2013; A Year to Remember or Forget

As 2013 draws to an end, we look back at the events that made headlines and made it a year to remember. We start with the 2013 Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships. There was plenty of cold weather on hand at White's Park this year. We watched as The Turkey Pond "Assholes" Flyers were scolded for not playing nice with other children. It must have had an effect on them as their docile play on sunday allowed the Hobey Stick to leave town with NYC's St.Nick's Athletic Club. In the 35+ division, The Budmen lost their Hobey Stick to the Coor's drinking guys from Agawam, Ma. Jack Edward's Teeth did the Capital City proud by threepeating in the Open Division, but then brought shame upon themselves by not lending a helping hand in the clean up process. The White Park Hockey Club was also given a Knob Award for their failure to help in the clean up or set up efforts.
In the NAHL, Blue was crowned Champions by defeating rival Green in a game seven. John "Stuffy" Stevenson's squad played a sound two way game and Green never could get anything going. Stevenson and company couldn't get over their championship hangover, however,  and got off to the worst start in franchise history this fall, which cost "Stuffy" his job as his struggling Blue squad was in last place in the eastern conference going into the Christmas break. Meanwhile, Gary "Toe" Blake surprised everyone this summer when he announced his retirement. The winningest coach in NAHL history, "Toe" set the standard for modern day coaching. He implemented the "dump and watch" system which  is used by all teams now in the NAHL. "The Toe" was replaced by "The Thumb" as first year coach Tom "Thumb" Flanders took over the reins of Green and has his club in first place in the NAHL. Thumb's name is being mentioned whenever the conversation of "The Bud" comes up. In other NAHL news for 2013; Dunc "Coach" Walsh became the first two-time winner of "The Vic" as league MVP. The unanimous choice of the hockey writer's club, Walsh showed why it pays to put in a  50% effort game in and game out.
In the CCHL this year; The Windmill was crowned champion after they shut out Buffalo Wild Wings in the finals. The first finals shut out in CCHL history earned netminder Mark Crowley the MVP of the playoffs. Tim "The Timinator" Walsh was crowned the CCHL scoring champion after a slow start was followed by a red hot second half of the season. So far this season, "The Timinator" is being touted as "The Timidator" because of his timid scoring pace so far. Matt "Nads" Nadeau finally got his first CCHL victory just last week. News of his success reached around the globe and even toppled a government or two.
Perhaps the biggest story of 2013 was the rescue of Moe Rudz from a slave labor camp inside North Korea. Moe was abducted by North Korean forces while on a panda safari in China that unsuspectingly crossed into N. Korean territory.  Joe "Joe" Farrelly arranged a rescue of the eccentric billionaire. It included the derailed rescue attempt by Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly and Moe's younger brother Mark Rudz. The two were forced to parachute out of their plane "The Knat" after it was sabotaged by Poon & Tang, the notorious North Korean spys. Mike Farrelly's amazing story sold more copies than the Bible and the Koran combined. "G.I. Joe" Farrelly's forces overwhelmed Korean troops and rescued Moe Rudz. This saw the NAHL season open it's season in Seoul, South Korean and thus open the Asian market to NAHL hockey.
2013 is surely a year to be remembered even if you want to forget it.

Green's Cummy Comeback

Pre Christmas Lube

North Pole Dancers

Green rallied from a 6-2 deficit to defeat Blue 9-6. Led by Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford's four goals, Green scored seven unanswered goals to stun the Blue crowd at The Doug. Midway through the second period it looked like everything was coming up Blue to the delight of the home  crowd. That is when Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford went to work. Commerford used his speed to undo the Blue defense and his accurate shot to light the lamp. He earned first star of the game by tallying four goals to go along with four assists. Commerford has now moved into third place in NAHL scoring just behind Jeff Cain and Dave Carlson. Blue's rookie coach Tom "Painch" Painchaud went with a shortened bench which paid early dividends, but the strategy seemed to backfire when Blue ran out of gas midway through the contest and Green  began to take control of the game. The second star went to Tom "Philby" Philbrick who tallied twice and wore down the Blue D with his relentless forcheck.
The NAHL decided to try the two referee system. It went well with Bill "Hawkeye" MacDougall seeing the call and Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse blowing the whistle. Green defenseman John "Bigfoot" Reagan may not agree as he argued a missed call after he took a stick to the chin which required multiple stitches to close the gash. Reagan was experiencing concussion like symptons and remains in Concord Hospital for observation. He is expected to be released before next thursday's rematch. The third star of the game went to George "Dumpin" Chase for his strong play from the backline.  Chase was a plus nine on the night. Not only did he dump, but he also chased.  All three stars received lube jobs from Tiffany Claus and front row tickets to the North Pole Dancers Christmas extravaganza.
This week in the CCHL; Matt "Nads" Nadeau notched his first CCHL victory of his career as Cimo's defeated Windmill in an OT thriller. Windmill stormed out of the gates to grab a 5-0 lead after the first period. Nadeau rallied the Cimo's troops and they fought back to tie the game at six with just three minutes left in regulation. Nadeau scored twice for Cimo's , but it was Tom "Badger" Carroll who ended the OT on a breakaway, going to the backhand to light the lamp and lift the crowd out of their seats. The team carried "Nads" around the rink on their shoulders, much to the delight of the Cimo's faithful. News travelled across the globe and celebrations took place in nearly seventy countries. North Korean president Kim Jong Il has invited Nadeau to be his special guest along with Dennis "The Worm" Rodman.
In game two; BWW remains atop the standings as they made it six in a row by downing Cheers 10-7. The first line of Banga, Williamson and Richards led the way for BWW. Travis "Gang Bang" Banga  tallied twice along with Mike Richards and "Flyin" Ryan Williamson led all scorers with four goals. D- man Nick Dominici scored twice for Cheers. Tim "The Timinator" scored a goal, but, many are wondering what's wrong with last season's leading scorer.  Walsh has managed to find the back of the twine only fourteen times so far this season which puts him far off of his pace from a year ago. Perhaps Santa will bring him his scoring touch to carry him  through the second half of the season.
Look for The Year-in-Review next week on Pucking Files. From all of us here at The Pucking Files, we want to wish you a very Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanuaka, a Kwazy Kwanza and a Sweet Ramadama Doo!

Ever Green

The new Mrs. Claus

Last thursday Green got back to it's winning ways by stopping Blue's winning streak at one. Referee Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse was serving a one game suspension for failing a breathalyzer test thirty minutes before the game. He was replaced by Bill "Hawkeye" MacDougall who called it by the book. Blue got out to an early 5-1 lead, but Green stormed back to tie it. Blue then scored two, only to see Green tie it up again. Green finally grabbed the lead in the 3rd period and hung on to a 9-8 lead with minutes remaining. Blue pulled their goalie at just the wrong time and Green added an empty netter to seal the deal.
NAHL Goal Scoring Leaders
1. Jeff Cane
2. Dave Carlson
3. Brian Tillotson
4. Dave Masinek
5. Greg Fournier

In the CCHLCheers downed Cimo's 6-3. Corey "The Cockroach" Laroche had the hat trick. In game two, BWW defeated The Windmill 7-5. The line of Richards, Williamson and Banga scored five of BWW's seven goals.
CCHL Standings                    CCHL Goal Scoring
1. BWW        15 pts.               1. Richards     23 gls
2. Windmill    12                     2. Faretra        22
3. Cheers        11                     3. Laroche      21
4. Cimos         02                     4. Williamson 21
                                                5. Walsh         13

