NAHL 2012: The Year That Almost Wasn't

It was a year like no other and one that many thought would see the end of the world. Year 2012 marked the 130th anniversary of the NAHL. It all started way back in 1882 as the first unorganized hockey game in the United States. 2012 started out with a global warming scare that made many wonder if The Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships would even make it to year two. After a call to the Pope from Chris Brown, the Pontiff cut a deal with God who sent a text to Mother Nature asking for just a little cold weather. The favor was granted and the 1883 Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships became a success. Again the NAHL was well represented at the tournament. There were new champions crowned in the + 35 division and the +50 division. The Budmen dethroned Capital City in the 35 A division and The Turkey Pond Flyers ousted The White Park Hockey Club in the +50 division. Repeat offenders were Jack Edward's Teeth in the Open division and The Newts in the Ladies Who Love Ladies division.
Following Black Ice came the NAHL playoffs
which to no one's surprise pitted the two greatest
teams in league history. Green and Blue made to
the finals by beating Mauve and Rust in the semis.
As to be expected, the finals went all seven games, but no one expected that it would take a game eight in september to decide the winner. Game 7 ended in a tie as the city began shutting down the refrigeration system to get ready for the Cat Show. It was a long summer waiting to find out who would be crowned king of the NAHL. Summer brought the much anticipated Dragon Boat Races to the Merrimack River. The event was cancelled by the city when one of the participants was swallowed by a giant catfish during practice. Rich Rosatto fell overboard and was swallowed alive by the leviathan. Moe Rudz offered a large reward for anyone who could return Rosatto's jersey to the league. The reward was earned by Tom "Bergs" Bergault who not only retrieved the jersey, but he also returned Rosatto unharmed. Bergs donated the money to Hockey Fights Obesity. In September the much-anticipated Game 8 took place. The game turned out to surpass the hype that dogged it all summer long. Andy "Gump" Doherty won the MVP of the series after he stopped two penalty shots in the third period. Tom "Philby" Philbrick added an empty netter to seal the deal for team Blue who skated away with a 5-3 win.
The NAHL awards ceremony highlight was when "The Vic" (2012 MVP) Award was given to "The Commish", Phil Stuart. After an incredible season that saw him rack up four goals and five assists in a mere twenty two games. He also finished a minus one for the year. This year brought us five new inductees into the prestigious Legends of Thursday Night Hall of Fame. Vic Stanfield, Steve "Po" Potozak, Tom "TC" Carroll, Dave "JP" Palisi and Tom "Bergs" Bergault joined the ranks of the Immortals.
All said and done, 2012 was the year that goes into the record books as one of the strangest in the league's storied history.

East Dominates NAHL All Star Game

The winter blast of snow did not deter fans of the NAHL from attending this year's All Star game that pitted the stars of the Eastern Conference versus the stars of the West.  The game featured sixteen players from each division, all of whom were selected from fan voting. It was not without some controversy however.  Some names that were left off the list raised a few eyebrows including league leading scorer Tom "Shemp" Champagne. There was also some grumbling about "too many players from  Blue and Green". Of the sixteen players selected for the East squad only two were not from Blue or Green. James Van Riemsdyke of Yellow and Matt Niskanen of Mauve. The rest of the team consisted of players from the two most popular teams in the league. Goaltenders Any "Gump" Doherty and Kenny "Don't Ya Love Em Madly" Bradley. Defenseman Joe "Joe" Farrelly, Jeff "Hurricane" Cain, Jack "Jackhammer" Fraiser,  John "Big Foot" Reagan along with forwards Andy "BTO" Bachmann, Tom "TC" Carroll,  Phil "Commish" Stuart,  Phillipe "La Missle" Lacasse, Dan "Lucky" Luker, Dan "Too Late" Early, Mark "Not My Brother" Rudz and Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford. Bradley started the game and Doherty came in at the mid point of the game. They allowed only one goal while their teammates scored fifteen goals on their way to an easy 15-1 win. The West squad coached by Dunc "Coach" Walsh was searching for answers all night and couldn't find any. The only goal scored for the West squad was scored by Teemu Salami of Chrome. "There is no doubt that most of the talent is in East", said Gary "Toe" Blake who coached the East team. "It was a great night for hockey fans and for the great cause, Hockey Fights Obesity".
The money raised by last night's game goes mainly to "HFO" ,but some of the money is used to cover league fees which is a growing problem in the NAHL. "We used to think that was just a problem in the CCHL , but now it has infected the NAHL too", said Joe "Joe" Farrelly , the president of the Players Association. The following list is for The Hall of Shame. They are players who are driving this country off the fiscal cliff. They all drive fancy cars and have vacation  homes in the Carribbean.  Some even have gold teeth.
Hall of Shame
D. Tilly (2 years), T.Philby, 2 Late Early, J. Heathy, M.Rudz, TC Carroll, Big Cum Cummy, Hurricane Caino, BTO Bachmann and Bergs Bergault.
One way the league is trying to off set the deficit is through jersey sales. Blue, Green, Mauve and Chrome jerseys are the leading jersey sale items. The number one player jersey sold in 2012 is the Blue #69 Jack "Jackhammer" Fraiser jersey. It has sold more than Lebron James and Peyton Manning combined.  "The Jackhammer has always been a fan favorite", says Paul "Pop" Gozawiezle, the president of the NAHL. "No one can really explain it, but the numbers don't lie."
Don't forget to check out this monday's installment of The Pucking Files "Year in Review, A Look Back on 2012".

CCHL Week 12 Recap

You'd better watch out. You'd better not cry. Cause there's no crying in hockey. Even if your on Cimo's.  Last monday night, last place Cimo's faced off against first place Buffalo Wild Wings. Cimo's was still without captain Mick Mounsey who has an unspecified lower body injury somewhere in the upper middle part of the lower left side, but more towards the right side of the upper part of the lower half of the middle two thirds. The last time these two teams met, it was Cimo's snatching their first and only victory of the season. This time there was no magic. Clint "The Edge" Edinger recorded a hat trick while Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse, Shayne "In The Membrane" LeBreton and Kevin "Karate Kid" Karales each had multiple goal nights for B2W.  Nate "Rain Man" Raimo and Tom "Badger" Carroll each had a pair of goals for Cimo's in the losing effort.
On tuesday, fans at the Doug (including Santa) were  treated to an exciting game between The Windmill and Cheers. It was a defensive battle  from beginning to end. It was 3-2 Cheers with ten minutes to go when The Windmill knotted the score. However, on the ensuing faceoff, Cheers won the draw and an odd-man rush led to the game winning goal being scored by Tim "The Timinator" Walsh, the captain and spiritual leader of Cheers. "The Cockroach" Corey Laroche added an empty netter to seal the deal. It was his second goal of the evening.

