Dean held team Green scoreless until midway through the third period. Blue jumped out to an early lead and never looked back. Green backstop Andy "Gump" Doherty was Green's best player all evening, facing wave after wave of Blue attackers. Doherty made 88 saves. The game was low scoring and close until midway into the second period when Blue firepower proved too much for Green. In the end, Blue skated away with a 7-3 victory. First star honors went to Kenny "Rebel Without a Rebound" Dean who had been out of the line up for over a month with carpal tunnel syndrome . He stopped 33 of Green's 36 shots. Green got a highlight reel goal from Jimmy "The Big Cum" Commerford who schooled the Blue defender on the effects of Black Ice Ale and decision making. "The Big Cum" is trying to catch league leading scorer Tom "Shemp" Champagne who had a goal and three assists for team Blue. Commerford is just four points behind Champagne and one point ahead of Tom "Philby" Philbrick who also had a goal and an assist for Blue. Philby is tied with Tom "TC" Carroll and Dave "Tilly" Tillotson for third in scoring. Reigning MVP  Phil "Commish" Stuart had no points last night and has dropped down to 65th in the scoring race.
"It was a great win for us", said Dean. "They ran out of Black Ice Ale too early and so many fans didn't stick around to see me lose my shut out. I tried not to think about it, but it's hard not to when my brain keeps saying, "don't think about a shut out". It's like when someone tells you not to think about a monkey and you think about a monkey. I thought about breaking my stick over the cross bar after Tilly broke my shut out, but then I thought about "Harry" and told myself that he's not in the league anymore. I don't want to be known as Kenny "Rebel Without a Stick" Dean. Some people think goalies are weird. I think that's weird that people think goalies are weird".

NHL Lockout Talks Continue