Blue Finds Their Mojo

It took eight weeks, a new coach and a new gm, but Blue finally got a win this season. Getting off to their worst start in franchise history, Blue ownership decided it was time to overhaul the team and it paid dividends immediately. Former Blue standout Tom "Painch" Painchaud was behind the bench for the first time since replacing John "Stuffy" Stevenson. New gm Mike "Garbo" Garafalo shuffled the deck and put a new faster line up on the ice. Green was used to having their way with Blue this season. Green seemed to be in shock as they watched Blue skate around them all night long. Goaltender Kenny "Rebel Without a Rebound" Dean faced seventy shots and stopped sixty one of them. Dean saw more rubber than an assembly line worker at a condom factory. Down at the other end of the ice, Kenny "Don't Ya Glove Em Madly" Bradley was stellar between the pipes. Bradley was flashing the glove all night long, robbing point blank shots from "TC" Carroll, Clint "Eastwood" Casavaugh and Jim "Heathy" Heath. It wasn't until the third period that Green finally broke the shut out bid when Joe "Joe" Farrelly rifled a slapshot from the point to light the lamp. Bradley earned first star of game for his stellar play. Ryan "Silky" Brandt was named second star of the game. Brandt had two goals and two assists and played shut-down D all game long. Chris "Brownie" Brown also scored a pair from his blue line position and his rough physical play kept Green away from Bradley's crease. Brownie's play earned him third star honors. Blue got off to an early 2-0 lead, but they blew the game wide open when Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse called Green for "Too Many Men on the Ice". Blue went to work on the powerplay and moved the puck with ease around the offensive zone. They scored to go up 3-0. "It just seemed to open the flood gates for us", said new coach Tom "Painch" Painchaud. Blue piled it on as Green was back on their heels for the rest of the game. Green added a couple of meaningless goals at the end to make the score 9-3. "If it wasn't for Dean, we could've have scored twenty last night", said Andy "BTO" Bachmann. "It felt good to get that first win under our belts", said Painch. "There is still plenty of time left in the season to get back into the playoff hunt", said new GM Mike "Garbo" Garafalo. Tom  "Thumb" Flanders suffered his first loss as a coach in the NAHL. "I think we learned that you can't take a night off in this league. It's just not an option". .............................................................................

  

Week 9 in the CCHL saw Cimo's win streak come to an end. After an amazing one game run, Cimo's finally came back down to earth when Matt "Nads" Nadeau was reinserted into the line up. "Nads" is still searching for his first career CCHL victory. The story has grown so big now that it's like a media circus whenever Nads takes to the ice. In Russia he is known as "Nadia". In North Korea he is called "Wong Chi" which translates to "man without victory".  In Saudi Arabia he is referred to as "Abu Saha" which means "no wind".  BWW made it four wins in a row by defeating Cimo's 8-4. BWW has won four in a row and are unbeaten in their last seven. "Flyin" Ryan Williamson found the back of the net four times and league leading goal scorer Mike Richards scored twice. For Cimo's it was Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse and Tom "Badger" Carroll eaching lighting the lamp twice. BWW sits atop of the CCHL standings.
In game two, fans were treated to a nail-biter. Windmill hung on to defeat Cheers 4-2. Both teams got stellar goaltending from their backstoppers. The veteran Mark "The Wall" Crowley was solid for Cheers and James "The Wizard of Moz" Mozkos was equal to the task for The Mill. Captain Gavin "You Betcha" Faretra had a pair of goals for Windmill including an empty netter to seal the deal in the waning moments of this tight checking affair. "Hawkeye" MacDougal and "Slick" Nick Lacasse also scored for The Mill. For Cheers, it was "The Timinator"  and "The Cockroach" who found the back of the net. "The Wizard of Moz" showed a little magic in the final minute of the game by keeping the puck out of the net during a scramble in front just before Faretra put the game on ice by scoring into the vacated Cheer's goal.

Nad's Fan

CCHL Standings
1. BWW     13 pts
2. Windmill 12 pts
3. Cheers      9 pts
4. Cimo's      2 pts

Goal Scoring
1. Richards   21
2. Faretra     21
3. Williamson  20
4. Laroche   18
5. Walsh  13

Green Powers Past Blue for 6th Straight Win

Green cruised to it's sixth straight win over rival Blue last night in front of a capacity crowd at the Doug. The Green Machine continues to dominate in the NAHL Eastern Conference as they head into the Thanksgiving All Star break with the best record in the entire NAHL. Green is two points ahead of Chrome who tops the Western Conference. Green defeated Blue 8-5 with the help of Tom "Duster" Dustin who has made an improbable comeback after a three year absence from the NAHL.  Coach "Thumb" Flanders is making a case for "Coach of the Year" honors in his rookie season behind the Green bench. Blue, on the other hand, is digging a hole for themselves as the cellar dwellers in the east. Only Cimo's in the CCHL has a worse record than Blue. Blue hopes to use the time off to regroup. Blue ownership is looking for a new GM and coach. Rumors are that Mike Garbo will get the GM position and probably hire former NAHLer Tom "Painch" Painchaud to run the bench.  We should have an answer by Thanksgiving.
In week 7 of the CCHL, Buffalo Wild Wings have won five straight with their 9-6 win over The Windmill.  A rivalry seems to be brewing between these two clubs. Mike Richards took over the league's goal scoring race by netting four goals while his linemates "Flyin" Ryan Williamson and Travis "Gang Bang" Banga each added a pair for BWW's top line. Windmill was down 5-1, but they came storming back to knot the score at five. BWW would not be denied however as they pulled away to the 9-6 victory. The Mill was led by Gavin "You Betcha" Faretra who scored twice and Bill "Hawkeye" MacDougal and "Slick" Nick Lacasse each lit the lamp.  Bad blood is on the rise in this rivalry.
Cimo's still could not find a way to get a W this season as they were soundly trounced by Cheers 10-3. Corey "The Cockroach" Laroche and Cam "Bam" Heath each scored a hat trick to lead the way for Cheers.  Rumors are swirling of changes to be made by owner John "Cimo" Cimokoski if he doesn't see some wins for his club soon. After last season's two and twenty record, Cimo was hoping for a much improved club this year. He hasn't found any reason to be optimistic. A possible deal is in the works to hire Tom "Philby" Philbrick, the outstanding two way centerman in the NAHL, as their new GM.  Philby is a consultant for the Windmill. Philby's agent has yet to comment on wether his client would consider the position.

Mike Richards scores again!

CCHL Goal Scoring Leaders
1. Mike Richards
2. Ryan Williamson
3. Corey Laroche
4. Gavin Faretra
5. Tim Walsh

CCHL Standings
Windmill 5-2
Cheers    4-2-1
BWW    4-2-1
Girl Scouts 1-6
Cimos    OH & 7