CCHL Standings
1. B2W
2. Windmill
3. Cheers
4. Cimo's

Goal Scoring Leaders
1. Edinger
2. Acres
3. Caron
4. Carroll
5. Laroche
6. Robert
7. Walsh
8. Banga
9. Arsenault
10. Karales

The End of the World (as We Know It)

Last evening marked the end of hockey at "The Doug" just as the Mayans had predicted. Both teams knelt together at center ice in prayer. "Knowing that this would be the last game ever played at The Doug was inspiring to many of us", said Brain "Tilly" Tillotson. "A lot of guys weren't able to cope though. Several were heavily medicated", he added. "We just wanted to leave the solar system knowing that we gave it our all", said Dunc "Coach" Walsh.  "We wanted our fans to have something positive to think about in the afterlife", said a teary eyed Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford.  "I just hope that I can get The Pucking Files at the space station on Mars", said Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly .  "There's a space station on Mars?", asked a bewildered Any "Gump" Doherty.  "Yes there is", answered Joe "Joe" Farrelly. " Moe had it built so we could keep playing Thursday Night Hockey", he added. "But, the NEW GUYS are NOT invited", added Dunc Walsh.  " There isn't enough room on Moe's space ship to take everyone there, so we voted the new guys off". All of this is moot as of this morning when players woke up and discovered that the earth was still here. "WHAT THE HELL!" , screamed "Coach" Walsh this morning upon finding out that the world was still here. "I backchecked  a few times last night, for what? What a waist of energy THAT turned out to be. That's the last time I'll ever do that", he griped. He barely had time to sip his coffee when the phone rang. It was Jim "Heathy" Heath who called to deliver the unexpected news. "The Mayan's were right Dunc", Heathy told Walsh. " The entire world didn't come to an end, but hockey at The Doug did". "What are you talking about?",  asked a puzzled Walsh. " The mayor and other city officials have decided that events like the Cat Show, The Gun Show, The Model Train Show, ect, ect, would be a better suited for the Capitol City and so, the ice will be coming out on January 1rst in order to get ready for the Stamp Collectors Show."
On the other end of the phone there was complete silence. That is the way it is around the hockey world this morning. "People are in complete shock", said Jeff " Hurricane" Cain. "I could deal with the entire world coming to an end, but not hockey at The Doug", said Tom "Philby" Philbrick upon receiving the news. Then it hit him, "We could play at my rink!", exclaimed Philby.  He immediately called NAHL president Paul "Pop" Gozawiezle and proposed the offer. "He was elated", Philby told the Pucking Files. "It's a done deal pretty much. Starting the first week in january all Thursday Night games in the NAHL will be played at my backyard rink".  Moe Rudz has even pledged three million dollars to put a retractable roof over it and have Philby's house removed in order to make room for more seating. When asked where Philby and his family would live, he told the Pucking Files, "We'll live in the locker room. It's going to be really nice because Moe promised it would be. Moe would never say anything if it wasn't true. I'm going to even have my neighbor John come for sleep-overs sometimes".
Well, there you have it. It's the end of the world as we knew it.  There will be a slight adjustment period, but, all and all, it will probably end up being a good thing.  None of this news should take away from the spotlight of the game that was played last night at The Doug.
        It was "Legends Night" last night at The Doug. Five new inductees were inducted into the Legends of Thursday Night Hockey Hall of Fame.  The ceremony followed the featured game between rivals Blue and Green.  Inducted last night were Vic Stanfield, who was in Germany being honored yet one more time. His brother Fred accepted the award on his behalf.  Tom "Berg" Bergault added the award to his impressive collection of trophys including "The Dick Pinch Award".  Dave "JP" Palisi  admitted, "I wasn't prepared for this. I had no idea. I am speechless."  Apparently Dave doesn't read the Pucking Files. Also inducted last night was Tom "TC" Carroll  who called the award "the crowning achievement of my career". A career that includes a NCAA National Championship as well as "The Swoop" award for NAHL goal scoring champion in 2011. Missing from the ceremony was the first referee to be inducted, Steve "Po" Potozak.  Potozak was amongst the group of referees kidnapped last week by the terrorist oraganization "Free Throw Liberation". "Apparently, the terrorist forgot about "Po", said Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse who was part of the referees for cash exchange. "He had to use the bathroom when we were being packed into the van. Everyone was so excited that we completely forgot that "Po" wasn't in the van. You know when you're forgetting something, but you can't think of what it is?". League officials are looking into the matter today. Last night marked the return of the referees whose absence was felt in last thursday's game. Last night however, the referee was there but, the goalies were not. No goalies were there until midway into the second period when Kenny "Don't Ya Love Madly" Bradly showed up for team Green. Team Green ran away with the game 14 -5.  Andy "Gump" Doherty showed up with one minute left on the clock. He made a save just as time was about to expire.  "I thought the world was supposed to end, so I did a little partying and lost track of the time", he told his coach John "Stuffy" Stevenson. "He also lost track of the puck", Stevenson quipped. That is all past history now.  It was a special night at The Doug to say the least.  Moe Rudz and the staff at The Pucking Files would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and we look forward to seeing everyone at Philby's in 2013!

Ransom Paid in Exchange for Returned Referees

                                        How can anyone cut Tracy Morgan from their team?
Now, our top story:
   Billionaire publisher Moe Rudz took matters into his own hands and reached deep into his deep pockets to pay a ransom that had been demanded from a terrorist organization calling themselves "Free Throw Liberation".  Their mission is to "wipe hockey off the face of the earth". "FTL" claimed in their manifesto that " We have no tolerance for hockey as a sport or a way of life in North America, Europe or the Middle East.  Any form of hockey is unacceptable. Anyone who engages in playing, coaching, watching or even thinking about hockey is an infidel and will be targeted by the FTL".  This radical group is behind the abduction of NAHL referees last week. League officials took a stance and said that they would not negotiate with terrorist and so it looked like the NAHL may end up being without on- ice officials for the remainder of the season. One man who has seen enough took it upon himself to get the referees back on Doug ice.  "Haven't hockey fans gone through enough already? Wasn't it enough that the Nathanial Hawthorne College hockey program collapsed back in the late 70's? Now, the NHL has gone on strike once AGAIN!  I'm going to meet the demands of these terrorists and pay the ransom and get the NAHL back on track  in order to give hockey fans a reason to get up each day",  he told The Pucking Files*. "This is my Christmas present to hockey fans around the world. Besides, it looks like I will have to pay a lot more in taxes in 2013, so, I might as well spend it." The referees were dropped off behind the Doug at the wee hours of the morning. They were unharmed although they were given food, water and an eye chart test. Being blind-folded for five days was no problem for them.  Moe also said that he would  offer a large pay-off to Donald Fehr, Gary Bettman and Jack Edwards if they would stay away from hockey altogether.  We can only hope that they take the offer.
*Moe Rudz owns The Pucking Files Publishing Corporation as well as Pucking Files Films.

Off Sides!

Have you seen this man? Call Crime Stoppers!