Green Stuffs Blue in a Tight One

The Jackhammer

What has happened to defending champs Blue? The once proud franchise has now landed in the cellar of the NAHL's eastern conference. Blue ownership had seen enough and on wednesday they fired coach John "Stuffy" Stevenson and temporarily replaced him with assistant coach Tim "The Timinator" Walsh. It wasn't enough to right the Blue ship however as they fell short, losing to long time rival Green 7-6. Green has now won five straight against their crosstown rivals. Joe "Joe" Farrelly was out in LA trying to pull off a deal to bolster the roster for the boys in Blue. Rumors have circulated that he has made a deal with Chrome for defenseman Brian "Tilly" Tillotson who signed a one year deal with Chrome in the off season. Blue had a number of roster changes including inserting flamboyant rookie winger Mookie Watts into the line up. "The Mook Man" did manage to score a goal, but his excessive celebration infuriated management who sent Mookie back to the minors immediately following the game. "That was not what we needed right now", said frustrated interim coach Tim Walsh. Meanwhile everything seems to be going Green's way under first year coach Tom "Thumb" Flanders. After long term coach Gary "Toe" Blake surprised everyone when he announced his retirement, many thought Green would take a step backward. On the contrary, "Thumb" has pushed all the right buttons and Green is firing on all eight cylinders. Green too inserted a rookie in THEIR line up. Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse replaced Dunc "Coach" Walsh who was a healthy scratch. Lacasse showed poise on the blue line for Green and he earned Second Star of the game honors. "He is making a case for himself to stay up  in "The Bigs", said teammate Jim "Heathy" Heath. "After getting a taste of life in the NAHL, Lacasse certainly doesn't want to have to go back down to the CCHL", said Thumb Flanders. First Star of the Game went to Kenny "Rebel Without a Rebound" Dean whose timely save of a Tom "Philby" Philbrick close range shot in the waning seconds of the game denied Blue a point and kept Green's winning streak alive. Jack "Jackhammer" Fraiser earned Third Star honors for his solid performance on the blue line for Green. "The Jackhammer" had several assists and more importantly he kept the ever dangerous "Cummy Brothers" in check all game. "We had no time or space out there" said Jim "The Big Cum" Commerford. "Jackhammer"  held the Commerfords to just one point apiece and the league's former top two scorers dropped down to fourth and fifth as Green's two "TC's" moved up into the first and second spot in league scoring. Tom "TC" Carroll had a four point night to grab the league lead and Tom "The Other TC" Champagne also had four points which bumped him up to the second spot in the NAHL scoring race. Dan "Lucky" Luker is third. Luker had a beautiful tip-in goal to open the scoring last night.
What's going on with NAHL defenseman lately? The injury bug has bitten hard into the league's defensive core. Out of action this week is George "Dumpin" Chase, Brian Tillotson, Gregg "Moose" Moffet, Joe "Joe" Farrelly, Jeff "Hurricane" Cain, Dave "Motor" Carlson and John "Bigfoot" Reagan.  D-men such as Jim "Heathy" Heath, Chris "Brownie" Brown, Ryan "Silky" Brandt and Jack "Jackhammer" Fraiser are being double and triple shifted. Eventually these guys are going to wear down if they don't get some help back on the blue line. Could we see the return of Vic Stanfield? Perhaps we could. Time will tell.

Green Streak

The powerful Green Machine has made it four in a row against rival Blue. Blue seems unable to come up with any answers to stop Green who rolled to an easy 9-2 victory. Last night marked the return of two time and reigning MVP Dunc "Coach" Walsh. The critics who questioned the league's choice of Walsh as MVP were silenced last night as "Coach" scored the hat trick. Walsh, the swing-man on the front line last night, meshed seamlessly with the line of Tillotson, Todd Philbrick and Rosatto as well with the line of Luker, Bergault and Rudz. "He can play any position and play with anyone AND he brings his lunch pail out there every shift" , said Dave "Tilly" Tillotson, who is Dunc's identical cousin and he too had a hat trick last night. "I've worked out hard all fall to get ready for the season", said Walsh. "Nobody told me that it started a month ago", he added.  Last night also marked the return of Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly to the line up. "Hipshake" was rehabbing from  his ordeal in North Korea. "I had been suffering in silence after I returned to the States. Few people know what it's like to cheat death and come back from the brink. Many people doubted my story which also made it difficult to fit back into society. One guy who supported me through all of this was Mark Rudz. He knows because he was there. I would wake in the middle of the night from nightmares of Poon and Tang sitting on my face. I couldn't breathe. My doctor prescribed me Atrex which has helped with the paranoia. It does have some side effects such as: bleeding gums, hemorrhoids, itching and flaking, bad breath, gas, aching joints, trouble urinating, slow skating, hands of stone, poor vision on the ice, bad decision making with the puck and suicidal thoughts  between periods. It did cause an erection that lasted more than four hours. I did not call my doctor however, I let my wife take care of it. I'm just happy to be back in the line up. I thought this day would never come", said Farrelly.  Walsh and Farrelly both earned first star of the game honors. Ryan Brandt was named second star of the game and Kenny "Rebel Without  A Rebound" Dean was named third star after stopping all but two of the four shots he faced last night. Green has added to their league lead while Blue has dropped down to six place.

The Great One!

This week in the CCHL saw The Windmill crush Cimo's 9-2. The Mill rebounded from their only loss last week to improve to four and one. Number one pick Pat Lacasse led the way with a hat trick and brother Nick and Bill "Hawkeye" MacDougall each added a pair of goals.  Cimo's got goals from Phil Lacasse and Mike Russell.  Injuries have a played a huge role in Cimo's poor start to the season. Losing also played a big part to their Oh and five season.
In game two this week, BWW and Cheers played to a five all tie. After and OT and a shoot out no one was able to break the stalemate.  Corey "The Cockroach" Laroche and Tim "The Timinator" Walsh each potted a pair of goals for Cheers. Former LA King Mike Richards had two goals for B2W.  Cheers has gone to the left wing lock which has allowed them to give up fewer goals than they used to.  Captain Tim Walsh has stressed team defense and it has proven successful for Cheers. "Our wide-open style became our Achille's Heal" said Walsh. "We know now that defense wins in the new CCHL".

Halloween Slasher Strikes at The Doug

One could sense something sinister lurking inside The Doug last night. It took about ten minutes before Halloween reared it's ugly head in the match up between Green and Blue. In a game that featured the return of Dave "Tilly" Tillotson and Gregg "Moose" Moffet, fans were on the edge of their seats, which is usually the case when these two teams get together.  Green jumped out to an early lead, but Blue clawed their way back into the game. Green held a slim 4-3 lead when "The Slasher" struck.  Fans and players watched in horror as "The Slasher" targeted his victim Mark Rudz and slashed his $200. stick in half. Referee Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse was in a state of shock and did not have the presence of mind to call the penalty.   Splinters of kevlar littered the ice as fans screamed in horror. Blue coach John "Stuffy" Stevenson said, "I was sickened by what I saw out there. It was a brutal and ruthless attack and I had all I could do to not vomit." Minutes later Lacasse made a questionable call and awarded a penalty shot to long time sniper Tom "Berg" Bergault.  Berg slowly moved in on netminder Kenny "Don't Ya Love Em Madly" Bradley. Bergault pulled the puck back between his legs and flicked the puck passed the stunned Bradley. "It was black magic or voodoo or some kind of hocus pocus deal", claimed Bradly. Whatever you call it, a curse seemed to be placed on team Blue as Green had their way with Blue for the rest of the contest. Bradley faced two hundred and thirteen shots on the night. Every player on Green had two goals including goalie Kenny "Rebel Without a Rebound" Dean. Blue defenseman "Moose" Moffet also blocked forty three shots. "Wow, that was impressive", said Dean. "I didn't know Moffet could do that. Was he a goalie or something?" Referee Lacasse made his best call of the night when he evoked the mercy rule with one minute remaining in the game. Green starts the season at  four and oh. Blue drops down to 4th in the NAHL's eastern conference.
In the CCHL this week, The Windmill was handed it's first loss of the season, losing to B2W 6-5. Neither team ever led by more than one goal in the tight checking battle. "Flyin" Ryan Williamson had the hat trick. Travis "Gang Bang" Banga scored two and Mike Richards added the other for BWW. Windmill had five different goal scorers in the losing effort. Mike Spillane and James Mozkos had 44 saves apiece.  Earlier in the week, Cheers emerged victorious over Cimo's by a score of 8-6. With the score knotted at six, Cheers got the go-ahead goal with just minutes remaining. They added an empty netter to seal the deal. Cheers top line of Walsh, Laroche and Rackett led the way for Cheers. "The Cockroach" and Joe "What's That" Rackett each had a hat trick.  "The Timinator" scored a goal and five helpers. Tom "The Badger" Carroll scored twice for Cimo's as they came "oh so close" to that elusive first victory.  Matt Nadeau's search for his first CCHL win continues next tuesday against first place Windmill.
CCHL Goal Scoring
1. Gavin Faretra      10
2. Ryan Williamson  9
3. Corey Laroche     8
4. Mike Richards     8
5. Tim Walsh           7
5. Travis Banga       7

Green Rolls Without Toe

TC ate six pizzas prior to the game

Thursday night brought another epic battle of Green vs. Blue to the Doug. Many believed that Green would lose their way since long time coach Gary "Toe" Blake retired just prior to the start of the season. The reason for his retirement is still unclear, but rumor is that Blake believes he is being tormented by lawn gnomes. This has not been officially confirmed. Blue was out to an early 3-1 lead before Tom "TC" Carroll took control of the game. TC carried Green as they defeated their arch rivals in Blue 8-7. Carroll had six points on the evening which earned him first star honors. The third star went to "The Other TC", Tom "Shemp" Champagne who had the hat trick for Blue. The games second star was awarded to Phil "Commish" Stuart who scored two goals including the game winner. Green brought up rookie netminder Zac "The Giesha" Guercia from the CCHL to replace the injured Kenny "Rebel Without a Rebound" Dean. Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford added to his league scoring lead with two goals and two helpers. The win moves Green into sole possession of first in the eastern conference. Blue drops to third while Teal moves into the second spot.  
Sunday brings the NH Legends of Hockey Banquet to the Capital City. It will honor the Concord High Hockey program. Featured speakers include Olympian Tara Mounsey and stand-up comic Dunc Matthews. No word as to whether the Cozy brothers will be on his wing. All former Brady players have been warned to stay home until the danger has passed.

CCHL News

This week in the CCHL featured a battle of two unbeaten teams as well as a short handed Cimo's squad. On monday night BWW overwhelmed an undermanned Cimo's squad 12-6. Mike Richards led the way for BWW with four goals. Travis "Gang Bang" Banga scored a hat trick and Ryan Williamson added a pair. The line of Richards, Banga and Williamson seem to be the hottest trio in the CCHL at this early juncture. Cimo's was forced to play with only seven players since the "Peruvian Flu" has run rampant amongst the Cimos locker room. Captain Mick Mounsey's absence was very apparent to the disappointed home town fans. Cimo's fans can only hope that things will get better for their team as the season progresses. "For what I pay for season tickets, I would like to see more W's", said Earl Ballsac, a long time fan of Cimo's. It may be that too much of Cimo's payroll is tied up in Mounsey's long term contract and they can't afford the role players to support him.
On tuesday night The Doug was packed to see the battle of the unbeatens. What was billed to be "The Thriller on Vanilla", turned out to be a blowout. Windmill blew away Cheers 16-5 to up their record to 3 & Oh!  Gavin "You Betcha" Faretra led the way with four goals, which increased his league leading goal output to nine. Chris Doherty  and Joel "The Arsenal" Arsenault  each had hat tricks. James Moskos (The Artist Formerly Known as Jimmy Santos) was stellar in net once again. Cheer's dynamic duo of Tim "The Timinator" Walsh and Corey "Cockroach" Laroche each scored twice for Cheers. Team defense seems to be an issue for Cheers. Their high flying style may be outdated to fit into today's game. Let's face it; the CCHL has come down to team defense ruling the day.
In other hockey news; In the NAHL, long time coach Gary "Toe" Blake has stepped down as coach of Green. Blake is the winningest coach in NAHL history. Blake has yet to address the media as to his reason for retiring. Many believe that he is battling person demons (yard gnomes). This week's NAHL round up will come out on friday night due to a scheduling conflict.

Dead Man Skating

Player's jaws dropped when the locker room door opened and in walked Mark Rudz. Just weeks before a scheduled memorial service was to take place at The Doug, the improbable happened yet once again on Thursday night. Rudz, who was last seen in early July parachuting from the Knat just moments before it plummeted in the side of a mountain in North Korea, strolled into the locker room as if nothing had ever happened out of the ordinary. His teammates gathered around him to hear his tale of survival.  He told them that he walked from North Korea all the way over the North Pole then down through Canada and finally into New Hampshire. As his teammates clamored for more details, Rudz told them, "It's time to put that behind and start focusing on the upcoming game. " I think the shock of seeing Rudz had an effect on us in the early going", said Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford. Green got down 4-0 in the first period, but they woke up in the second period as the line of Casavaugh, Bergault and Commerford led the Green attack. The guys in Green took the lead in the third period, but Blue's Jim "Heathy" Heath tied it up. Moments later Green scored again to end the game in a 6-5 tie. "I was actually looking forward to the memorial service on Halloween", said Joe "Joe" Farrelly. "It was going to be one hell of a party because Mark's brother Moe was going to pay for it, which means we'd be drinking the good stuff", he added.
In other news; a huge blockbuster deal in the CCHL saw Cheers land defending champion goalie Mark Crowley in a multi-goalie deal. BWW inked rookie netminder Mike Spillane to a multi-game deal. Cimo's signed "The Giesha", Zac Guercia to a one year deal.  In game 1 this week Cheers improved to 2-0 with Crowley getting his first win for Cheers. Cam "Bam" Heath had the hat trick to go along with "The Timinator" and Jake "The Iron" Curtain who each had a pair.  For BWW, captain Travis "Gang Bang" Banga, Ryan Williamson and Mike Richards each scored a pair, but Crowley and company skated away with the 10-7 victory. In game 2, Windmill defeated Cimo's 5-3. Despite Zac Guercia's 43 saves, Cimo's fell to Oh and two. Pat Lacasse led the way for The Mill with two goals while Bill "Hawkeye" MacDougal, Jack Mullen and Chris Doherty each had a goal. Mick Mounsey, Matt Nadeau and Chris "Green" Acres scored for Cimmo's.  Matt Nadeau is still searching for his first CCHL victory. Sometimes it's darkest just before the dawn Matt.

And Away We Go!