Conspiracy theorist may have a field day with the mess that surrounded the NAHL last night at "The Doug". On what was supposed to be the first induction ceremony of a referee into the Legends of Thursday Night Hall of Fame, everything that could go wrong, went wrong. No explanation has yet been brought forth and the league is on pins and needles. Concord Police were called to the scene on River Rd.  just before midnight. A "suspicious" car was found parked on the side of the road in a remote part of town. The keys were still in the vehicle and there were signs of a struggle. The police ran a license plate check and found the vehicle belonged to former NAHL referee Steve "Po" Potozak. At 2 a.m. this morning the police received a phone call from a hysterical Mrs. Tom "Duster" Dustin claiming that he never came home after work and she had not heard from  him since thursday morning when he left for work. Mr. Dustin was also a former NAHL referee. Last night's game at the Doug featuring teams Blue and Green had a delayed  start time because referee Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse was a "no show". League officials tried in vain to reach Mr. Lacasse by phone.  League President Paul "Pop" Gozawiezle turned to back-up referee Bill "Hawkeye" MacDougal who was supposed to be "on call" as the replacement. Mr. MacDougal did not answer his phone which is "unlike him".  In a desperate attempt to play the game, the league brought in scab referee Seymour N. Fractions, a former NHL, AHL, WHA and CCHL referee who now works as an optometrist. "We were desperate" , said Gozawiezle.  Fractions arrived at "The Doug" and went to the referee's room to put on his skates. "That was last we saw of him", said Gary "Toe" Blake, the coach of Green. When league officials entered the room to see what was taking Fractions so long they were stunned to find no one there. Police were called in to investigate. "There was definitely signs of a struggle", said Chief O'Hara.  At aproximately 3:35 a.m. this morning a police officer reported seeing "Hawkeye" MacDougal's car parked alongside the Gilmore St. mosque. The officer knocked on the door of the mosque. After a few minutes, the door was answered by a man that said his name was Hassan Bin Sober.  Mr. Bin Sober told police that he had no idea who the car belonged to and he claimed to have no knowledge of a car even being parked there at all. When asked if he could enter the premises, it is alleged by Officer Phife that Mr. Bin Sober refused to allow the officer  entrance without a search warrant. At 5:20 a.m. Concord PD returned with a search warrant and after searching the mosque the chief investigator deemed that, "there is enough circumstantial evidence to bring Mr. Bin Sober to the station for questioning".  Bin Sober contacted his attorney at the Moffett, Luker and McCloughlin Law Firm.  A spokesperson for the firm said, "Our client is being unfairly held without any hard evidence". "We have no other comment at this time". The Pucking Files will release any other information as they get it. In the meantime; The important game did take place last night without a referee. Blue defeated Green overwhelmingly in thanks to superb goaltending by back up Zach "The Goal Geisha" Gersha.   Green's Andy "Gump" Doherty made 65 saves after two periods, but it wasn't enough to stop the Blue wave led by Dan "Too Late" Early who scored two goals on one shift. He assisted on another on that same shift. "That shift turned the tide in Blue's favor", said Chris "Brownie" Brown who  played on the line with Early and Andy "BTO" Bachman. "You can't stop those guys, you can only hope to contain them", said Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford who had a pair of goals for Green. League leading scorer Tom "Shemp" Champagne who played on a line with Commerford also lit the lamp twice to pad his point total. It was rumored that Tom "Berg" Bergault had a bunch of points. In the end, it was one of the strangest games in NAHL history.  The whereabouts of the missing referees remains unknown. Stay tuned!

Green Acres is the Place to Be in Week 11

Week 11 of the CCHL finds no change in the standings, but thanks to a seven goal performance by Chris "Green" Acres, the goal scoring race has a new leader.  Cheers took on Cimo's who was without it's captain Mick Mounsey who has a reported "lower body injury" although an inside source told us that he was home watching the Barbara Walter's special "The Most Interesting People of 2012". Even with Tom "Badger" Carroll and Nate "No Problemo" Raimo each registering hat tricks, Cimo's still appeared lost without it's captain and spiritual leader. There was just too much "acreage" between Cheers and Cimo's thanks to Acre's seven goal outburst. His performance propelled him into the CCHL goal scoring lead.  Chris "Doctor" Robert added four goals and Tim "The Timinator" Walsh had three goals as Cheers dropped 17 on Cimo's who managed 8.
       Kevin "Karate Kid" Kareles and Clint "The Edge" Edinger each scored hat tricks to lead B2W to a 7-5 win over The Windmill.  The victory guaranteed Buffalo Wild Wings a playoff spot. "The Mill" got four goals from "super sub" Ryan Williamson who was called up to replace Gavin "You Betcha" Faretra. The coaching staff was so impressed with the youngster's play that there is talk of moving "You Betcha" Faretra before the trade deadline. One team reported to have interest is Cimo's, who is looking for someone to take some pressure off Tom "Badger" Carroll, who has been double teamed all season long. The Pucking Files will be following this story closely.

CCHL Standings
1. B2W             9-1
2. Windmill       6-4
3. Cheers           5-6
4. Cimo's           1-10

Goal Scoring Leaders
1. Acres         23
2. Caron        22
3. Edinger      22
4. Carroll       20
5. Laroche     19
5. Robert       19
7. Walsh        16
8. Banga        15
8. Arsenault   15
10. Faretra     13

* Tickets for tonight's  Legends of Thursday Night Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony are sold out.

24/8 The Road to Thursday Night

Coming in 2013!  Go behind the scenes of the greatest rivalry in sports; The NAHL's Blue vs. Green.

Legendary!

This week both Blue and Green travelled to the west coast to play  their annual  game against a Western Conference opponent. Because of the late start (Pacific Time) we are unable to bring you the scores. Blue takes on Chrome while Green faces off against Rust. Next week however, Green will take on Blue at the Doug on "Legends Night".  Following the game this year's new inductees will be inducted into the Legends of Thursday Night Hall of Fame. They will join previous Legends Joe "Joe" Farrelly, Greg "Hernia" Fournier, Dave "Tilly" Tillotson, George "Dumpin" Chase and Kurt "Kaiser" Gillies.  New inductee Vic Stanfield will join Gillies as the only two players to be inducted in both the Legends of Thursday Night Hall as well as the German Hockey Hall of Fame. Both players are fluent in german slang, have been shut off at Octoberfest and have been featured on the cover of Blitzkrieg Magazine (which is the German equivalent to GQ).  Steve "Po" Potozak will be the first member to enter the Hall in the referee and officials category.  He will be remembered for awarding a  penalty shot  to Chris McCloughlin  in game 4 of the 2008 playoff finals. McCloughlin scored what turned out to be the winning goal for Blue. Potozak needed a police escort to leave the Doug. A replay of the call proved that "Po" made the right call even though the home town crowd didn't agree. He was a man of principles. He is actually a principle of a school. Go figure. The other three new inductees are current players who will be playing in the game on thursday (provided the coach puts them in the line up).  Tom "Berg" Bergault, Tom "TC" Carroll and Dave "JP" Palisi all learned the game on the ponds and lakes of their hometowns.  By the time they were teenagers they had learned to tie their skates by themselves.  All three came into the NAHL the same year. They came from storied programs such as the University of Wisconsin under legendary coach Badger Bob Johnson and Bishop Brady and their legendary coach Bud Lukern. All three players have made it to the finals every season since entering the league. Carroll and Bergault have also won Hobey Sticks at the Black Ice Pond Hockey Championships and Palisi made it to finals in 2011.  "TC" won "The Swoop" award for most goals in a season.  Dave Palisi won "The Murph" 7th player award and "Berg" won the coveted "Dick Pinch" award for most fun in the shower.  Although they are highly decorated, all three remain humble, god fearing men of modest means.

CCHL: Week 10

Jake Curtain's Desk: The Morning After 

Monday evening in the CCHL saw Cheers fall to first place Buffalo Wild Wings.  Edward "Scissorhands" Caron had the hat trick in the first two minutes of the game.  He finished the game with five goals which propelled him to become the first player this season to reach and surpass the twenty goal mark. Ian "2Bor Not2B" Hamlet added four goals as B2W pulled out a 13 -10 win. For Cheers it was Corey "Cockroach" Laroche  and Chris Robert who registered hat tricks and Corey Cotnoir had a pair. "The Timinator" and "The Edge" were both held goalless for the first time while facing each other in CCHL history according to Ripley's Believe It or Not.  B2W's record now goes to ate and won.
On tuesday night The Doug featured The Windmill versus Cimo's. Despite all the hype, Cimo's winning streak has FINALLY come to an end. Gavin "You Betcha" Faretra  and Chris Doherty each scored twice for The Mill.  However, it was the 62 year old veteran defenseman Steve Arndt who was the first star of the game. He frustrated the Cimo's attack all game long and made a case for bringing back the wooden stick. Cimo's player's frustration resulted in six broken composite sticks (see photo) which is a CCHL record according to Ripley's Believe It or Not.
CCHL Goal Scoring
1. Caron     22
2. Edinger  19
3. Laroche  18
4. Carroll    17
5. Acres      16
Standings
1. BWW        8-1
2. Windmill   6-3
3. Cheers       4-6
4. Cimo's       1-9  