Blue raises championship banner

Korean Zamboni

The 2013/2014 hockey season is underway at The Doug. Last night the NAHL defending champs Blue raised their banner before their adoring fans who packed The Doug. They took on arch rival Green. Blue looked like champions as they defeated Green 6-4. The night marked the return of George "Dumpin" Chase who missed most of last season with a sports hernia which resulted while playing miniature golf. Last night was also the debut of number one draft pick Darren "Sabe" Sabian. He showed rookie jitters early in the game, but he appeared lethargic midway through the second period. By the third period Sabian just appeared fatigued. Earlier in the evening, the NAHL held a charity event at the Grappone Center to benefit Hockey Fights Obesity (HFO). Many of the Thursday Night stars were on hand to sign autographs. A number of them were never seen the rest of the evening. Fines were handed out this morning. The NAHL season kicked off on wednesday in Seoul, South Korea as Chrome crushed Magenta 8-1. No one seemed to care that the game was a lopsided affair. Chrome now  has a huge following in South Korea. Dit Clapper Jr. had four goals for Chrome. Magenta coach Ingy Arnold complained about the ice conditions that were a result of poor ice surfacing equipment.
Elsewhere, the CCHL kicked off it's season this week at The Doug. The Windmill raised it's championship banner before humiliating Buffalo Wild Wings 13-3. The Mill's captain Gavin "You Betcha" Faretra led the way with five goals. BWW is still looking for it's chemistry as they have many new faces in the line up this season. Many are still looking for their jockstraps. Joel "The Arsenal" Arsenault and rookie Jack "The Ripper" Mullen had multiple goals for the Windmill. Ryan Williamson was the lone bright spot for BWW, scoring two goals.  In game 2, Cheers defeated Cimo's 9-4. Cheers was led by captain Tim "The Timinator" Walsh and linemates Corey "The Cockroach" Laroche and Cam "Bam" Heath. Each had a pair of goals. Power forward Dennis Molnar had the hat trick. Number one pick, backstop Ryan Simpson had a rough start to his career as he was pulled in the third period and replaced by back-up Homer Simpson.
For Cimos it was a disappointing night. After finishing in the cellar last season, captain Mick Mounsey was hoping for a better start to the 2013-14 season. One bright spot for Cimmos was veteran defenseman Jeff "Hurricane" Cain who established his physical presence on the blue line as well as scoring his first goal of the season.  In other news from the CCHL; Cheers goaltender John Tuttle left the team  for the KHL in Russia. He has been replaced by former UVM and Bow Falcon netminder Mike Spillane. Tuttle is looking at a frigid Russian winter.

CCHL Preview

Number One Overall Pick

Despite lingering financial problems, the CCHL will indeed have a season. Thanks to a huge financial bailout by Moe Rudz, the CCHL will once again take to the ice. "We need the CCHL in order to develop talent for the NAHL", said Moe. The CCHL held it's annual draft this week and to no one's surprise, Cimmos addressed their goaltending problems with the first pick of the draft by taking Lisa Simpson number one overall. Mick Mounsey was elated with the pick. Simpson is expected to be our starter and the future face of this club. The first forward selected also went to Cimmos. It was "The Badger", Tom Carroll, younger brother of "TC" Carroll of the NAHL. Captain Jeff "Hurricane" Cain said, "Badger has tons of potential. He is just starting to come into his own. His future with the club is very bright".  Cimmos also got the steal of the draft by getting skilled defenseman Phil Lacasse in the 4th round. "We couldn't believe Phil was still available", said Mounsey.  Phil, however, was the third of the three Lacasse brothers to go in the draft. The Windwill picked up his younger brothers in the first and second rounds. New Windmill captain Gavin "You Betcha" Faretra was looking for some speed to play along side Bill "Hawkeye" MacDougal.  Look for Cimmo's to move up in the standings this season, but, The Pucking Files picks Cheers, led by league leading scorer Tim "The Timinator" Walsh to take home the hardware this year after a disappointing early playoff exit last season. Mark Crowely may have something else in mind. Travis "Gang Bang' Banga and his B2W teammates may also make a run at it this year after their no-show performance in the finals last year.
Elsewhere, the NAHL will opens it's season overseas in Seoul, South Korea on October 9th as Magenta takes on Chrome. Then on Thursday October 10th, Blue will raise it's championship banner to the rafters of "The Doug" before they take on long time rival Green. The 2013-2014 season should be a dandy.

The Hipshake Interview: Part 2

The Pucking Files sat down with Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly for part 2 of his candid interview. This interview may not be suitable for people with heart conditions or an overly active thyroid.

TPF: How much time elapsed before you realized that you were in dire straits?
HS: I lost all track of time after the second week. I ran out of all my rations and I was left to eat whatever I could find in the wilderness. I began getting terrible blisters on my feet and I developed a purple rash all over my body. I started to lose weight rapidly because I had so little food. To make matters worse; I got dysentery from drinking swamp water. My clothes were beginning to rot. I eventually boiled my boots and ate them. I was getting desperate, so I started trying anything that looked somewhat edible. I ate some ugly looking mushrooms and they must have been poison. I passed out for what may have been days or even weeks.
TPF: What happened when you regained consciousness?
HS: When I came to, I soon realized that I was a prisoner in a cold damp cell. I was chained to a wall of stone. Slowly the door to my cell opened. The light hurt my eyes.  I could make out a figure moving toward me. It was a strange hybrid creature and it was smoking a pipe. I trembled with fear. I asked, "Who are you?" "I'm the Wizard", he answered.  His voice sounded hauntingly familiar. "Are you the Wizard of Oz?", I asked. "No, I'm the great and powerful Wizard of White's", he replied. "Where am I?" I asked. "You're in Camp 22", he replied. "You have got to get me out of here!", I pleaded. "I will get you out of here if you promise me that you'll lead "Joe" and the Thursday Night gang back here to save Moe", he said. "I will; I promise I will", I told him. He blew smoke in my face and said, " I have four items for you and you must listen carefully to what I tell you to do with them", he said. He snapped his fingers and a compass appeared in his hand which he handed to me. He then conjured up a golden hockey stick, an emerald puck and a pair of ruby skates. "Put on these skates", he demanded. "Take this hockey stick and puck. When you get outside this prison camp, you are to take out the compass and skate due west. I want you to push the puck in front of you until you come to a giant shimmering goal. You will have but one task left." "What is that Oh great and powerful Wizard?",  I asked. "You must get the puck past the goalie who guards the goal." "But, what if I don't get it past him?", I inquired. "Then you will spend the rest of eternity in this prison cell", he warned. "How do I get outside to carry out this deed?"  "Put on the ruby skates and lace them up", he demanded.  "What about you? Will I see you out there?", I asked. He looked at me, it appeared, with his many eyes and said, "If I don't see you sooner; then I'll see you later". "Now, click your heels together three times and say, "I want to go back to Thursday night", he instructed me. So, I did that and miraculously I found myself on the outside of the barbed wire fence. I looked at the compass and faced west just as one of the guards spotted me and yelled something in Korean. He blew a whistle. I put the puck down on the ground and I began to skate. It was like magic ice that i could not see. I skated west for days on end, always pushing the puck ahead of me. On the third day I spotted a giant shimmering goal, just as the Wizard had described to me. It appeared to be close to one hundred miles away. It stood out like a mountain range. I pushed on throughout the day forgetting about my fatigue as my excitement grew. "What would this goalie be like?", I wondered. The closer I got, the smaller the goal appeared to be. Finally, as I got within several hundred yards of the goal, I took sight of the goaltender. He seemed of average stature in comparison to the goal. Would I shoot or would I deke? Should I shoot high blocker side or low glove side? All these options ran through my head as I got ever closer. I was now only about eight feet from the goal and I could see the goalie's face. It was Louie Chabot! Suddenly, I decided what I should do. Shoot it FIVE HOLE! I came right in and fired the emerald puck at Louie's five hole, BUT,  I partially fanned on the shot and the Frenchman kicked out his leg before the puck could reach him. He slid out and crashed into me and I flew up and over him and the puck slid slowly across the line just inches ahead of me. A great red light filled the sky as my head hit the goal post and knocked me unconscious. As I regained consciousness, I could feel the wind and hear the sound of a helicopter roaring above me. The helicopter kicked up a cloud of dust as it approached the ground. Out jumped some brown men dressed in military uniforms. They rushed to me. They were speaking some foreign language. I was too weak to move. They picked me up and helped me into the helicopter and we took off. I was given an i.v. and all sorts of medical attention. They took me to a hospital in Calcutta. I rested in the hospital for a few days. I told all the nurses and doctors about my experience. A few days later, my brother Joe arrived at the hospital. The doctor told Joe that I had lost my mind, but Joe knew better. I told Joe that all he had to do was head due east from where the helicopter picked me up and he would come to Camp 22. So, we went back to Concord where Joe put the team together. They freed Moe and now everything is good again.
TPF: What about Moe's brother Mark?
HS: We never did see or hear from him. It's a shame. After all he went through with the White Pond Duo trial. You would have thought he would have had a better fate than this. It's strange though; Sometimes I think that sooner or later I just might see him again.

The Pucking Files is  happy to report that "Hipshake" is making great progress with his post-traumatic stress treatment. Doctors believe he will make at least a 70% recovery which is good enough to pass the NAHL stress test.  The season opener between Magenta and Chrome will be carried live from Seoul, South Korea via satellite on October 9th on the NBC Sports Network. Check your local listings.

The Hipshake Interview

The rescue of Moe Rudz from a North Korean prison may go down in history as one of the greatest dramas of the twenty first century. It couldn't  have happened without the efforts of Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly. The Pucking Files sat down with "Hipshake" to get his story firsthand. This is Part 1 of his interview. Let us warn you; this interview may not be suitable for young readers or pregnant women.
TPF: Did you ever doubt that it would be possible to save Moe Rudz?
HS: I never doubted for even one fraction of a millisecond that we could bring Moe back alive. If you know the guys from Thursday Night Hockey like I do, you too would have no doubts.
TPF: Why do you think that you were chosen along with Mark Rudz to lead off this rescue attempt?
HS: My brother "Joe" had faith in us. He knew we went through a lot with the White Park Pond trial. We never broke under the strain of the interrogation and the trial. We didn't crack and that was why he knew that if we were caught by the North Koreans, we wouldn't divulge any information that may put the NAHL in harms way.
TPF: What happened on that night in July when you and Mark went out Gangnam style with the two young ladies who turned out to be North Korean spys Poon and Tang?
HS: It all started out pretty harmless. We decided to unwind by taking in a show in Seoul that featured hip hop sensation Psy. We met who we thought were two cute Jagermeister girls. They offered us some Jagerbombs. After a half  dozen Jagerbombs and some break dancing, we ended up back at the Seoul Hyatt with Poon and Tang, a Hungarian sword swallower, two midget clowns and a woman that trained poodles to jump through hoops. It was crazy.  The next thing I knew, my alarm was going off at 4 a.m. and I was on the bed next to a dead emu with a guitar string wrapped around it's neck and Mark was passed out on the bathroom floor. Someone had drawn Korean calligraphy on his forehead and chest with a magic marker. It was weird shit.
TPF: What happened that led to your plane crash?
HS: After downing a pot of Sanka along with some Little Debbie Cakes, we headed to the airport. The Knat was all fueled and ready for us to take off.  Mark was behind the wheel and I was charting the course.  We were in the air for about seven hours; deep into North Korean territory. I had just swallowed a handful of  pain pills which I washed down with some Russian vodka.  I was getting ready to take the wheel. Suddenly we heard a loud boom and smoke began pouring from the back of the plane into the cockpit. I grabbed the fire extinguisher  and began spraying the fire that was raging out of control. Mark started yelling that we were losing altitude and that the plane wasn't responding to his controls. We realized that The Knat was going down and our only option was to bail out. I looked around and began grabbing whatever essentials I could; like a parachute, the vodka, pop tarts, duct tape and that sort of stuff. Mark did the same. He put on the other parachute and grabbed the Jagermiester and the CheezWiz. By now the cockpit was so full of smoke that we blindly reached for whatever else we could get our hands on. Finally, Mark kicked the plane's door open and he said something that I'll never forget. He said, "If I don't see you sooner, then I'll see you later" and then he jumped out of the plane. I tried to go to the back of the plane and look for the copy of "Cat Fancy" magazine and some toilet paper , but the smoke was too thick and so I knew it was time to go. I sent a text to Joe and then I bailed out into a patch of clouds. After several minutes I caught sight of the ground below. I pulled open my parachute. I looked around, but I never saw Mark. I began to focus on the ground below and realized that I was headed into a forest of trees. I heard the roar of the engine and the plane crashing through the trees. My parachute got hung up on a tree and I was left there dangling through the night. Luckily I was able to get to the vodka.
TPF: How did you get down?
HS: The limb eventually snapped and I fell to the ground.
TPF: What did you do next?
HS: I began looking for Mark. I had yelled for him all night, but I never heard a response. I feared that he might be dead or that he might've finished all the Jagermeister and CheezWiz. I never saw any signs of him though.  It was pretty cold so I built a fire and ate a Pop Tart.
TPF: Did you have a map?
HS: Yes I did, but, it was a map of Cape Cod.
TPF: What did you do next?
HS: I went to look for the Knat to see what I could salvage from it. After searching all morning, I came across the wreckage. It was pretty mangled and burned on the inside. I found a few things that were salvageable that might come in handy.
TPF: Like what?
HS: A screw driver, a bottle of  Aquavellva after-shave, some dental floss, a package of marshmallows,  a pair of knee braces, a bottle of Pepto Bismol and a pack of condoms. Suddenly I was feeling a lot better about my chances.
TPF: Did you believe that you would get out of the predicament that you were in?
HS: For a long time I believed that I'd get through it and that "Joe" and the Thursday Night gang would eventually find me. I  headed west each day toward the Chinese border which I thought would be my quickest route out of North Korea. I was eating crickets, frog legs, ants, roots, berrys and tree bark during the day and  toasting marshmallows by the campfire at night.
TPF: What about water? What did you drink?
HS: I drank out of streams, brooks and ponds. I took a swig of vodka each night. After the first week, I ran out of vodka so I started mixing the Pepto Bismol  with Aquavellva. It didn't taste all that great, but it had a nice buzz. Eventually I ran out of that too and that's when things started to get weird.

The NAHL to Open Season in Seoul

Pep rally for NAHL in Seoul

 Moe Rudz and his rescuers have spent the better part of the week chillin "Gangnam Style" in Seoul, South Korea after the dramatic rescue of the eccentric billionaire in North Korea. More details of the events are beginning to surface and sadly it has been learned that one NAHL player was killed during the battle at Camp 22. Justin Case, a role player for team Mauve died yesterday in a Seoul hospital from multiple injuries he sustained during the battle at Camp 22. He was thirty one years old and he leaves behind a wife and two girlfriends. "He was small, but slow", said Mauve coach Milt A. Shellacin.  His teammates will wear Case's number 87 on their sleeve to honor their fallen teammate. One other player is missing and three others were wounded during the raid. Former Green winger Dave Masineck is missing (again). It was rumored that he was to come out of retirement to make a comeback this season. Greg"Moose" Moffet of team Blue was treated for hearing loss as a result of "friendly fire" during the skirmish. Dan "Too Late" Early of Team Green had to have his lungs pumped after swimming from Rye to North Korea because he missed the flight. Brian "Tilly" Tillotson sustained a shrapnel wound to his buttocks after a grenade accidently detonated in his pocket. All three are expected to make their season opener on October 10th at The Doug.  Moe Rudz waisted no time in getting back to work after his ordeal in North Korea. While convalescing in Seoul, Moe struck up a deal with the South Korean government to have the NAHL open it's season in Seoul on October 9th. The game will feature teams Chrome and Magenta. The event is expected to expand the fan base of the NAHL to the Asian markets. In exchange, South Korea will be sending a women's team to play in the 2014 Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships in Concord, NH. "It's a wonderful opportunity to showcase the greatest league in the world", said Moe from his hospital bed where he is still being treated for malnutrition and halitosis.