Blue Stymied

Team Green played a solid defensive game and capitalized on mistakes made by a frustrated Blue squad to earn a 7-4 victory at The Doug. Green played a complete game in all three zones and Blue was left scratching their heads. Despite getting excellent goaltending from Kenny "Don't Ya Love Em Madly" Bradley who turned away sixty five shots, Blue couldn't come up with an answer for the Green game plan. "If it wasn't for Bradley the score could have been a lot more one sided", said Jack "The Jackhammer" Fraiser who was overwhelmed by the Green forecheck all night. On the other end however, the Green defensive pairings were flawless. Ryan "Silky" Brandt and Brian "Tilly" Tillotson along with Jim "Heathy" Heath and John "Bigfoot" Reagan stymied the Blue attack for much of the evening and when Blue did get scoring opportunities Andy "Gump" Doherty was there to save the day. Blue called for a measurement of Doherty's catching mitt, but referee Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse would have no such measurement.
Andy "BTO" Bachmann opened the scoring on the first shift and later added another. Jim "Heathy" Heath put the final nail in the Blue coffin when he jumped up into the play and wristed one past Bradley. Any "Gump" Doherty made the save of the game on Dave "Tilly" Tillotson who looked to have Gump down and out. Doherty reached his big mitt out somehow and kept the puck out of the net. "I was still sorta tired from dragging my nine point buck out of the woods, explained Tilly (see photo).

Green is now in sole possession of first place in the eastern conference. In the western conference it is Magenta leading the pack. Yesterday the NAHL announced it's 2012 inductees for the Legends of Thursday Night Hall of Fame. Topping the list of vote getters was Vic Stanfield who hung up the skates three seasons ago to focus his career on color commentary for The Beanpot. In the referee category, the Legends is pleased to welcome in Steve "Po" Potazak also known for his entertaining style as the announcer for Concord Crimson Tide hockey. The three other player selections to round out this year's class are Dave "JP" Palisi, Tom "TC" Carroll and Tom "Berg" Bergault. They will be inducted immediately following the game on December 13th at the Doug. Tickets are $20. at the door or $30 on line at www.thepuckingfiles.blogspot.com. All proceeds will be donated to Hockey Fights Obesity.

Hell Freezes Over!

Some players in the CCHL are old enough to remember Al Michael's most famous Q&A, "Do you believe in miracles?" "Yes!" Thirty two years later people who care about the CCHL are asking the same question and getting the same answer. "The Miracle on Loundon Road" is what they are calling it and it happened on monday night at the Doug. It was a match up like David vs. Goliath. Undefeated Buffalo Wild Wings versus a six man Cimo's squad that hadn't tasted victory yet this season. Biologist say that when a badger is hungry, it will not be denied.

One player who is old enough to remember Michael's famous call is Cimo's own Tom "Badger" Carroll. He scored six goals for Cimo's while teammate Jake "Shady" Curtain added two more to help lead Cimo's into the win column and give B2W it's first loss this season. Cimo's held a 10-5 lead with 5 minutes to play, however, no lead is ever safe in the CCHL. Led by league goal scoring leader Clint "The Edge" Edinger who scored four and Shayne "In The Membrane" LeBreton registering two lamp lighters B2W roared back to make the score 10-9 as time ran out. When asked by reporters if he believed in miracles, "The Badger" answered, "No, not really. I believe in soft hands and bad defenses. Well, I do believe in Santa Claus". Like Old Saint Nick, Carroll delivers presents to Cimo's fans.
On tuesday night it was second place Windmill against third place Cheers. The Mills Travis "Gang Bang" Banga scored four goals but, Cheer's Tim "The Timinator" Walsh had four goals of his own. Windmill's captain Gavin "You Betcha" Faretra moved to defensive in order to try and slow down "The Cockroach", Corey Laroche. The strategy paid off as Laroche was held off the scoresheet. Windmill netminder Mark Crowley made 44 saves to help The Mill defeat Cheers 7-6.
CCHl Standings
1. B2W 7-1-0
2. Windmill 5-3-0
3. Cheers 4-5-0
4. Cimo's 1-8-0
Goal Scoring Leaders
1. Edinger 19
2. Carroll 17
3. Caron 17
4. Laroche 15
5. Acres 15

Jive Turkey

When the Pilgrims had their first Thanksgiving with the Indians it was quite possible that they were thinking; What could be better than this? Well, how about the annual Thanksgiving Morning Hockey game at The Doug. This year it featured the NAHL's Blue vs. Green with a sprinkling of CCHLers for flavor. Blue gobbled up a large early lead, but Green chowed their way back to make a game of it. it was a game that had Tom "TC" Carroll and Tom "Badger" Carroll on the same ice surface for the first time. They are both thankful for soft hands. In the end however, Blue served up some dessert to hold off Green. Everyone (young and old) was thankful for Todd Philbrick's chicken wings. Everyone won on this day.

CCHL Round Up: What's in a name? You can call me Ray or you can call me Jay or you can call me Ray Jay, but don't call me Alan. Fiscal troubles have forced Alan's to sell off their CCHL hockey team to the restaurant chain Buffalo Wild Wings who quickly came up with the clever team name of "The Buffalo Wild Wings". Other names considered by the new owners were "Last Call", "Another Round", and "More Chips". In the end though the name "The Buffalo Wild Wings" won out. Speaking of names; How about Ed "Scissor Hands" Caron? He has sliced and diced his way to the top of the CCHL scoring race.

Weak Ate: Monday night in the CCHL featured newly named Buffalo Wild Wings which from now on will be referred to as "B2W" looking to stay undefeated this season. They faced off against second place Windmill which from now on may or may not be referred to as "The Mill". It was a high elbow and stick affair that has officials thinking that the CCHL may need to use the NAHL model which assures every player is a candidate for the Lady Bung trophy. Ed "Scissorhands" Caron registered the hat trick for B2W which vaulted him ahead of teammate Clint "The Edge" Edinger to the top of the CCHL scoring race. "The Edge" managed two of his own on this night which kept him within one of "Scissorhands". The scoring duo proved to be too much for The Mill as B2W hung on to a 6-5 victory.
On tuesday night Cheers took on Cimo's at The Doug. Cimo's attempted to "play possum" by requesting a forfeit and they even went as far as to offer to buy beers for their rivals from Cheers. Tim "The Timinator" Walsh called it, "a Trojan Horse" and turned down the gesture then he called his men to arms. "We don't want no stinking foreit!", he called out in the locker room. So, it was GAME ON. Cimo's playing with a short bench utilized the "Mounsey Trap" which successfully bottled up Cheers for a time. Cory "The Cockroach" Laroche (tied for 2nd in goals) finally lit the lamp to give Cheers the 1 -0 lead, but, Nate "Rain Man" Raimo tied the score a minute later. Both teams traded scores and the game remained tied going into the third period. It was Mike "Mr. Hustle" Russell who scored one and assisted on one to give Cheers the much needed victory.

CCHL Standings
1. Buffalo Wild Wings 7-0
2. Windmill 4-3
3. Cheers 4-4
4. Cimo's 0-8

Sultan of Salt

A health warning was issued in the NAHL today by league President Paul "Pop" Gozaweizle alerting players and fans to the dangers of salt intake. Wednesday's Black Ice Pond Hockey Kickoff Ceremony (see photo)was a salt-laden affair that sent many players from the NAHL to the ER for dehydration and other salt related disorders. The impact was felt last night as Blue and Green faced off at "The Doug" with shortened benches. Rumors swirled around the locker room before the game that veteran defenseman Joe "Joe" Farrelly had become a fatal statistic in the war on salt. Following the game Farrelly was reached by phone and told The Pucking Files, "Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated and I am resting comfortably in Concord Hospital under the nurse's care and I expect a full recovery in time for the Black Ice Pond Hockey Championship". It was a lesson learned for all players and fans that salt should not be taken lightly (or it should).

Both coaches made adjustments to their line-ups to start the game. Jim "The Big Cum" Commerford started off the scoring for Green, but Blue answered right away to even the score. Both goaltenders were outstanding which earned them second and third star honors. Andy "Gump" Doherty made 62 saves for Blue and Kenny "Rebel Without a Rebound" Dean registered 59 saves for Green. Tom "Shemp" Champagne added to his league leading goal scoring production with a boomer from the point that found it's way past Doherty to tie the score at two just before the end of the second. Mark Rudz had numerous opportunities to give Green the lead, but he failed to score on nine breakaways as well as missing two tap-in putts on the 7th and 13th holes. In the third period Dan "Too Late Early" found his mojo and beat Dean to give Blue a lead on a controversial "missed off-sides" call by Phil "The Whistle Lacasse. Green answered minutes later as Phil "Commish" Stuart scored on a rebound to even the score at three. With under two minutes to play in regulation Blue's Clint "Eastwood" Casavaugh fired the rubber past Dean and it looked like Blue would skate away with the victory. Green coach Gary "Toe" Blake pulled Dean with a minute to go in favor of an extra attacker and with the clock ticking down to the final second, Jim "The Big Cum" Commerford snapped the puck past "Gump" Doherty to secure a tie which left both teams tied for first in the Eastern conference heading into the All Star break. Cummy's two goal performance earned him the first star of the game honors and moved him into second place in the scoring race. . The player's did not hang around the locker room after the game to answer questions for reporters. After receiving a picture message (see photo below) from Joe "Joe" Farrelly from his hospital room, players from both teams rushed up to Concord Hospital to be with their fallen comrade.

In other games in the NAHL last night, Mauve beat Yellow 6 to 4. Matt Niskanen had a goal and three assists for Mauve while James Van Riemsdyke had a pair of goals for Yellow. Out on the west coast, Chrome let a three goal lead get away as Rust rallied to earn the victory. The win moved Rust into a tie with Magenta for first in the Western Conference. In case you were wondering why you didn't see overtime last night in the NAHL; it is because "Proposition 99" has been suspended after a ruling form the Federal Court has deemed it "Unconstitutional" and it will have to be reintroduced by law makers in a referendum at the end of the year. In the on going investigation into Hassan Bin Sober's ties to high ranking goverment officials, a new twist in the case it is alledged that Bin Sober may be named as an accomplice in the case that derailed former CIA director David Petraues. Hassan Bin Sober is reported to have set up Petraues with a former girlfriend and spy. More information is expected to surface in the next few weeks. For now anyway.......It's back to the salt mine.

CCHL Week 7

In week 7 of the CCHL Alan's made it six straight with a win over under-achieving Cheers. Ed "Scissorhands" Caron cut through the Cheers defense all night on his way to a five goal performance. Kevin Karales and Shayne "In the Membrane" LeBreton each added a pair. Cheers was led by "The Cockroach" who leads the league in goals. Laroche and Chris Roberge each had a pair, but everyone is wondering just when Tim "The Timinator" Walsh is going to catch on fire and start to burn the opposition. Many speculate that he is still suffering concussion-like symptoms from his SWD injury. Cheers has only one win in the last four games and their frustration spilled over after the game.

In game 2 of the CCHL a desperate Cimo's squad was looking for that elusive first win. It was not going to be on this night however. The Windmill spun to an early 9-3 lead, but Cimo's closed the gap to 10-7. Travis "Gang Bang" Banga scored his "sixth goal of the game" to ice the cake for "The Mill". Cimo's was led by Jake "Shady" Curtain who had the trick, while Tom "The Badger" Carroll and Matt Nadeau each dropped a deuce. Gavin "You Betcha" Faretra and Joel "The Arsenal" Arsenault also had two goals apiece for the Windmill.
CCHL Standings
1. Alan's 6-0-0
2. Windmill 4-2-0
3. Cheers 3-4-0
4. Cimo's 0-7-0

Goal Leaders Assist Leaders
1. Corey Laroche 14 * No player has an assist yet this season.
2. Clint Edinger 13
3. Ed Caron 13
4. Chris Acres 12
5. Chris Roberge 12

Tilly 5 - Philby 4

The polls had Tilly with a slight lead over Philby going into the 3rd period of last night's contest at The Doug between Green and Blue. It looked like a collection of Blue states and Green states, but in truth, it was the Granite State. Referee Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse was saying that it was too close to call. Green had a five to four lead over Blue when Lacasse dropped the puck to begin the third period. It was the Tilly & Philby show to that point with both players registering all nine goals of the evening. "He was playing with a swagger and a smile", said Bryan "The Big Till" Tillotson of his younger brother Dave. "Philby was a man on a mission", said Dunc "Coach" Walsh about his center. It looked as if it was going to be a long night because on tuesday night the American people overwhelmingly voted YES to Propostion 99 which called for a five minute sudden-death overtime to settle tie games in the NAHL. However, this night would not need to enact Prop 99 because league leading scorer Tom "Shemp" Champagne decided to join the Tilly ticket and pitch in a couple of goals of his own (although they were assisted by Tilly). This combined with goals by Jim "The Big Cum" Commerford, Dave "Motor" Carlson and Tom "TC" Carroll (no relation to "Badger") gave Green a 10 to 5 victory over Blue. Dunc "Coach" Walsh scored the other goal for Blue. The P.A. announcer Steve "Po" Potozak announced "Tilly" as the number one star of the game and the partisan Green crowd began to chant, "FOUR MORE GOALS!" In the locker room "Tilly" told reporters, " This was a glorious night, but I couldn't have done it alone. We'll, maybe I could have, but I didn't. It was a team effort and I couldn't be prouder of these guys. We have a lot of work ahead of us before we can claim the NAHL Championship stick this season." Meanwhile, in a somber Blue locker room, Philby addressed his disappointed teammates. "Ef them and Ef Tilly!", he exclaimed. He told reporters, " I want to offer my congratulations to Tilly and Team Green. I pray that it doesn't go to their heads, especially to Tilly's head because that old Joffa helmet has no room for expansion." Tilly's performance has pulled him to within just three points of the scoring lead that is held by Tom "Shemp" Champagne. Philby moved into third place in the scoring race, one point ahead of Jim "The Big Cum" Commerford and Tom "TC" Carroll. Phil "The Commish" Stuart was held scoreless last night and dropped to 44th place in the scoring race. "You can't take a night off in this league", he explained. I guess I'd better cancel my diplomatic trip to Aruba next week and try to keep myself from falling off the goal scorer's fiscal cliff. Philby was named the second star of the game and the third star went to Dan "Too Late" Early who has now replaced "TC" as the last player to step on the ice each week. "I realized that warm-ups aren't all they're cracked up to be. I don't need no stinkin warm-ups". In other news, just twenty four hours after being elected as the next governor of NH, Maggie Hassan has had to answer questions about her relationship to Hassan Bin Sobar the radical terrorist who was a prime suspect in the attempted assassination of Chris "Brownie" Brown at the inaugural Black Ice Pond Hockey Championship. Ms. Hassan admits that she was once married to Bin Sobar and the reason she didn't pay real estate taxes was that she lived at the Gilmore St. mosque and the mosque is excluded from paying a real estate tax. She cited Bin Sobar's drinking and womanizing as her reasons for leaving him. She told reporters that she was unaware of Hassan Bin Sobar's connection to terrorism. "We can only hope that she is telling the truth", said Ovid Lamontagne. "The last thing this state needs is a governor with ties to terrorism", he added. The Pucking Files has vowed to investigate this story. In the meantime, let's just enjoy Green's victory.