Poon Soon Sang between the pipes

The Asian Social Sentinal (ASS) reported that North Korean spy Poon Soon Sang was captured and is being interrogated in Seoul. Poon and Tang Sang Song are accused of planting the bombs that brought down Asiana Flight 214 and The Knat which carried Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly and Mark Rudz. Farrelly was found nearly two months later near the Mongolian border by the Indian Military, but, Mark Rudz is still missing and presumed dead. Things have gone from bad to worse for Kim Jong Un. He has cancelled his wedding to Dennis "The Worm" Rodman after the raid on Camp 22 saw his troops go down in defeat at the hands of Thursday Night hockey league, and now, a key component to his country's security has been captured. Not only that; Poon Soon Sang is often thought of as North Korea's greatest ice hockey goalie. Her nickname is "Chee Na Twat" which translates to Small Five Hole. The Pentagon is hoping to acquire key information on North Korea from Poon and perhaps even locate her accomplice Tang Sang Song.
Don't forget to look for "The Hipshake Interview" coming up later this month on The Pucking Files.

Daring Rescue Frees Moe Rudz!

 If you wondering why so many of the Thursday Night Hockey stars were absent from the Dragon Boat races last saturday, you weren't alone. The answer is perfectly clear today however as news reached the United States that billionaire publisher Moe Rudz was rescued after a dramatic fire fight between North Korean soldiers and Thursday Night hockey players. A stealth raid on Prison Camp 22 was led by Joe "Joe" Farrelly who left the Dragon Boat races suspiciously early as he joined his teammates who were waiting aboard a B-27 aircraft at Manchester Airport. The troops, primarily from teams Blue and Green, parachuted into enemy territory under the cover of darkness. Just before dawn the commandos attacked Camp 22 and after about eight hours of intense fighting, the notorious prison camp fell to the forces of Blue and Green and Moe Rudz was rescued.

Kim Jong Un watches in horror.

NAHL artillary rains down on Camp 22

The news stunned the world as it was reported from Seoul, South Korea today. No one was more shocked than North Korean President Kim Jong Un who was attending his bachelor party just days before he was to wed Dennis "The Worm" Rodman. He watched in awe as his troops surrendered to NAHL forces. The Thursday Night commandos killed a reported fifty troops and took one hundred more prisoner. Several of the Thursday Nighters were injured, but not casualties were reported.

The Worm in his wedding dress

North Korean troops surrender to NAHL

The details of the events are not completely clear at this point, but, The Pucking Files will pass along the information as it becomes available. It has been confirmed; Moe Rudz is safe on South Korean soil today.

Weapons Purchase at Gun Show Raises Eyebrows.

Whenever the Gun Show comes to "The Doug" you can bet that controversy will follow. This year was no exception. A web of intrigue has shrouded this year's Gun Show. Familiar names such as Hassan Bin Sober, Dennis Rodman, John Huntsman, John Kerry, The Farrelly Brothers, The Rudz Brothers and Thursday Night Hockey Players Association have all played prominently in this unfolding drama. There is speculation that it goes much deeper than this. An unnamed source has suggested that even NH Governor Maggie Hassan and President Obama may have a part in all this. Exactly how all these players are involved is unclear at this time, but The Pucking Files have learned that long-time suspected terrorist Hassan Bin Sober who was once married to NH governor Maggie Hassan made a weapons purchase at this year's show that raised more than a few eyebrows. "What raised the red flag here is not the amount of weapons purchased or the type of weapons purchased, but WHO paid for it", said former congressman Chuck "Large Mouth" Bass. Bin Sober purchased thirty military-style assault rifles and five thousand rounds of ammunition along with assorted knives, grenades and stink bombs. The entire purchase was paid for with a check from the Thursday Night Hockey Players Association and was signed by it's president Joe "Joe" Farrelly. What adds to the intrigue is that one week prior to the gun show, the NAHL received a donation of $10,000. from former Utah governor John Huntsman.  Rumors have been circulating that "Operation Moe" is about to make a move to rescue Moe Rudz the eccentric billionaire publisher who is being held in a slave labor camp in the remote mountains of North Korea. Why would the player's union that represents Thursday Night Hockey and the NAHL, one of the most respected organizations in sports, go out on a limb and get involved with a suspected terrorist like Hassan Bin Sober? Here's where it gets REALLY interesting. Hassan Bin Sober has allegedly been cooperating with the U.S.goverment by helping to locate terrorist organizations around the world in order to save himself from jail time. Through his visits to the Pentagon, Bin Sober became acquainted with Governor Huntsman (a former Ambassador to China) as well as Secretary of State John Kerry. Huntsman just happened to attend the gun show at The Doug and he was seen standing just off to one side while  Bin Sober made his purchase. Sources tell us that Huntsman wants Moe Rudz to run his rumored presidential campaign bid. Meanwhile Secretary of State John Kerry has too much on his plate with Syria right now to get involved with North Korea at this time. With the U.S. on the possible brink of war with Syria, the last thing the Pentagon needs is trouble in North Korea. Still the White House wants Moe Rudz returned safely to American soil. So, how is Dennis "The Worm" involved? Rodman is on his way to North Korea for another visit with his "good friend" Kim Jong Un. What better time to plan a surprise raid on the notorious Camp 22 where Moe Rudz is reported to be held.  Last week's recovery of Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly by the Indian military has given new hope to many that Moe Rudz is still alive. Farrelly produced two drawings that were allegedly given to him by a man who claims that he escaped from Camp 22 and that the drawings were made by Moe Rudz. One of the drawings shows Moe Rudz (second from the left) being dragged up a mountain with a noose around  his head by another prisoner as a guard harasses them with a rifle. The other drawing shows Moe being forced to fight another prisoner as entertainment for the guards. Did Moe actually execute these drawings? The one person who could absolutely authenticate the drawings is Moe's brother Mark. The problem is: he hasn't been seen since he and "Hipshake" Farrelly parachuted out of the airplane "The Knat" several months ago. "Hipshake"  told older brother Joe "Joe" Farrelly that he never saw Mark after they bailed out over a remote part of North Korea. Don't miss Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly"s  compelling interview coming up later this month on The Pucking Files. We can only speculate that "Operation Moe" is about to take a new twist. Time will tell and time may be running out for Moe Rudz.

Detainees forced to fight to entertain guards

Hipshake Found Alive!

Hipshake being taken for medical assistance.

Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly has reportedly been found alive yesterday in the Manchurian region of China according to the Asian Social Sentinel  (also known as A.S.S), a watchdog group that reports on human rights abuses on the Asian continent. According to ASS, Farrelly was spotted walking along a mountain ridge in Manchuria by a helicopter unit of the Indian military. He is reported to be in stable condition in a hospital in Calcutta. It was reported that "Hipshake" was suffering from "symptoms of dehydration, malnutrition, hypothermia and alcohol withdrawals". He was found wearing nothing but "a parachute and knee braces". His hair, beard, fingernails and toenails were extremely long and "he seemed to be suffering from dementia", according to one Indian official. He is expected to make "something close" to a full recovery. This is great news for fans of the NAHL. His brother "Joe" is headed to India today to bring "Hipshake" back to the U.S. Still, no news on the Rudz brothers. League officials are hoping that Mike can provide them with some information as to the whereabouts of Moe and Mark Rudz.

Two Timer!