Obama Signs a Four Year Extension with Washington

The first order of business for Barrack Obama after being re-elected is to get the NHL back in business. He met with Gary Bettman and Donald Fehr early this morning and told them, "You have to work together to give the American people an NHL season!" In the Granite State voters elected Maggie Hassan Bin Sober to be the new governor to replace John Lynch who will be focusing on getting the Lynch Gang to win the Black Ice Pond Hockey Championship. Meanwhile back in the CCHL it's the status quo in week 6. Undefeated Alan's remained that way with their 10 to 7 victory over winless Cimo's. Cimos jumped out to a 3 - 0 lead after Alex Smith had two first period goals. Alan's closed the gap 4 - 2 after Mick Mounsey turned it over in the twilight zone to Shayne "In the Membrane" LeBreton who buried it in the back of the net. Ed Caron led Alan's with a hat trick while Kevin Karales had two and Clint "The Edge" Edinger had two despite his controversial move to defense. Tom "Badger" Carroll had two for Cimos. In game 2 the battle for second place was fever pitched. In a game that was much closer than the Presidential election, the Windmill pulled it out with just thirty seconds remaining when Matt "Fam Bam" Famiglietti notched the game winner. Windmill had a 3 - 0 lead, but watched it evaporate as Cheers rallied to tie the score. The Windmill began to turn again and took a 6 - 3 lead into the third period. Late in the 3rd Jeff "Hurricane" Cain scored on a one timer to knot the score at six. That is when Famiglietti cast the tie breaking vote that clinched the victory. Gavin "You Betcha" Faretra had the hat trick for the Windmill. Tim Walsh and Chris Roberge each had a pair for Cheers. Corey "The Cockroach" Laroche was held scoreless for the first time this season. Week Six Standings: Alans 5 - 0, Windmill 3 - 2, Cheers 3 - 3, Cimos 0 - 6. Scoring Leaders: 1. Clint Edinger, 2. Corey Laroche, 3. Chris Acres, 4. Tom Carroll, 5. Joel Arsenault, 6. Ed Caron, 7. Bill MacDougall, 8. Chris Roberge, 9. Kevin Karales, 10. Alex Smith

Proposition 99 on the Ballot

With just days to go before the election, Capital City officials met with NAHL president Paul "Pop" Gozaweizle to amend the ballot to include the controversial Proposition 99 that proposes to end tie games in the NAHL with a five minute sudden death overtime period. After last nights 8 to 8 tie between Blue and Green the push to settle games with OT seems even more urgent. Gozaweizle told reporters, "NAHL fans deserve the chance to decide whether or not there should be an opportunity to break a stalemate at the end of regulation. It may be the single most important issue on the ballot this year. This is America and Americans don't like to settle for a tie." Last night's game between Green and Blue left fans begging for more at the final buzzer. The game was like this year's presidential election. It went back and forth all game long with both teams trading scoring opportunities and both goalies playing solid. Neither team likes each other very much and several times referee Phil "The Whistle" Lacasse came dangerously close to letting the game get out of hand. "It was kind of chippy, but not nearly as brutal as the presidential campaign", Lacasse said. With just under three minutes to play and the score all knotted at seven, Blue winger Tom "Shemp" Champagne who leads the league in scoring made a nifty pass into the slot and Phil "Commish" Stuart unleashed a butterfly that fluttered up over the shoulder of Kenny "Rebel Without a Rebound" Dean to give Blue the lead. Green coach Gary "Toe" Blake pulled Dean in favor of an extra attacker. Twice Stuart had the opportunity to ice the game with an empty netter, but he missed the mark and Green seized the chance and headed up the ice as the clock was ticking down.

A Blue defenseman took a chance and pinched at center ice probably tempted by the vacated goal. The decision proved costly as Green sniper Jim "The Big Cum" Commerford found himself alone with the puck on his tape and he made no mistake and buried the rubber behind Blue netminder Kenny "Don't Ya Love Em Madly" Bradly to tie the game with only forty five seconds remaining in regulation. The game ended in a stalemate much to the disappointment of fans that packed The Doug. As the fans exited the arena many were calling for Proposition 99 to be put on the ballot. An emergency meeting was held at City Hall in the wee hours of the morning and an agreement was reached and Proposition 99 WILL be included on this year's ballot. "Let the people decide", said Joe "Joe" Farrelly, his lip all swollen from a high stick. "By the people, for the people". "Isn't that what our founding fathers intended?" explained Tom "Philby" Philbrick who finished the game with a torn acl that he suffered in the first period. He was taken to the locker room where he was given pain killers and returned after missing only a shift. Philby was awarded the third star of the game for his courageous effort. The second star went to his brother Todd "Philby" Philbrick who made his season debut after sitting out the first two months of the season with post-concussion-syndrome. Todd waisted no time getting on the score sheet by lighting the lamp on his first shot of the season. He ended up with the hat trick. The first star of the game went to Jim "The Big Cum" Commerford for his clutch goal that saved the day for Green. "I like the idea of Proposition 99", explained Dave "JP" Palisi to reporters as he sat in the locker room icing his neck from a cross check he received in the second period. "It puts the outcome in the hands of the fans", he added. "The fans deserve a say. It's the American way", touted Tom "TC" Carroll. "Give me liberty or give me sudden death!" exclaimed Ryan "Silky" Brandt. So on tuesday NAHL fans can exercise their God given right to be heard. It doesn't matter if you play right wing or left wing; what matters is that you vote. Every vote counts.

Sandy Blows Doug

On monday night Hurricane Sandy made her presence felt in the Capitol City. Just when you think you cared about the NHL lockout, you realize that there are a lot more important things that affect people's lives. In week five of CCHL, the unthinkable became a reality. The CCHL commissioner Jeff "HurriCain" Cain had to pull the plug on monday's match up that was to feature undefeated Alan's versus The Windmill. "We lost power at The Doug, but players were willing to wear headlamps in order to play this game", Cain said. After careful consideration Cain opted to cancel the game because he feared the soft ice could be severely damaged and that could affect Thursday's big match between rivals Blue and Green of the NAHL. Cain, who has vested interest in both leagues, said,"I have to do what's best for the city of Concord and what's best for hockey in North America". No rematch has yet to be announced. On tuesday the CCHL resumed it's season when Cheers took on winless Cimos. Could Sandy blow Cimos into the win column? That was what their leading scorer Tom Carroll (no relation to "TC") was hoping for. Carroll did his part by lighting the lamp twice, but it wasn't enough to overcome a powerful Cheers squad. Corey "The Cockroach" Laroche continued his goal scoring tear, registering a hat trick that moved him into first place in the CCHL goal scoring race ahead of Clint "The Edge" Edinger who was idle this week due to Sandy's lap dance. Chris Roberge also had three goals as Cheers routed Cimos 11 to 6. Even after getting blown by Sandy "The Doug" held it's ground and hockey was saved in the Capitol City. However, not everything was spared; the skate house at White's Park was carried away by the hurricane winds of Sandy (see photo). Concord Mayor Jim Boulay and Park's supervisor Dave Gill met in an emergency meeting with Chris "Brownie" Brown who serves as the head of the Black Ice Pond Hockey Committee. Brown pledged that Black Ice Pond Hockey would build a new skate house at White's Park to replace the old one which landed on Donald Fehr of the NHLPA who resided in Oz. Mr Curtis was was found inside the skate house along with Dorothy and Toto. Mr. Curtis is now the fourth member of The Lollipop Guild. Black Ice will present architectural drawings of the proposed skate house at their next board meeting in November. Moe Rudz (pictured) and everyone here at The Pucking Files would like to wish you a very Happy Halloween.

The Perfect Storm Capsizes Blue

Weather forecasters have been telling us that the conditions may be right for the "perfect storm" and New England should brace itself. The Weather Channel was telling us that they predict Hurricane "Sandy" will hit the northeast on monday or tuesday. Last night started off just like every other Thursday night at "The Doug", the usual; Tilly shuffling the deck, TC and Heathy showing up after the first shift, ect. Phil "the Whistle" Lacasse was back in zebra stripes after undergoing cataract surgery that kept him in the dark all month. When Phil dropped the puck at center ice all seemed "normal". Philby won the puck and Blue went on the attack. Green weathered the storm and headed up ice and just like that; Hurricane Sandy barreled into Team Blue and their lights went out. In just over a minute Green had four on the board. On a night that marked the return of the straight bladed wooden stick, it became quite obvious that was not going to keep the wind and rain out of the Blue net. It's the age of kevlar and banana hooks. Green scored early and often in one of the most pathetic routes in the seventy year history of the NAHL. The guys in Emerald routed Blue 14-4. It was the worst loss in Blue franchise history dating back to World War II. "I wish I was never born", lamented Dunc "Coach" Walsh. "What the ef was that?, exclaimed Jim "Heathy" Heath. While coach John "Stuffy" Stevenson was on the phone with FEMA, the Green wind pounded the Blue goal. Blue decided that they should board up their goal, so they brought in Kenny "Don't Ya Love Em Madly" Bradly to try to turn back the tide. Bradley replaced beleaguered backstop Andy "Gump" Doherty who had turned aside forty four of Green's fifty one shots in the first period. Bradley came in relief with the game still close at seven to nothing. Green blew one by "Madly" and Blue realized that it may be getting to desperation time. "When you're only down by seven your goalie has to come up with a critical save to keep you in the game", explained Mike "Hipshake" Farrelly. "Being down by eight was a bit much to overcome", he added.

Green's line of "Tilly", "BTO" and "Cummy" scored regularly and Tom "Shemp" Champagne who led the second line on the score sheet. Shemp scored five goals and assisted on two more and was awarded the first star of the game. "Shemp" has now taken over the scoring lead in the NAHL over linemate Phil "Commish" Stuart who provided the lightening on the right side while Dan "Too Late" Early brought the thunder on the left. Jim "The Big Cum" Commerford received second star honors for his five goals and the third star went to Andy "BTO" Bachmann who scored three goals and added three helpers. Honorable mention went to Dave "Tilly" Tillotson who had nine assists. Blue did some soul searching and came up with a number guys to blame the loss on. Some say that it was the curse of the straight stick while others claimed that the excitement of the upcoming Halloween celebration was a distraction. GOP improbable Richard Murdock of the Tea Party had a different take on it. "It was God's will" that created the "Perfect Storm"at "The Doug". It's like rape on ice".

CCHL: Alan Likes It On Top

It is safe to say that Alan's likes being king of the heap in the CCHL. They took on second place Cheers and pulled out a hard earned 8 to 5 victory. Clint "The Edge" Edinger and Eddie Caron each had hat tricks for Alans while Chris "Green" Acres tallied twice for Cheers. Jimmy "The Saint" Santos was stellar in goal for Alan's. Cheer's captain Tim "The Timinator" Walsh was still feeling the effects of his SWD injury and was kept off the score sheet and held to a mere nineteen shots on goal. With Cheers down 7-5 with under three minutes to go, Cheer's coach Barack O'Connell pulled the goalie, but the gamble did not pay dividends and Alan's added an empty netter to finish the game. Alan's remained perfect at 4 and 0 while Cheer's settles for mediocrity at 2 and 2. In the second game of the evening, The Windmill spun while Cimo's sputtered. The Windmill was looking to get back on track after two straight losses and they had the right match up to do so. Cimo's, still yet to find a "W", was hoping this night would bring them the taste of victory. Tom Carroll(no relation to "TC") scored twice for Cimo's and Matt "Nads" Nadeau scored another spectacular goal, but it wasn't enough to overcome "The Mill" who had too much firepower on this night. Bill "Hawkeye" MacDougall collected the garbage three times, Travis "The Big Bang" Banga found the back of the net twice and Joel "The Arsenal" Arsenault remained hot scoring two goals in thier 9 to 6 victory. Windmill and Cheers are tied for second at two and too. We know that Barack and Mitt have been battling in the corners, but did you know that it's the Vips who are most prepared on game day? That's right! Paul Ryan and Joe Biden are a couple of studs. Ryan boasts about his P90X workout and Joe brags about his XBox workout. Moe Rudz the billionaire publishing magnate says that he chokes the flamingo each day. "It's just my way of making America stronger". Moe has also hinted at a run for the White House in 2016.

Alan's Rolls On in CCHL

After week three of the CCHL Alan's remains undefeated. They continued their winning ways against Cimo's who have yet to earn a win or the respect from their fans (photo) who are feeling the pain. League leading scorer Clint "The Edge" Edinger started off the scoring for Alan's, but Cimo's kept it fairly close for the first 45 minutes. Matt Nadeau scored a beauty for Cimos that pulled them to within one of Alans. The last 15 minutes however, was all Alan's as Shayne LeBreton and Kevin Kareles netted goals and Alans went on to a 10-4 victory. In game two of the evening it was all cheers for Cheers and no breeze for The Windmill. Four goals by Chris "Green" Acres and three by Corey "Cockroach" Laroche was plenty for Cheers who moved into sole possession of second place while The Windmill dropped to third. Gavin "You Betcha" Faretra scored two in the loss. The final was also 10-4. CCHL goal leaders are;1. Clint Edinger, 2. Joe Arsenault, 3. Corey Laroche, 4. Kevin Kareles, 5. Nine players tied for 5th. *All goals have been unassisted! Wow!

Three In Row For Blue

Blue dodged a Green comeback last night at The Doug and the win moved them into a tie with their rival Green for second place in the Eastern Conference. It's three in a row for Blue over Green which has left many fans feeling blue and coach "Toe" Blake scratching his head. "We got off to a terrible start and tried to play "ketchup" all night", said a frustrated coach Blake. Our first line played well, but they had no support from the second and third lines". Blue took a 3-0 lead into the locker room after the first period. Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford finally got Green on the board in the second, but Blue came right back when Dave "Tilly" Tillotson scored. Blue had a 5-2 lead going into the third and they had taken the Green crowd out of it. "It was so quiet in there that you would have thought the place was empty", said Dave "JP" Palisi. Green ramped it up in the third as the line of Commerford, Rudz and "BTO" Bachmann lit the lamp several times to close the gap and Blue began to feel the pressure. A pivotal moment came when referee Billy "Hawkeye" McDougal awarded Green a penalty shot. Green coach Gary "Toe" Blake looked down to the end of the bench and called out Russian badboy Alexander Rudulov who has seen little ice time since joining the NAHL. Rudulov came through with a "Savardian spin-o-rama that brought the crowd to it's feet and brought Kenny "Don't Ya Love Em Madly" Bradley to his seat. "I thought he was headed off the ice to vomit or something", said Bradley, "but then he just turned around and stuffed it in". "Are you allowed to do that?, he added.

The goal pulled Green within one and on the very next shift Andy "BTO" Bachmann scored to tie the contest with two minutes remaining in regulation. The Green crowd was delirious as the clock was running down, but, Dave "Motor' Carlson (pictured) rained on their parade when he ripped a boomer past Andy "Gump' Doherty which deflated the crowd. Clint "Eastwood" Casavaugh drove the final nail in the Green coffin with a top shelf wrist shot and the jubilant Blue squad headed to the locker room victorious. Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford was named third star of the game for registering five points in the loss. Dave "Motor" Carlson was named second star for scoring the winning goal in the Blue victory, but it was Tom "TC" Carroll who was sidelined with a groin injury he suffered at Zumba class in Bidderford, Maine who was named first star of the game for bringing six pizzas into the locker room after the game. "He is going to make people forget "The Kaiser" with moves like that", said Tom "Philby" Philbrick. "He's a team player", added league leading scorer Phil "Commish' Stuart. "One thing that "Badger Bob" taught us at Wisconsin is that if you can't contribute on the ice then contribute off the ice", said a humble Carroll after learning he was named star of the game.