MVP Dunc "Coach" Walsh

Despite the worry on everyone's minds, the NAHL Thursday Night Awards Ceremony went on last night at The Capitol Center for the Arts. The Ceremony had been postponed after it had been learned that Moe Rudz, a long time supporter and champion of causes for the NAHL, had been abducted by North Korean forces while on a panda safari on the Chinese and Korean border. "Moe would have wanted the show to go on", said Andy "BTO" Bachmann. "He loved the Awards Ceremony", said Kenny "Don't Ya Love Em Madley" Bradley. "He'd always drink three or four bottles of champagne and start singing "she'd be comin round the mountain" and we'd have to carry him to his limo after he'd fall off the stage. What a hoot!", added Bradley.

Moe Rudz in happier times

This year's ceremony was also a fundraiser to help aid in the rescue of Moe. It included some memorable performances including a song and dance number which featured fifty female dancers dressed up as North Korean soldiers (see photo). The event raised over a million dollars. Half of the earnings will go to their annual cause "Hockey Fights  Obesity" and the other half will go to "Operation Moe" which is the rescue mission dedicated to bringing Moe Rudz back to the United States. In the end however, it was the award presentation which brought the loudest applause of the night when it was announced that the winner of "The Vic" as league MVP went to Dunc "Coach" Walsh. He is the first and only player to win the award twice.  On hand to congratulate Walsh was last years MVP Phil "Commish" Stuart. "He deserves it. His commitment to excellence is unsurpassed. He came to training camp last year in top form. His focus all season was unquestioned. He led by example. He kept quiet. He never complained. He let his play do the talking. His teammates fed off of that and that is why they went to the finals", said the Commish. The other award winners were as follows:
"The Leebo" Most Points: Jim "Heathy" Heath.  "The Swoop" Most Goals: Clint "Eastwood" Casavaugh.  "The Pike" Most Assists: George "Dumpin" Chase.  "The Hugger" Best Defenseman: Dan "Too Late" Early.   "The Stuffy" Best Goalie: Kenny "Rebel Without a Rebound" Dean.  "The Dunnie" Best Plus/Minus: Chris "Brownie" Brown. "The Garbo" Rookie of the Year: John "Bigfoot" Reagan.  "The Lady Bung" Most Sportsmanlike: Tom "Philby" Philbrick. "The Bud" Coach of the Year: John "Stuffy" Stevenson.  "The Pie" Comeback Player of the Year: Tom "Painch" Painchaud.
"The Murph" 7th Player: Joe "Joe" Farrelly.   "The Tatahead" 8th Player: Dave "Tilly" Tillotson.
"The Larry Flynt" Hustler: Gregg Moffett.   "The Phonzie" Black Ice MVP: Tom "Berg" Bourgault.
"The Hazy" Most Improved: Dave "Motor" Carlson.  "The Goofy" Best Brothers: Jim "The Big Cum" and Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford.  "The Red Onion" Best Referee: Billy "Hawkeye" MacDougal.  "The Dick Pinch" Fun in the Shower: Todd "Philby" Philbrick

Asiana Flight 214 Linked to The Knat

Flight 214

The CIA has confirmed that the crash of flight 214 just days after the crash of "The Knat" was no coincidence. Both planes left from Seoul, South Korea and both pilots had spent the night before with the now confirmed North Korean agents Poon Soon Sang and Tang Sang Song. A photo shows the two terrorist posing as stewardesses with a pilot from Asiana Airlines identified as Lee Kang, the pilot of flight 214. Lee admitted that he had been drinking Jagermiester with the two women who told him that they were new stewardesses who had just begun working for the airline. It is reported that one of them asked Lee to bring a package to her grandmother who lived in San Francisco. Lee admits that he agreed to do so. Locating that package may be a key piece of evidence. South Korean agent Fung Yoo told CIA officials that these were the same two women that spent the evening of July 2nd with Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly and Mark Rudz just hours prior to their take off from Seoul. Their airplane, The Knat, experienced engine failure and the two reportedly parachuted out into a remote region of North Korea. No contact has been made with the two since their may-day call to "Joe" Farrelly. The CIA sent a reconnaissance plane to the region and were successful at locating the wreckage of The Knat (see photo), but they were unable to locate "The White Pond Duo" as bad weather moved in to the area and the search had to be aborted.

Poon Soon Sang & Tang Sang Song with pilot Lee

Agent Fung Yoo said that Poon & Tang were always one step ahead of him. "They are extremely slippery", said Fung. "They are very cunning linguists. They speak seven different languages. This is what makes them so difficult too nail." When asked why the two would target flight 214, Fung said, "They had somehow managed to obtain top secret information that another South Korean agent named Sum Phat Peeg was on board that flight. He was on his way to the U.S to meet with Joe "Joe" Farrelly about the rescue of Moe Rudz who is allegedly being held in Camp 22 in a remote section of North Korea". Peeg is in critical condition and in a coma. His injuries are extensive and life threatening. "Obviously things have now gotten extremely complicated for our rescue attempt of Moe Rudz",  Farrelly told The Pucking Files. "I'm concerned that the North Koreans are on to us and any new people involved may be in danger of an ambush. I know there are some guys who want to get Poon & Tang, but we need to let cool heads prevail. Phase two of our rescue is now on hold until we can be sure that no more guys from Thursday Night are going to end up as statistics.

Wreckage of The Knat

Seoul Survivors

White Pond Duo gone Gangnam Style in Seoul

Jagermiester Girls Poon and Tang

The rescue attempt  to free entrepreneur  Moe Rudz from a North Korean prison is now in question with news that two members from  "Operation Moe" are now listed as "missing" after their airplane known simply as "The Knat" has gone down in  a remote area in North Korea. The Knat was being flown by Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly, the younger brother of Joe "Joe" Farrelly who heads up "Operation Moe" and Mark Rudz, the younger brother of Moe Rudz, the eccentric billionaire publisher and adventurer who's very life they are trying to save. The Knat had successfully located the hidden prison camp in the mountains of North Korea where it is believed that Moe is being detained. The two then proceeded to Seoul, South Korea for refueling as well as meeting with South Korean agent Fung Yoo who was to provide them with more detailed information about the prison called  "Camp 22".  Farrelly and Rudz were reported to have enjoyed the evening reveling in the Seoul nightlife. They went clubbing and danced "Gangnam Style" to the music of hip hop sensation "Psy". A report said that "the two drank numerous Jager bombs with their escorts Tang Sang Song and Poon Soon Sang before heading back to their airplane just before dawn. South Korean officials at the airbase reported that "The Knat took off successfully at 5:22 am  on July 3rd under good weather conditions".  Joe "Joe" Farrelly received a text just before midnight eastern standard time from brother Mike saying that they were "experiencing an engine malfunction" and that the Knat was "losing altitude" and that they were planning on "bailing out" over an "extremely remote wooded area in the mountains". That is the last communication that Joe Farrelly has received from the crew of The Knat. "At this point, I would have to say that I am very concerned", said a sullen Farrelly. "These guys are parachuting into an unknown enemy region. I don't know how much supplies they were able to take with them. They do not speak the language and they are probably very hungover. The only good news we can take from all this is that they were able to send us the coordinates to locate "Camp 22" where we believe Moe is being held. We just  have to hope for the best and proceed forward knowing that these guys are survivors. You don't count out the "White Pond Duo". You can't!" When asked about what he meant by "proceed forward", Farrelly said, "We are about to shift to phase two of the mission. Our goal is to free Moe Rudz and that has to be our focus."
The Pucking Files will keep you posted of any further developments as we receive them.