Blue brought up rookie John Reagan to replace Kurt "Kaiser" Gillies on the blue line after Gillies announced his retirement in order to pursue his dream of competing in the Kentucky Derby. Reagan (pictured just before the hazing) was relieved that Blue was able to skate away with the victory and the traditional rookie hazing wasn't as bad as he expected. "The guys heated up a skate blade with a torch and burned the letters NAHL on my buttocks and then made me run through the gauntlet while slashing me with their hockey sticks. It really wasn't that bad he told reporters as he was wheeled out on a gurney to the waiting ambulance. It's great to be part of the team!"

The Taste of Victory

It was fifty cent beer night at "The Doug" last night. The suds were enjoyed by the rowdy sold-out crowd as they watched Blue taste victory for the second week in a row. Both coaches shortened their benches in order to give their superstars more ice time. "It was obvious that the dead weight was missing and the speed of the game was terrific", said Green's legendary coach Gary "Toe" Blake. We had a number of guys who were sleeping walking through the first few games and I decided to sit some of them in order to send a message. Blue coach John "Stuffy" Stevenson not only sat some players, but, he made them work the concession stand selling beer to the Concord fans. "If you're not going to work on the ice then you might as well work the crowd", he snapped sarcastically. The fans were treated to a contest played at a dizzying pace. Green jumped out to a 3-0 lead in the first period, but Blue had no quit in them and they roared back to tie the score just before the period ended. Both teams traded chances and goals all night long. By the end of the second period the combined shot total was sixty six. Andy "Gump" Doherty and Kenny "Don't Ya Love Em Madly" Bradley were solid at both ends of the rink. Blue had a two goal lead when "Toe" decided to pull "Gump" and put on an extra attacker. Tom "Shemp" Champagne had other ideas and stole the puck, skated up the left side and fed a pass to Jim "The Big Cum" Commerford who banked it into the goal that was guarded by defenseman Greg "Moose" Moffet. With Blue now holding a two goal lead, the Green cage remained empty and this time Green's Mike "The Little Cum" Commerford scored his third goal of the night to pull Green within one with under a minute remaining. Tom "TC" Carroll won the draw at center ice for Blue and sealed the game. The first star of the game went to Joe "Joe" Farrelly who proved his dedication by playing through a concussion although he was obviously hurting. "You see a guy like "Joe" giving it his all after what he went through and it gives you confidence that anything is possible", said teammate Dave "Motor" Carlson. "You could tell that "Joe" wasn't feeling 100% when he came in the locker room, said Brian "Tilly" Tillotson, "but, once he stepped on the ice it was all business. You gotta admire that". The second star went to Tom "Shemp" Champagne who assisted on seven of Blue's eight goals as well a scoring a couple himself. The third star was awarded to Phil "Commish" Stuart who had spent the last few weeks playing down in the Bermuda Triangle League for the Aruba Scuba. "It's good to be back in the NAHL!" he exclaimed. "Commish" found his game and scored the hat trick in a losing effort for Green. The victory for Blue now jumps them up in the standings tied with Mauve for third place. Green fell into second place behind Yellow who beat Teal last night led by James Van Riemsdyk who had the hat trick in only his second game since joining the NAHL. Stevenson had some of his "benched" players stay and work out in the weight room after the arena emptied out. Tom "Philby" Philbrick (pictured) told reporters, " I get the message and you can bet I will be ready to play next week".

CCHL: Back in Business

There is hope for the NHL lockout if they can follow in the footsteps of the CCHL and come to their senses. The players and management of the CCHL found common ground at center ice and ended the lockout that lasted two weeks. "We're back in business!", said Jeff "Kano" Cain. "The players agreed to donate a percent of their earnings to the charity "Hockey Fights Obesity" and the owners will match it. "We are thrilled that the CCHL has joined with the NAHL to support our cause", said Donnie "Doughnut Hole" Duncan, the chairman for Hockey Fights Obesity. Week two of the young CCHL season featured the battle of the unbeatens. It pitted Alan's versus The Windmill. The Windmill took a 3-2 lead thanks to two quick strikes by league leading scorer Joel Arsenault, but they couldn't hold the lead for long. Alan's rally sparked by goals by Shane LeBreton and Ed Caron proved to be too much for The Windmill. Alans is now the lone undefeated team in the league. Week two also found two teams looking to get into the win column. Cheers was eager for the return of their captain Tim Walsh who missed game 1 with a SWD injury that had many believing his career was over. The injury has plagued the league for several years and researchers have found that Sneezing While Driving (SWD) injuries are on the rise and air conditioning may be one of the factors involved. Walsh was treated by Dr. Lucy Flem who is considered the leading authority on SWD. Captain Tim was back in the lineup for game two against Cimmos and it paid dividends immediately. Walsh scored two goals, but it was Cory "Cockroach" Laroche who led all scorers with four lamp lighters. Nate Raimo had the hat trick for Cimmo's in a losing effort. Even John "King Tutt" Tuttle's thirty five saves couldn't save Cimmo's who now sit alone in the cellar. Zach Guercia made twenty eight saves for Cheers. It was a sound defensive effort by both teams as Cheers came out on top 10-8.

Blue Tooth Snarl

Team Blue finally tasted the pie last night with a convincing 10-4 win at The Doug. After a rough start to the new season which many felt was their championship hangover, Blue put together a complete effort for three periods, two commas and one exclamation point. Anchored by stellar netminding from Kenny "Rebel Without a Rebound" Dean and solid defense from veteran Joe "Joe" Farrelly and his young partner Dunc "Coach" Walsh, the Blue forwards were given the Green light to take some chances and they capitalized on them ten times. "It is finally nice to get a win under my belt", said an elated Dunc Walsh. "Aint that the truth!", added Dan "Too Late" Early. The two room together on road trips. "It was a very important win for us, especially being on the road", said Blue coach John "Stuffy" Stevenson. Blue got a huge boost from three rookies called up for the game. The trio formed the third line, now known as "The Bump & Grind Line".All three are in the running for the "Dick Pinch Award".

The only negative of the evening was that goalie Kenny Dean pulled his groin while skating out onto the ice after being named first star of the game. He is out indefinitely. It is expected that Andy "Gump" Doherty will get the start for Blue's next game. Jeff "Kano" Cain did make his debut last night, but he was unremarkable.He refused to talk to reporters who were anxious to get any information about the lockout in the CCHL. "He's been under a lot of pressure", said Clint "Eastwood" Casavaugh. "I give him credit for just being out here tonight", added Brian "Tilly" Tillotson a.k.a "The Big Till". Still no "Kaiser" sighting yet this season. He is reported to be playing in Germany or attending Octoberfest.

In other news around the league. Red beat Yellow 6-2. Right after the game Yellow signed NHL lockout James Van Riemsdyk (seen here in photo with his brother Snoop Van Riemsdog). "JVR" had signed a deal with the Maple Leafs this summer, but the lock out has forced him to find other options. "I always enjoyed my time in New Hampshire", said JVR who is a former UNH Wildcat. "I used to roll wid my homies over from Durham to Cap Ciddy just to watch NAHL games", said the ex Wildcat. "To get this opportunity to skate in the NAHL is a dream come true", he added. Van Riemsdyk is now the second NHL player to sign with a NAHL team this season. The first to join the league this season is Pittsburgh Penquin d-man Matt Niskanen who registered his first point last night after he assisted on the winning goal as Mauve beat Teal 3-2. On the west coast Rust corroded Chrome 5-1.